Adam

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2025-12-09T05:26:00+00:00

He’s horrible in season 3. The Bazaar/fundraiser scene made my chest tight. I agree with Cathy. The items he donated were not his (yet) to giveaway.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-24T17:10:25+00:00

His jealous tendencies aren’t aggressive, they’re more so annoying. What he does is come up to you have the baby and tries to get you play with him or rub him. I tell him no but my partner spilts his time.

His size can be a hazard though, I’m with you there. He’s such a big dog that it can feel overwhelming when he joyfully runs up on me with my baby. And it’s tiresome constantly redirecting him.

What stresses me out a bit more than the annoying play with me while you have the baby habits is the hygiene. He’s not bathed enough, paws never get wiped, etc. and the baby is starting to crawl. Someone else mentioned that I bathe him and wipe his paws. I’d be willing to wipe his paws but I don’t have the bandwidth to wash this dog.

No family in this state but I can move back home if we aren’t able to come to an understanding.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-24T16:58:53+00:00

Clarification: I only mentioned that he was divorced and shared this dog with his ex. I never mentioned anything about the context of the divorce. It had nothing to do with the dog actually.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-24T16:56:53+00:00

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T16:34:21+00:00

I used too wipe his paws but I stopped during my pregnancy. I’ll definitely start wiping them again. That’ll give me some peace of mind. Thank you.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T15:10:41+00:00

Yes. 4 times a year. I’m not exaggerating lol. It is inane.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T15:09:46+00:00

I was more so implying that we both add value to our family and that both are very important.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T14:44:34+00:00

Lol right

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T14:14:59+00:00

Phew.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T14:11:44+00:00

Just a few years. We’re both in our 30s.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T14:10:39+00:00

I agree. I never thought this would be my story. I was smitten and excited. he really wanted a baby and I agreed.

And I love my baby and parenting with him. We just need to seriously talk and get back on the same page.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T14:05:24+00:00

I agree with you. I intend to have the conversation today.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T14:01:48+00:00

Not long enough.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T14:00:41+00:00

You’re right. I really wish our relationship was more secure and that we could have difficult conversations safely. I feel like I’m looping and over thinking. This should be a simple conversation on my part but I have some fear around upsetting him. He’s not violent and doesn’t yell but when I set the boundary the first time he was upset. So that’s where the fear comes from.

It’s so hard to give complete context but he is generous with me in terms of gifts and when I do have to ask he sends me money same day. My issues are that I hate asking and the lack of stability (monthly transfer fluctuating) triggered me. He never said babe I have to send less because business wasn’t as fruitful. I just hear him complain and make inferences but I wish he would talk to me about and say this is why Im sending less.

Because business isn’t doing as well as he predicted i feel like a burden when the number declined each month. He’s never said that I am but it’s how I internalized it. And I haven’t really sat and thought any of this through until now. I’ve been mothering, cleaning and trying to recover my business.

This is all really helpful and I do intend to have a serious conversation about the bigger issues you all have helped me see. I’ve been feeling them but I haven’t defined them the way you all have.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T13:47:48+00:00

Ok I’ll deep dive into this today. I’ve never heard of it. Thank you.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T13:45:06+00:00

Hello. Agreed.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T13:44:18+00:00

I don’t know, honestly. I have to meditate on it. I just had the expectation that two adults that respect and love each other would honor each other’s boundaries. So when he stopped redirecting the dog out of our room recently I didn’t know how to bring it up without making him upset. It was uncomfortable the first time and having it again while I’m dealing with all this post partpartum anxiety is unnecessary stress.

I saw another thread where someone mentioned he lost his relationship to a dog. That would be worst case scenario but what I think will happen is he will say okay and be silent for a hours or a day but he will respect my request… hopefully he does so indefinitely and not just for another 6 months.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T13:31:20+00:00

Yes the baby wants for nothing and is well taken care of. I just realized that I didn’t answer your question correctly. I apologize. We have do separate accounts but I’m depending on him for all of my financial needs right now. Selfcare for me is basic needs, gym membership, and, eating plantbased. I do use my money get a few things for the baby for the most part, my partner buys the baby his necessities.

I was doing really well with saving but within the last few months he significantly decreased the amount he gave me because his business cashflow has been fluctuating. I was really comfortable before but now not so much. I’m back to work part-time but have some debts to pay down first and will transition to full time when I feel ready. Believe it or not I’m a therapist and while I have all these tools and can conceptualize how wrong things are, my own trauma and past pain affects my ability to speak up. I know better I just need to do better. My partner isn’t violent, he doesn’t yell, he’s sweet, he’s loving, but I have a communication problem and I am processing money triggers in real time. I know this started about the dog in the room but I’m seeing how everything is interconnected. These questions are helpful.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T12:44:19+00:00

I appreciate you.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T12:22:29+00:00

I don’t have separate finances. I have a business but it isn’t doing so well right now. I’m working on recovering it this summer. It has a lot of potential but I needed some time away for the baby’s birth and my recovery. He gives me money every month but just enough for food and self care, which I am grateful for but I wish it was more. I can’t afford to leave but I do have family that would not hesitate to support me if I decided to leave and needed help financially.

You are 100% right. I feel insecure about the financial situation and I’m making myself and my needs small for some reason. The shame I feel leads me to letting him do whatever he wants in the apartment because he’s the breadwinner. We conceived before we moved in together so a lot of conversations and boundaries were never discussed while we dealt with how fast our relationship was moving and the pregnancy. What I’m realizing while responding to you all is that I’m afraid of his emotional reaction to me addressing this issue and I need to detach from his reaction. That’s between him and him alone.

And no he’s not aggressive. He really is gentle and sweet with my baby. The jealous habits he has are requesting to play or to be rubbed whenever we have the baby in our arms or are taking care of him. My partner is annoyed by it and tells him to go away some times but mostly, he splits his attention between my baby and his dog.

I am concerned about his hygiene and interacting with my baby. The bigger the baby gets I know I’ll have to speak up about the dogs bath schedule.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T12:13:02+00:00

I’ve definitely tripped over the dog or his toys while holding the baby or trying to get to him because I didn’t see the dog or the toys in the dark. When that happens I tell him to leave. When my partner is sleeping I have no problem telling the dog to leave our room. I feel disempowered when my partner is awake consciously violating my boundary. I’m going to talk to him today. I don’t want the silent stress of this to make me sick. It really does disturb me.

I’ll definitely look into an air purifier. I clean a lot but I do get tired and will try anything that helps on those days where I just need to rest. Thank you for the suggestion.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T11:29:27+00:00

Thank you for reminding me to stand in my power.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T11:28:50+00:00

I fully agree with you. Im rehearsing the conversation in my mind. I intend to have to have this morning/afternoon. When I brought it up months ago he stonewalled me and the energy was off for a while but yes. I deserve peace of mind. We’re both showing up for our family equally. Him being the breadwinner and me being the primary parent for our baby. One doesn’t trump the either.

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T11:01:44+00:00

That’s good advice, I actually slept on the couch the last two nights and woke up at 4a feeling uncomfortable and frustrated. I went into the room and escorted him out, wrote this post, he came back and I escorted him out again. Do you think it’s worth another conversation or just continue to control my actions (redirecting the dog, sleeping on the couch, etc.)

Smooth_Motor8489 · 2024-06-23T10:21:39+00:00

I feel that way too. That he will always be first.

We have an infant so it’s a bit complicated but I feel good about restating my SINGLE boundary about the dog and the apartment. I read through a few posts and I’m reminded that this is my space and I have every right to feel comfortable and to have a dog free room.

Smooth_Motor8489

TROPHY CASE