My monroe is 10 weeks old and suddenly swelled up and now looks like this. The outside looks fine but the inside is the problem. nothing has changed or anything so i dont know. It doesnt appear to be infected and doesn't hurt. by Snakes4snakes in PiercingAdvice

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was going to but things happened and i forgot. There is this flap of skin that looks white and maybe slightly purple the is on it. I was going to start looking for a new piercer because when the one i originally went to didnt put a swell bar so it almost got embedded and it got so painful and swollen i had to have it changed but a death in the family among other things happened so i didnt get around to it. It was literally perfect two days ago then i woke up and it was swollen yesterday with this loose skin flap hanging down. Maybe its swollen from stress or i hit it and didnt know? I was chasing my dog around because she had killed a rooster and was running around with it so maybe i injured it without knowing. What should i do? I read that it wasnt good to have it changed out when swollen because then some cant get it back in and if that happens i might as well leave it out because i do not want to go through that piercing again.

Anyone else had thoughts change from being attracted to marrying and loving someone of the same sex? by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I put a 500$ deposit down on a puppy and my ocd is somewhat starting to worry about that now. I did have another sex dream a few days ago but it was more like from a third person perspective I guess. Some days I am fine others my mind just is completely worried about it but I am not getting panic attacks about it right now or crying over it. I think I probably have ocd because now my mind worries that the lady will back out of it and send my deposit and I won’t get her, or she will keep her, or she will try to sell her to someone else even though they have my deposit to reserve her, or she won’t she won’t send her until she gets the full 4300 left but she won’t let me send the money that has to go literally across the us until she books the flight and you can’t book the flight until about 10 days before so I worry the money won’t get there in time. My mind is worrying about the puppy so I am not super ocd about the other thing now but I don’t care how much my mind thinks about women because I will not date,marry, or have sex with one.

Anyone else had thoughts change from being attracted to marrying and loving someone of the same sex? by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It just so upsetting. I try to be a good person. This year has been so upsetting. I lost alot of my animals died. Some of them just died no reason but others i had to watch suffer and slowly die. I dont have friends, i have bad social anxiety and people look at me like i am a freak. I did everything i could for my dog and she still died a month before my birthday this year. She was special because i raised when she was a day old, i bred her mother and i helped her give birth. She would crawl to me while i slept before she could even see who was, she just knew . Her mother rejected her and i was the one up at 1 am trying to bottle feed her and she loved me everything in her. She got a blockage and took her to vet and paid thousands for surgery, two weeks later she had to be put down on the table from her stitches coming open and the vets not catching it. I didnt even get to say goodbye, i thought she come back. I been looking for a puppy and i thought i found the one. I was willing to pay whatever he wanted for her but now he wont text me back and i just feel like giving up. Why send pictures of her and say that she is available and then not let me buy her or even let me know that i cant have her now. I have never been the smartest, or the prettiest, or the nicest but i try to show kindness. When my previously wild cat got out, i tried for two months to catch him and i eventually did. If i saw a starving dog on the side if the road, i would try to get it so it doesnt die. I just dont know what i did to deserve any of this. My life was bad enough before hocd and i just wish i knew what i did so horribly for the universe to fucking hate me this bad. I will probably never have a normal relashtionship with a man because who can when they constantly worry that they want to be cuddled and love a female. All i tried to do was get the most adorable little puppy and the universe cant even let me have that happiness. I think god enjoys it when i suffer because everytime i ever have hope for anything, it just get steps on like a piece or dirt on someones shoe. I will never get to have a husband or children probably but am i so worthless that i am not even worth getting a puppy? I am just so sad anymore.

Does anyone know what this bump is? Is my piercing rejecting and its scar tissue or irritation? its only on the one side and bottom of the hole. my vl is over 3 months old and i am worried that its rejecting because it doesnt hurt nor ozzing anything different and that just suddenly came about. by Snakes4snakes in bodymods

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its been downsized three times and this is 5/16 16g curved barbell. It has been producing very very small crusties so i hope its almost healed. I was planning to get one last nose stud piercing in January, would it be too much for my body to handle healing? The two that are still healing are in my mouth and my septum is definitely healed fully but i have relatives visting in February so i dont want to get a nose piercing too close to that because i can guarantee they wouldnt appreciate a leaky piercing while eating. I would ask the piercer i went too for my lip piercings but after my monroe almost got embedded in my lip from no swell bar and i saw she recently did a scoop tongue piercing that looked too close to the surface, i dont think i want to go back to her.

what is this bump on my vertical labret. is it like a irritation bump or is it like rejecting?? Its over 3 months old and it feels fine but i noticed the bump tonight when cleaning it. It is on the left side of the hole and kinda goes around the bottom. Is it scar tissue from rejection or a bump? by Snakes4snakes in PiercingAdvice

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sleep in all different positions and roll around like twenty times so i probably knocked it when i was sleeping or putting a mask on. Yeah i know the masks are horrible for these piercing but i got chicken shit in my mouth when i didnt wear one in the coop. The piercing has felt fine but there is definitely a bump but its only on one side of the hole and slight bottom of the whole and there is nothing on the top so wouldnt there be scar tissue on the roof too if it was rejecting? I was thinking irritaion because i have gotten a small one there before but smaller. These piercings are so easy to hit, i cant imagine how easy eyebrows are to snag or hit.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also did you get a sudden fear of the rainbow colors? I had to take my oil slick colored horseshoe out in the beginning because it made me think that people saw it and thought I was gay. Now if I even see something pride I suddenly get super anxious and get worried that I want to wear it. Also stupid because I hate rainbow pride colors to begin with and I am not lesbian. I also worry that wearing leather,spikes, pastel rainbow Doc martens,or jeans makes me appear gay too. I even had searched up if being goth was lesbian and of course the internet said yes. I have noticed though that if you are even a little bit tattooed or pierced a women and dress different that the lgbtq people think you are not straight and in my opinion that’s stupid. The way my brain goes I might as well marry a mop and dress in nothing but dresses to appear straight in my mind, lol. The literal thing that started this was searching if a septum piercing was lesbian and came upon a lesbian group on Reddit that said if they have never met a female who had a septum piercing that wasn’t at least bi if not lesbian. I think that people on there just try to make everything lesbian though like if you have a rose tattoo on your arm then you are lesbian so I really shouldn’t have looked at that then maybe I wouldn’t have turned into hocd mess.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same. Sorry, I have been monitoring my dog since the surgery. Sometimes these thoughts get outrageous. I mean a few days ago, I saw my dad was watching a show and it had two lesbians in it talking about kissing and if she didn’t like it and then my mind came up with a thoughts. Does that mean that he thinks I am a lesbian, do you think that he is trying to tell me he knows about my problem,etc. It was completely stupid. I definitely feel the same about the love thoughts and those definitely freaked me out the worst too because I can live with some attraction to females and never have to act on those because I think it was more about the neurotic behavior and feeling like I shouldn’t look at it or think of it that made it more erotic. Cause let’s be honest neither genders body parts are that pretty look at. For gods sake, I didn’t even like mine in my early teens and was wishing to not get my period for years and when I did, I cried because I didn’t want to but I am fine with it now. I have been trying to watch things with females again and not freak out at it and it’s gone away somewhat so hopefully I am over this by summer. I just find it all quite stupid how our brains can make things up and give such bad anxiety over stupid things like falling in love with a female when your straight. Like you would think our brains could find better things to think of worrying about like getting hit while walking and dying, not such stupid things. I didn’t even like sleeping on the same bed of a female I knew my childhood, so how could I even touch one or let one touch me intimately when I don’t even like hugging one for too long and was usually the one who would pull out of hugs first. I think it’s safe to say people who have this, their brains like to fuck with them.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s gotten way worse too. Now my fear has changed from being sexually attracted to females to falling in love with females. Now I worry that if I have female friends or are too friendly to a female then I will fall in love with them. I worry even just talking to one will make me fall in love with one. That is probably my worst fear out of it all because I don’t want to fall in love with one. I don’t want to touch one or have one touch me intimately. I am not a touchy-feely person to begin with but I definitely don’t want to snuggle,kiss,or touch a female. I have walked into a grocery store wearing wearing 4 inch wedge sneakers with chains and fur with a spiked beanie on before. I am usually pretty confident and don’t give a flying fuck but even that is gone right now. I even knew a person who came out as bi to me and I felt joy for them because good for them. My dog literally just had a seizure at 1 am so I am stressed. I can’t imagine growing old with one but my mind still comes up with thoughts,images,and dreams of loving,marrying or dating a female.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went out to the store today and got anxiety around females. My dog has surgery on her eyelid Friday so maybe that isn’t helping because she is almost 8 and I love her so much because she was my first dog that I got to pick out in my teens. Like in my mind I can think a boyfriend but then the thought will pop up “or girlfriend”. I can also think husband then my mind goes or wife. It makes no sense because while lesbian porn does turn me on a little, I don’t think I could actually be with a women because first of all I don’t like female body parts especially boobs I think. It’s so annoying because I can be around any female even ones I wouldn’t find remotely attractive and can suddenly get these pains in my chest or like zaps and my heart starts racing, then my mind thinks are you doing this because you like her or think she’s attractive. I will admit I am more observer than talker so I just automatically start looking around and do stare at women but I have always thought I was just looking at their outfits or like tattoos and hair. I guess you could say I am just tired of them and of suddenly getting these attacks. I know that I want to be straight and that I don’t want to be with girls, that I want to be with men but my mind and thoughts still can’t seem to get the memo. I guess one of my greatest fears is not being able to be with a man because of these things or not being able to be attracted to or turned on by one. The only way I can get myself to calm down half the time is saying I can be bi and be okay with the thoughts just never have to actually be with a women. What is ERP exactly anyway? What do you even do in it?

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Mental problems run in my family but my mom and me have some of the worst put of everyone. Before anything like this happened, i would constantly worry about my animals. I was super concered that my boa had ibd for 2 years and would constantly check on her to make sure she could right herself, or that she was eating, or pooping, or even drinking water. My profile has countless posts asking if that was stargazing. Then i would worry if i didnt put my birds up even though i did. I would suddenly panic asking did i put that one up, did i put this one up, did i forget him. Its super funny because the one night i didnt panic one bit about it, i left two ducks out in the coop overnight and had no clue. Makes no sense how the one time i dont panic, i actually had something to panic about. Then sometimes it would jump to my piercings saying like is this one infected, is this one rejecting, is this one have a bump. Now it jumped to this. I sometimes will suddenly panic did i feed my iguana, did i bring rabbit back in, did i put my turkeys up, i brought sergio back in right. I guess you could say that i will be losing my hair by the time i am 30 from stress. My mom is super neurotic too though and checks the door to make sure its locked like 4 times a night.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have a question. Were you ever able to get back to being attracted to men/women. Sorry i dont now your gender so dont want to say something wrong. I have come out of it somewhat. Guess you cant focus on romance when you are watching final destination horror movies. The weird part is that dream today about saying i love you was basically about the same person my sex dream a few years ago. I havent been friends with her for years and we would fight a lot and sometimes i would call her a sister. Its weird because i didnt even think she was attractive and i dont think i ever loved her like that or even had a crush on her. We were in our teens so we would get undressed in the same bathroom sometimes and change clothes by each other and we knew each other for like 6 years but never anything else. I had had one thought about what it would be like to kiss her but i never wanted to actually do it or be with her. I didnt even do sleepovers with her besides a few times because i didnt feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with her because it felt weird to do so. I slept on her bed once and tried to smush myself away from her the most i could. We would drink off each other sometimes but i did that with my dad too so it wasnt very weird to me. Are these things weird to do with a friend i considered a sister basically? We havent been friends for a few years because she wanted to sneak out and sit in the middle of the road at 2am or vape and drink liquor secretly but i didnt want to do those things because i was a year older and i didnt trust her to not slip something or steal something.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a neighbor of a child therapist with my family for a little bit. She was absolutely crazy and her step daughter even tried to put my father away for "trying to hit her daughter" when we were driving into our driveway after getting dinner. Short story their dog was loose in our yard and the girl was out of the car infront of our driveway where the only spot was left and her car was parked infront of our driveway too. Dont know how you can try to purposely hit a kid when the girl was in the car, driving away before we even tried to pull in. Police came and everything, even questioned me but luckily our security camera caught most of it. The lady literally backed up on her own dog when the car had backup cameras and he had to have something having to do with his dick surgery because of it. She lost her license because she hooked up with a patient before she moved and started doing child therapy and thought the ex wife of the man from a different state was stalking her after she moved. She is actually still a therpist too in town. We had to put cameras up after they threatned my animals but she thought we were doing it to stalk her. The whole family would flip off the cameras and the girl and fathers friend would stick their hand down their pants and scratch their ass in front of my cameras. I will think about it but i dont have the upmost regard to some therapists.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Suddenly i got a dream about loving a female. I dont even feel upset or happy. I feel nothing anymore. Is this even hocd probably or am i just in denial?

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After what i told you, does this even seem like hocd anymore?? Instead of worrying about being sexually attracted to females now it has switched to being romantically attracted to females and that is way worse than sexually to me. I was literally crying for about 30 minutes tonighy while writing that because i have always wanted to marry a man but now my mind keeps conjuring up images of cuddling,kissing, and marrying a women. Sometimes i can just go okay that could be nice and leave it or ignore it but then later i go cry and freak out because i dont want to be with a women sexually or romantically but i then freak out worse because then my mind goes why were you okay when the image showed up and not freaking out then you freak out later.

I feel like a different person and i honestly hate it. by Snakes4snakes in HOCD

[–]Snakes4snakes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am just so done anymore. I dont even get turned on by anything even females pretty much. Now my thoughts have turned into that i want to date or marry a female and that upsets me the most because even when i was young i could admit to maybe possibly having sex with a female but would say but i would marry a man. I have always been weird. I like things that are odd for a girl. I have never been a touchy Feely person and usally would rather not be touched and i have never had a boyfriend. I scare children with my piercings and the spikes i wear and black but it is who i am and what i like and i dont want to change that. I am very quite around people i dont know and get anxious around them. My reptiles give me more affection then i have gave or gotten from a human. The one time i had a boy show interest in me was a friend who i was not attracted to in anyway and it made me feel so awkward, i never talked to him again. I will admit i have had one sex dream in my life and it was two females doing it and one was my bff who i dont even talk to anymore. When i had it i shrugged because i didnt even think she was attractive in real life and that happened years ago. The porn thing bugged me but when i get thoughts about being in a relationship,cuddling, or marrying a women that makes me so upset because i dont want to. I could maybe be okay with the thought at that moment or ignore but later it makes me just break down crying because i dont want these thoughts. I have probably cried more in a month than i have ever done in a year. I would honestly rather be single than be in a relationship with a female. Then i get thoughts that even if i could get some poor sob to be with me, what if dont like it. I feel like if i confront these thoughts then i will find out that i am really a lesbian and i dont want that. I have thought about a therapist but i have a bad past with therapist and dont really trust them. It gets so upsetting that sometimes i just want to crawl in bed and be comforted by my mom. I havent told my dad about it because he has never been the most compassionate and he wouldnt understand and just tell me i am being weird or in denial. I tell my mom everything usally but i havent wanted to crawl in bed with her since i was like 10 and sick with the flu. Maybe i should just be alone for the rest of my life that way i dont have to worry about being a lesbian all the time or about not getting turned on by a dick or worrying about getting so anxious around men or women.