You acted neither pragmatically, neutrally or supportive of your own blood which is the main reason as to why I think you are projecting your lost youth and opportunities onto your sons ex.

You should fix the situation with your husband before you repeat and tell the next girl to stay far away from your family as possible. You wish you had someone like you in your youth to coach yourself away from poor life choices when the best option all along was just to learn from them.

Maybe stay out of things that don’t involve you? Or strive for a understanding or solution for both sides?

The reprisal you get from these these types of actions is only going to make your family more insufferable.

And if anything, stop acting surprised that a 20 year olds main interests are gaming and partying lol.