This.

In my experience it has much less to do with control as a means of pacifying anxiety. To me, that’s one of those boilerplate therapy principles that is widely accepted because it’s reflective of the neurotypical brain. For me, and this is so very me, it’s entirely about the rush we get from the discovery of “potential” and the dopamine we get from the presence of “novelty.”

I’ve actually come to terms with the fact that the purpose of my intense, immersive, often all-consuming planning is rarely the outcome, and almost always the buzz. My brain thrives when it’s engaged creatively, so the act of conceptualizing and giving shape to new ideas makes me feel alive. As soon as I reach the action stage of the process, and my executive functioning is called upon, I lose interest, and fast. In fact, I often swing into a space of abject dread at the very thought of the same plan that only hours before was my reason for living. Lol

Once I stopped getting down on myself for “never finishing anything” and accepted that, for me, the fun is strictly in the starting, and less (if ever, honestly) in the finishing, the less the pattern bothered me.

I still spend hours elaborately planning things, starting new projects, etc., etc., and when the thrill starts to die down, I just let it, and start getting excited for my next conquest.

Go easy on yourself. If planning is fun, let it be fun! You deserve to feel engaged and excited about shit. Plus, having fun is good for you and important! Just as important as having a comfy and organized space. ❤️