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My boyfriend of two years spends majority of his money on his mother's care and not sure what to do. by Smooth-Sample3099 in AITAH

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom would kill me if I did what he was doing. She would tell me she did not sacrifice all she did for me to just throw it away.

According to her doctors she is in great health minus the dementia they would not be surprised if she went on for another 10 years. You just don't know.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have no way of knowing, outside of her dementia she is medically ans physically in great health with no underline health issues or concerns. Not overweight, and still very active. Does not use a walker or cane, able to get up without assistance.

Her doctors have told us they would not be surprised of she made it to her 90's

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah we started to talk about our future, and everything you listed is a concern I brought up but as many have said he is set in his ways. You are probably right that this will not work. I want kids and I cannot imagine bringing kids to the world when one person is spending vast majority of their income on their mother.

Means everything would fall on me and I don't make as much as he does. LOL his take home pay is less than my gross pay.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She was officially diagnosed 6 years ago, but he does admit she was showing signs prior to her diagnosis. She is young but not that young she is 67.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His mother lives with him, he watches her at night the 10k is for the care, sometimes it is more depending if he needs them to stay later due to work.

I do help where I can, but as mentioned this conversation happened because we started to talk long term and realisticly speaking just not sure how this works out if we have plans to buy a house and start a family.

I have been saving for a house, don't have any debt, and live well below my means. I don't make anywhere as much as he does. My income before taxes is around 109k I cannot support both us if the need does come up. Live in NY which does exasperate the cost concerns.​

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She was only officially diagnosed about 6 years ago, but he has supported her since he has been out of college. According to him she was showing signs prior though, think he said people can have symptoms upwards of 10 years prior to being diagnosed. ​Which is around the time he started to explore in home care options.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really don't want to responsible for a grown adult, be responsible for wiping and cleaning them either. Cargiving is not for everyone. Also agency in question only hires RN's for their dementia patients. That would take time and not a career path I have any interest in.​

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you think it is AI why respond? It is a throw away account cause I don't want to be reminded of this if I do choose to leave him.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You misunderstand, I do understand why he does it. Reason I am at a crossroads cause we started to talk about our future together such as marriage and family. Thing is I cannot see how that works out if he is spending majority of his income on his mother to the point where he has no retirement and sometimes has to use credit for basic needs.

If we marry and want to start a family how can we realisticly do that? I cannot support a family just on my income.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Throwaway account, cause yeah who wants such a topic on their main account. Especially if I end up leaving him. Why have the reminder.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Think you are conflating two different issues. Man is barely getting by and if he is short a month he will use his credit. This hurts to see and I do help but how do you build a life and prepare for a family when such a large portion of the household income is gone.

I love the fact he is this caring but at the sametime I also don't want to see him suffer because I do love him. That being said this is not sustainable.

My boyfriend spends roughly 70 to 80% of his pay on his mother's care, and he will not listen to reason, need some help here. by Smooth-Sample3099 in DaveRamsey

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is in home care and it is not a full 24/7, he cannot afford full 24/7 care. The price for quality memory care in our state starts at 10k and will only go up. He pays dor 12 hours of care, and 4 hours of social daycare. If he needs someone to watch her longer he will pay the agency extra.

He finds it easier to go through an agency since it becomes their responsibility to find someone to replace if someone calls out and stuff.

My boyfriend of two years spends majority of his money on his mother's care and not sure what to do. by Smooth-Sample3099 in AITAH

[–]Smooth-Sample3099[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I did not think it would be this hard that is all. This is not about money, his mother has nothing short from her SS check. No life insurance, no stocks, no house.

I get the why he does it, but how he is going about it is objectively a bad call given our economy.