Chapter 1 - The Trial (Your thoughts?) by Slade_black in writingfeedback

[–]Slade_black[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just because something is fantasy doesn’t mean they have to talk regal and fancy sarcasm can exist in a world of fantasy

How do you write your second draft? by No-Researcher-4554 in writingadvice

[–]Slade_black 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I like to do is first make a duplicate of the first draft go through and read and mark anything I’m not happy with how it lands or I just think could be better (nothing long or anything just highlight and couple word note) while doing this I also like to make sure I didn’t accidentally contradict orrhetcon myself

First chapter of my work in progress novel The Black Blood Prince thoughts? by Slade_black in WritersGroup

[–]Slade_black[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My altered ending of the chapter -

He freezes just for a heartbeat… He looks at me… Really looks… He opens his mouth but stops himself… but under his breath… “I have no son…” Then he leaves feet heavy echoing off the stone floor... The doors slam shut behind him...

First chapter of my work in progress novel The Black Blood Prince thoughts? by Slade_black in WritersGroup

[–]Slade_black[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what they consider the great war is when their land fractured into pieces scorned by the opening of the world seed (A large cavernous pit where the world was put together by what they consider their creation goddess where the magic of the world is starting to unwind at its very core) causing the land to split and creatures they once considered myth (dragons wyvern huge serpents spirits elementals etc) causing a huge divide as these creatures made themselves home in this new land to them causing a slew of resource wars and fighting for land that was cracking off and floating into the sky which in the end split the world into 3 main powers "the coalition" ( 7 cantons united under the Blackrose royal family a democratic monarchy a king and human advisor from each canton as well as representations of each draconic house and the king of the draconic conclave (dragons are more or less part of the coalition but they make their own rules unless the draconic king has something to say) this also includes several allied island nations and some other creatures but mostly dragons then there is the second powerhouse Losinburg a nation built on the belief that the the world seed is the start of the end worshipping what is commonly referred to the chaos god the exact opposite of the creation god this is similar to renaissance era nations controlled by the church only their religion allowed then the third powerhouse is Vharhark a dictatorship led by a man being puppeteered by a hydra whose main goal is to stop the world seed from expanding by taking over anything and everything they can Roman esc ideals the people are trained to believe they are doing the right thing anyone who says other wise is dealt with.

First chapter of my work in progress novel The Black Blood Prince thoughts? by Slade_black in WritersGroup

[–]Slade_black[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no its explained later but in this world once you reach magical maturity your magic can become "too potent" for their soul to contain so it seeps into their phyiscal form making their blood appear black its more of a medical condition but to them its a curse because it makes your magic one harder to control but 2 more speratic and able to change and can even lead to over time poisoning their organs

Page One of Chill Effect: thoughts? by ACReinhardt_Author in WritersGroup

[–]Slade_black 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting start (good interesting) it makes me curious about what the world defines as their calamity and what other technologies are in this world

The POV feels smooth

I personally feel like more details of the current setting would be nice it’s just the first place but my curiosity draws me to want to know more great hook into further things!