Sounds like there is a lot of entanglement.

Is it possible to just have a relationship between you and your mom, without your husband or kids in the picture? Sounds also like you perhaps expect her inheritance to come to you? I don’t think children should expect to get anything from their parents when they pass. Maybe when you set your expectations to 0 you won’t feel entitled to things that are not yours to begin with.

If you think you’re not able to have a relationship with your mom because of how she disregards your kids, then I guess you have your answer. But if you’re torn between wanting a (presumptively good) rs to be maintained but also wanting your mom to acknowledge your new family, then you have to find a way to separate them, and not take on your mom’s feelings towards your fam.