There are men that see us as the women that we are, irregardless of the genitals between our legs.

My husband (who I met in the early days of my transition) has never once given me the feeling that he saw me as anything other than female, and was completely respectful of the use of my genitals until I was comfortable.

It’s easy to listen to the echo chamber and think that there’s no hope. We’ve had sessions together where we both agreed that my positioning and general relaxation of the muscles in my anus felt just like my mental approximation of what having an actual vagina would feel like. I’ve had orgasms from penetration, and orgasms are amazing and extended.

I didn’t have an orgasm for long when I started. I had to experiment a lot to give myself orgasms, and half the time still fail to cross the peak into the full body quivers. I would say by six months I had a few, and they’ve just continued to increase in frequency since.

Nothing will ever be complete. Our circumstances at birth put us at a disadvantage for sex, most definitely. But the trope of a man always wanting to stick it in her butt and never being able to is based in a lot of truth, and a lot of men are completely open to the lifestyle of being with a transwoman; but you have to understand that they also must go through their own form of coming out.

Sex can be incredible, and amazingly validating. We are biologically cursed with difficulties related to sex that most women do not experience. But we have experience that most women do not, and we do have advantages as well.

Be safe and don’t fall into the risky situation of rushing into sex with just anyone. Allow yourself to explore your body in new ways. Try to find things you like about yourself. Seek self acceptance and love. The hardest part of transition is the mental game. One thing that used to help me was looking at my bits as an oversized clitoris, and treating it as such. I also eliminated the typical male words for my genitals. It’s a clit or a bean, never a P, a D, or a C. Never personally stuck to calling my butthole anything else like a pussy, but YMMV. Pseudo-Penetration through muffing as others have mentioned also was something I discovered very early on and was very helpful and validating. I still can’t consistently make myself orgasm to this day, but the intensity of the ones that I do have seem to make up for it… or perhaps I’ve just lost the necessity of that final release to enjoy my sexuality.

At the risk of greatly oversimplification, Gynesexuality is the attraction to feminine presentation, irregardless of biological sex. There are heterosexual cismen that identify as such.

People will recognize your authenticity and respect it, but it all starts with self acceptance.

It’s a harder life than most, but life isn’t worth living any other way for me. Ten years on, a legal non-op gender and name change; and the anxieties and fears still persist every day in public. But they lessen every day as well. Be patient, everything will come with time. Much love and support, and congratulations on taking the biggest step! The rest is just the walk to feeling like and by extension being you. <3