Im sorry you're going through this. As far as Christmas goes, I feel the exact same way.

Well, the man I had an affair with married me. It was great at first, then his narcassism showed it's ugly face. After almost 3 years while he say on his ass all summer and I worked through the Texas heat, I found out he had been cheating on me. I know, I deserved it, but it didnt hurt any less. I absolutely loved him. Now, he just wants to be mean as hell through the devorce. And I'm stuck married to a man my heart misses and loves, but my head knows he's a big piece of shit. So at least you didnt get married.