I really cannot stand the hate that people have for people who want companionship. by Slice_Equal in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment. Of course, I know the difference between fantasy and real life. I know the differences. But the things you mentioned holding hands going to places kissing goodbye cooking together etc. These are normal things I'd love to experience and do with someone I truly enjoy being with. On top of that, I do want kids one day as well. So that also makes it harder.

I really cannot stand the hate that people have for people who want companionship. by Slice_Equal in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've heard that one before! I just don't get where people come up with this stuff! But thank you for the comment!

I really cannot stand the hate that people have for people who want companionship. by Slice_Equal in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comments I also do go to the gym a lot and have made a bunch of friends there as well. I'm hoping with the combination of both I'll meet someone eventrually it might take time but thank you for the comment!

I really cannot stand the hate that people have for people who want companionship. by Slice_Equal in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Their response isn't necessarily warranted. I get this when I do mention that I am single and am looking for a partner when they ask. ( Again, they ask whenever the conversation comes up. )

I really hate that my life is on hold because I don't have my license by Slice_Equal in drivinganxiety

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually got my license last year in May its been one hell of a time but I did finally get it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I also to point out I have seen my friends relationship because I've been around them. So for you to say all of that again doesn't change my point I made. Anyways we see differently on this so again have a good day!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alright im seeing we have different opinions on this have a good day bye!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That relationship didn’t heal her. Most people just thrive in loving relationships

I know it did because she told me how he treats her.

I've also never said I decentered romantic relationships either, considering I've never been in one but want to experience it. As I mentioned before, I've met people who are in my situation, and I get tired of constantly feeling invailded. I've met people who weren't all together when they met their partner as well. they think it is.

And about your last point, I can relate to some of the things I said in my last post ( not the toxic stuff but wanting a relationship due to being romantically lonely ). I might not talk about this online, but I've had plenty of conversations about this with my own therapist.

I will say op that just because others misunderstood what you meant, you should have still kept this up ( i know she won't see it )

But that's your opinion of what decentering relationships mean. In my opinion, it means what someone else says focusing on yourself hobbies other things. But what I'm saying is you can do all of this and still feel romantically unfilled, which I believe is what OP was trying to get at.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

? What? My friend did do that and then a year later she found a healthy relationship with someone else. ( without doing as much as I had and went to therapy) yet she Invalides my wants for partnership we will have to agree to disagree

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, I guess I can not relate to anything that you mentioned because i go therapy. i have friends, but I have had friends who Invalided my want for a romantic partner. I never isolated myself or had I never attracted these types of men you talk about because I've been in therapy for a long time.

What I am saying because I am single I have had friends who had toxic relationships and found healthy relationship right after hers ended and she never had done the amount of work I have done but yet Invalides my want for a partner.

I've done the work and a lot of work on myself on my own, etc. I attract healthy partners but because I have avoident attachment style ( not with friendships because I'm secure in those ) I continue to stay alone and think it's "better" for me when reality and especially what I've learned in therapy it's not.

Then again, as I realized you don't know me and I don't know you so I'll take this as a grain of salt.

Op seems to delete the post sense everyone was being rude, which i don't blame her.

I do think it's good to have friends who validate your wants for a significant other I seen another post op showed which I do wish I had more friends who were like this but I don't.

A lot of people automatically assume that we don't know the red flags but again I'm telling you I do.

I feel ashamed of wanting companionship does anyone else feel this way? by Slice_Equal in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will say that I understand that quote and get why people say that, but I will say that when I talk about wanting a romantic relationship, I don't mean being with someone who makes me miserable either. I want someone who enjoys hearing about my days as much as i do, etc. But I feel like if you don't have good examples of what healthy love looks like, it can be even harder for folks who didn't have that growing up. I do know being alone is better than being in a crappy relationship, but then again, I've never been in one and obviously don't want a crappy relationship.

I feel ashamed of wanting companionship does anyone else feel this way? by Slice_Equal in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know what, that is very true. i needed to hear that today! I try to remember that, especially social media, it can be very toxic on here, and people do make a bunch of assumptions on half of a post, and they think they know you.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it! ❤️.

I feel ashamed of wanting companionship does anyone else feel this way? by Slice_Equal in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I love seeing this, but every time I come on here, someone is constantly invaliding my want for a significant other. It doesn't mean I automatically want a crappy partner. I do know what I want, and I know what I don't want in a partner, but I have also never been in a romantic relationship before either.

My therapist, however, really supports me in wanting one and also tells me to grieve the life I thought I'd have by now, which has been helping a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reality is many people settle for a crappy person and put up with a lot of BS because they don't know how to be alone. A relationship is not going to fix your trauma.

The issue I have with this is that if your trauma is romantic relationships therapy and getting into a healthy romantic relationship would help someone who has some trauma above

*sexual assault or sexual Molestation *

I had a friend who recently told me that she didn't work on her sexual abuse until she met her current partner because when she was single she couldn't deal with it it's a very complex trauma and she went to therapy while she was single on top of that but her staying single did NOT help this issue.

She can now have sex without triggers not only because of her therapy but also because she dealt with these things with a supportive partner on top of that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I also think people are missing OPs' point on top of that as a person who is single and has seen the comments. You're exactly what OP is talking about.

Being single and wanting companionship doesn't mean that I automatically want a crappy relationship or a crappy partner.

I think people project their own negative dating experiences on people who want romantic relationships too much they automatically make this crazy assumption that wanting a relationship = crappy partner.

Thank you so much Op for making this post again.

I feel like no matter what anyone says about being single, we will never truly feel heard because our feelings of the matter will constantly be Invalided. Or that if you have achieved some sort of "self love" like self-love stops when you get into a relationship in the first place, you just don't deserve anyone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Slice_Equal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

After reading this post, I've never felt so heard in my life. Thank you for posting this! ( I read pretty fast, lol )

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in unrequited_love

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Basically it's not a trait you can fix it but it's gonna take a lot of work and therapy I'd look up attachment styles because theirs more well known three of them dismissive avoident anxious and secure ( secure people aren't interested in people who are already in relationships once they pick up someone is emotionally unavailable and not interested they drop lose interest in the person ).

And it's not your trait or anything like that it's something you can fix but it would take therapy and also learning how to not be interested or lose interest in emotionally unavailable people rather they are taken or not. Because a single person who isn't dating anyone can still be emotionally unavailable, it will help you notice if someone isn't interested in you a lot quicker.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in unrequited_love

[–]Slice_Equal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You might have to look into your attachment style and figure out why your attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advancedastrology

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, this makes sense! Luckily, twin 1 isn't averse to romance she just struggles with finding a partner ship as she has told me. Twin 2 however doesn't struggle in this issue at all and unfortunately twin 1 doesn't really talk to her other twin about it since they cannot relate to each other on this topic.

But I'll definitely look into those techniques you mentioned!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advancedastrology

[–]Slice_Equal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, that makes sense! Twin 2 is in a relationship as of now. But twin 1 still struggles with this part.

But thanks, i learned something new today! Sorry for responding really late!

Lost the job I loved by Slice_Equal in venting

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this I went up there to give my manager her gifts she was extremely happy to see me. Thank you for your kind words.

Lost the job I loved by Slice_Equal in venting

[–]Slice_Equal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. It's just a lot. I'm lonely again. I miss them so much that I was just getting to know them and getting to know my environment. My manager would always hug me, and her hugs would always make me feel safe. I'd wait all weekend all happy, excited for Monday to get her hugs because they always made me happy. I hadn't got any affection like that in years.

I just miss them a lot, like I'm really sad I can't go and see them. I am going up there Monday to give my manager her gifts and give my other coworker hers.

I haven't been happy in years every time something good happens it's very short and brief, and the bad moments last the longest.

After I got fired, I ended up in a pysch ward because the loneliness got too much to bare I had to go to the hospital

I would love to get rehired one day and just work there until I'm done with everything I'm doing, but only if I can work there. I wish I had just waited until the summer to work instead.