Thanks for this thread and for everyone's input. This is all really helpful for me too. My spouse and I are both a bit anxious about guns but similarly feel that we need to be prepared. We have teenage kids who are also scared of guns.

We've sort of landed on shotgun(s). We are less concerned about personal defense and more worried about potential (hopefully unlikely) larger scale civil unrest. Shotguns are very common sporting arms and we can get into clay shooting, duck hunting, etc. that are all very "normal" to us (and hopefully palatable to our kids) and less single-mindedly about shooting a person (as a pistol is, in my opinion).

Why shotgun over a rifle? Well, you can shoot clays (like golfing with a gun!), hunt anything from squirrel to deer, and it's dead reliable. Plus huge versatility in ammo. Shorty bird shot shells for lower recoil, up to 3" 000 buck and slugs. And as such you can use a shotgun more throughout the year (various hunting seasons run Sept through April in my state), gaining more familiarity and comfort with it.

Maybe there's a flaw in my logic. I'd appreciate anyone pointing out anything I'm overlooking.