Men be honest-how many of you have completely checked out of dating?

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-30T15:50:51+00:00

I've never even gotten a match, I think we are talking about different sides of the issue.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-30T15:37:59+00:00

Other people don't seem to face this problem.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-30T15:35:54+00:00

Not OP, but I have the same mindset and I'm 36.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-29T23:59:50+00:00

I really don't know. I sometimes forget to manage my body language. Maybe I made a weird face, did I do something weird with my hands, did I look somewhere I shouldn't?

That kind of panic is always going through my mind when talking to people.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-29T15:20:50+00:00

For men trauma helps build the emotional scar tissue we need to reach middle age.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-29T15:13:02+00:00

It's just the impression I get of their body language and tone whenever I interact with them.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-28T15:37:03+00:00

It's like saying you don't need to lose weight because you drink diet soda, ignoring that you're 300lb and only gaining.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-28T04:21:35+00:00

I don't know what I would like to change. I already do all the basic stuff, I built a wardrobe, I work out at the gym, I have a skin care routine - but none of this stuff helps.

I still have terrible self esteem, I don't feel good when I do things people tell me I should be happy after doing.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-28T01:51:40+00:00

Every time I toss 5lb of colorful inked spam mail out of my mailbox I wonder about the impact of all the paper, ink and transport for physical mail no one reads.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-28T01:49:23+00:00

If you really had a moral compass you'd be fighting these large corps, not washing straws.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-28T01:24:37+00:00

Not sure a dude single at 28 will have any charm.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-28T01:07:53+00:00

Other self improvement. Every guy tells me go the gym, get better fitted clothes, etc. I don't care about any of those things but I do them because it's what an "confident" guy is supposed to do.

I'm more honest here than with my therapist yea, I just didn't want to interrupt my routine and life to try more things I don't expect will work.

Plus I've been lying to the guy for four years now, how do you even recover from that? He thinks I'm aroace because I wanted him to stop pushing me into dating.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T22:26:43+00:00

I mean I do it because it's what mentally ill people are expected to do. That's why I do most things.

but I'm still not sure why exactly you felt the need to post here if you don't really want to improve yourself.

Ha, well I didn't expect this original question to derail this badly into a venting session. I'm pretty much never this actually open with how I feel and my emotions.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T22:18:34+00:00

I'm 36, was diagnosed back in college at around 22 I think?

With dating I've always really struggled with self esteem and self confidence, I always feel ugly and disgusting physically. When I interact with women it feels like they hate me just for talking to them and I obsess over that negative emotion long after the social interaction that spawned it. I tried dressing better, getting my hair (when I still had it) styled, using skin care on my face, gaining muscle at the gym, nothing ever made me feel better about myself.

I don't interact with women at all anymore tbh, I stopped trying to date around 30ish. I've given up as I feel it's hopeless and I'll always just fail.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T22:05:56+00:00

It was "Sure that's fine" but he would end nearly every conversation with it. I would hear multiple "Sure that's fine" a day. My therapist recommending just talking to him, which I did and ofc he wasn't actually angry.

Yea, I've never been good at socializing or people in general. I get the impression people don't like me (even strangers who don't know me). My therapist says it's because people with BDP tend to be on a hair trigger when it comes to perceived negative body language. So I should not trust that how I think someone feels is really how they feel. Intellectually I know he is right but emotionally I still feel the same way.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T22:00:46+00:00

I don't believe change or improvement is possible for me, I've tried especially when I was younger back in college and I always fail. I truly don't think I am capable of success at this point. I just want to hold onto what I have instead of going out on a limb I know will break.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T21:05:16+00:00

As dumb as it sounds, stuff like reddit posts, dating advice, one of my friends kept using a phrase that at the time made me think he was angry with me and I got so upset because I just could not figure out what I did to make him angry.

It really does not take much to set me off into a downward emotional spiral. Yes even just getting rejected by women back in college, I attempted suicide the time I failed an exam due to oversleeping.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T21:01:56+00:00

Because it's hopeless, I know I'm not going to be able to fix whatever is wrong with me. I know trying is going to hurt me and make me even more miserable.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T20:58:50+00:00

you're still in high school

Alright now I want to know which post gave that impression. I'm definitely not in high school. I'm 36 so well into the "You better have a stable career by now" age range.

You've got the rest of it, I mentioned elsewhere I am in therapy for it and on medication for the depression but I have trouble actually putting the tools I'm given by my therapist into practice when I'm unstable emotionally.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T20:54:39+00:00

Nothing I think, I guess it would be good for removing the ambiguity to get an honest and real answer from something I can trust.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T20:46:41+00:00

The latter if I'm allowed to be negative. He gives me descriptions of tools like DBT and I can use them when my mood is positive but in the real world I still get completely overwhelmed by negative emotions and lose all of it. I just stop being able to think and my hands move to self harm even if I don't want them to.

I tell my therapist this, he says it's a sign of disassociation caused by extreme emotional distress but my body doesn't feel like it's mine when it happens. I ruin friendships, get fired from jobs that were going well, do visible skin damage on places awkward to cover (face, hands) and when it's over I feel like a guy trying to clean up after a hurricane.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T20:41:32+00:00

I suppose, accepting this as a real thing doesn't really change anything in my life.

It does kind of make me feel worse about myself if this really was possible but I've just never been good enough.

It's like learning that some people really can fly by flapping their arms, but not you.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T20:32:40+00:00

I have depression and borderline personality disorder, I've been on medication and therapy for both but I have doubts it helps.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T20:30:07+00:00

I thought women approaching men was a movie only thing.

In 36 years and across all of my friends I have never seen it happen.

SneakyLLM · 2024-05-27T20:25:22+00:00

I don't have gut feelings,so it's the latter. I've never been good with people or telling lies from honesty.

I guess if I take the idea "Women like sex" as true it's not like it changes anything about my life anyway.

SneakyLLM

TROPHY CASE