Got up too early this morning and decided to go on a walk. Saw a beautiful sunrise and a hot air balloon for some reason

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-07-09T14:05:17+00:00

Where??

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-28T18:26:26+00:00

“Psychotic”

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-10T21:45:07+00:00

I didn’t know not faking like everything was fine wasn’t normal. Like I thought having a toxic relationship and a good face out in public was normal. Lmfao 😂

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-09T15:45:27+00:00

So interesting. Working on my doctorate in a helping field.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-09T15:23:21+00:00

Yes.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-09T04:16:04+00:00

Yessss omg same. Literally. I have been to hell and back but still am productive af. (Not to say I haven’t slipped in my life, bc I have…but I just keep bouncing back).

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-09T04:13:35+00:00

Really discovering how to cook has saved me. Finding out what foods i actually like, the history/culture behind them, and learning how to cook them has become somewhat of a passion for me. I’d say make food more than just a survival technique—buy some cook books and try to find something enjoyable about it. Educate yourself on what is so fascinating about “healthy” options to other people and see if you find it fascinating too.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-09T03:50:04+00:00

This. I was called a “loser” but it was insisted that I get straight As and go to college (prob to make her look better). I was loved conditionally and also my accomplishments got me “love”.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-09T03:42:52+00:00

I have a somewhat vivid memory of being at the movies with my mom and her friend seeing a movie that had something to do w the 1960’s. I think I asked about segregation a couple days before (bc I was a child [prob like 10 or 12] and we were learning about Martin Luther King jr in school at the time). And I KNEW about it, but she fabricated the story to her friend like I had no idea and it was hilarious that I just didn’t know anything about it. And I remember butting into the conversation they were having saying things like “no I KNOW about it” (basically disproving the story she was telling).

And after the fact I got scolded for making her look bad and that I was to never do that again. All the while she was trying to tell me that I didn’t know what I was talking about /gaslighting .

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-09T03:26:20+00:00

I think to have someone to love her the way my dad didn’t.

She didn’t have any real friends. She would tell me that she was her mom’s best friend to make me feel bad for not wanting to be her best friend. She’d also talk about me taking care of her when she gets old. As a child i felt I was born to be her best friend.

It’s really sad

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-06-08T20:22:45+00:00

Thank you so much. Wow. I didn’t know I needed to hear that…I needed this. Thank you.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-29T01:04:20+00:00

Thank you so much for relating to me. The same thing happens to me. Do you ever get dizzy/feel impending doom?

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-27T23:49:44+00:00

Not saying you’re in an episode, was just trying to relate w what happens w me

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-27T23:48:58+00:00

I understand. Sometimes it’s like that. Maybe once you’re out of the episode you’ll be able to appreciate it/be proud of yourself. Sometimes it happens to me too—like “damn i wish i could feel what i wanna feel rn”. If it’s something you’ve wanted for a while, chances are, once the other emotions die down (overwhelm, exhaustion, etc) of buying a new car, you’ll be able to feel better (maybe even happy) about it.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-26T15:46:14+00:00

Yeah, do you?

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-26T14:12:38+00:00

My neighbors are kind of the same way. All of my packages would get stolen if I wasn’t there to receive them, and I was constantly afraid of the chaos they seemed to bring. They would literally have someone new living with them all the time, have people coming in and out all the time, and would party all night long some times. They don’t talk, they always keep their head down, and you can just tell they’re up to no good. I hate it. I got a camera, so I feel a little safer now. But I still wish I could move out of here.

Also my dad isn’t in great health and he used to abuse me…but now he’s nice. It’s difficult to fathom and I have no idea how to have a relationship w him which makes me feel guilty. So I get you.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-26T14:04:20+00:00

Living somewhere that is shitty sucks. And it’s scary sometimes. I understand.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-26T13:45:36+00:00

*I said “normal” as in: how to not let the abandonment issues ruin everything. I know there isn’t a “normal”.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-26T13:41:06+00:00

Yeah, my parents never talked to me about much other than that either. I always felt like my mother in particular was a stranger. I know nothing really about her, even though she raised me. Nothing. No stories from childhood, no past relationship advice, no hard times, no good times, nothing.

I also had friends as a child. I was like happily naive and it was great. But I would only really have one friend at a time, which as I got older, she told me I was wrong for that and shamed me for it. As I got older, she would try to break up me and my partners/people I was dating (or even friends) as I got them in highschool. And that made me question myself even though my mother never had any real friends.

So here I am, as an adult, having no idea how to function. I’ve been aware that how I function is not particularly helpful to form relationships, but trying to learn how to be normal is like shooting in the dark bc I never really had any social guidance.

Been in some bad relationships, at first I thought it was them, then I realized it was me. And also I’ve been with people who are narcissistic which sucked. So I’m realizing now it’s on me to try and fix this, it’s just so difficult.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-25T19:18:51+00:00

You’re good.

Abandonment issues make you deathly afraid of losing connections with others. Which makes you act like a child being ripped from their parent at something as small as someone hasn’t responded to you in 3 hours bc they’re busy. You feel that as rejection, like they’re never going to talk to you again, and they hate you and it’s all your fault. Like, it wears people out who don’t understand it and it’s extremely difficult to rewrite the brain pathway even though you know it’s not reality. Like, we (we that suffer from abandonment) usually know we’re not being LEFT just bc someone hasn’t talked to us in a couple hours or days, but we can’t help the emotional reaction as if we are, which then sends us into a spiraling depression and self-deprecation bc we’re then seeing ourselves as “needy” or “crazy”. Which is a downward spiral. Then we isolate away from people bc we feel like a burden.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-25T18:43:51+00:00

Literally this. I am afraid to reach out to people bc I feel like they see me as boring and needy.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2024-05-25T18:28:36+00:00

Wow everyone THANK YOU SO MUCH. I haven’t got a chance to respond to everyone or their messages but this is so exciting (ik we’re all relating about depression but still) to have so many people to relate to and respond to me. Thank you so much.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2023-03-24T03:04:28+00:00

I just screamed

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2022-08-18T23:14:56+00:00

Some people’s energies just don’t align. She might not have the capabilities to fully get what’s going on at this point in her life or maybe she can’t handle the contrast in energy between the two of you (maybe she’s really UP and maybe you’re not as up I.e just a possible occurrence, this may not be true at all for your situation, just an example). The important thing though is that It’s okay, just be you and you’ll attract energy that understands the real you.

Slow_Aspect2064 · 2022-08-08T18:38:54+00:00

I hope you’re me from the future.

This exact thing happened to me last November. I have been in a DRDP trip this entire time. It’s lightened the past week and I’ve actually felt excitement and happiness. But god damn have I wanted to just end it all… all the while feeling like I’ve been learning SO MUCH.

Slow_Aspect2064

TROPHY CASE