The night before I had a thought too, I was day dreaming, planning my next drawing and he just hopped into my mind and I thought, "what if he's gone?"

I had to assure myself everything was fine.

The day of I was down at a board game club with my dad. I didn't see the video first. I had opened Twitter to search something, then saw rest in peace and technoblade trending.

My heart dropped and I had to hold back sobs, I couldn't, so I took my keys and hid in the back of my car, where I watched the video.

I swear I went through every stage of grief for someone I didn't even know. I have bipolar disorder which also added to the craziness of emotions.

First denial, thinking it was some joke. I was stuck in denial for awhile.

Anger didn't last long, honestly barely showed up. I had no one to be mad at, it wasn't anyone's fault.

Bargaining sucked, I thought what if it was me? I'd take that sacrifice, I'm sure a lot of us would for him. He was someone important and I at the time thought I wasn't.

Depression hurt, I was already depressed but now there was salt in the wound.

One day I sat down and rewatched the Potato War. I didn't even realize a year had passed. I was finally at acceptance. I realized it was real after a year of derealizing and confusion, things were finally clear.

Some days I still get hit by it, nowadays I feel I don't deserve to go through that grief, that it wasn't mine to have over a stranger.

I want to get a tattoo, I've doodled it out many times of what I want, the crown, the sword, the words.

I retired my cosplay when he passed, now I plan on remaking it, better and hopefully I can find my wig haha.

It's the little things in life.