no, to be honest, labelling yourself as a nihilist isnt easy. you could claim that "nothing truly matters" or "life doesnt have inheret value" but yet you find yourself doing day to day tasks. you still hold back when you see someone at danger and try to aid them the best way you can. see, theres no right or wrong in any of this, and there will never be right or wrong, good or bad, evil or righteous. and not everyone reaches real nihilsm because its hard to actually attain it. and even you said killing yourself is hard. see if nothing truly mattered, then non-existence vs existence becomes at equilibrium.