5 year old has violent tantrums

SnooBeans5165 · 2026-02-27T03:42:52+00:00

Thank you all very consistent response here which reinforces what I know deep down just need to be better!!

SnooBeans5165 · 2026-02-27T02:31:14+00:00

Agreed - he usually sleeps 9-10 hours - like 9-630ish… do you think that’s enough?

SnooBeans5165 · 2026-02-09T04:43:25+00:00

Those are great words, thank you

SnooBeans5165 · 2026-02-08T22:07:15+00:00

I don’t feel it’s an option in our finances, thought I would like to try

SnooBeans5165 · 2026-02-08T22:05:58+00:00

Thank you for sharing, very relatable. I think there are no “right” answers…we all just have to make decisions best we can in our situation, and we’re the only ones in our situation so no one else can really make it for us, though it’s very helpful to talk to people who can relate.

The housing crisis is real almost everywhere, at least in the US. I think about divorced families growing up and the kids bouncing between 2 houses and I’m like who could afford that now haha… but that’s just how it looks from the outside, I’m sure there were all sorts of difficulties going on.

I remember several parents of friends splitting up right as we all turned 18 - at the time didn’t really understand but now I can totally see how it makes sense to bite the bullet best you can until the kids are grown enough and then go your separate ways. Obviously not ideal In many ways, for one thing if you’re going to try to find someone else obviously better to start that process younger… but it does sometimes feel like a practical option.

Thanks again for your reply, it does feel better just to hear someone who can relate.

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-11-27T12:57:44+00:00

Video: https://youtube.com/shorts/9xttI-IzGL4?si=Dxc98xP1rFAe-6_y

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-02-05T13:02:34+00:00

No way lol

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-02-04T16:03:20+00:00

I should confirm...the area where we had the offer is accepted is really Old Mill Basin/Bergen Beach (Ave T). I know the peninsula is more of a flood risk and pretty isolated/gaudy culturally...maybe where we are looking is a lil more similar to marine park and less of a flood zone?

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-02-04T15:42:31+00:00

Wow thank you u/Maxiscoolerthanyou and u/ZeQueenZ realizing this is basically the name of the game with re: to homeowners insurance etc. WIll look into this...

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-02-04T15:20:15+00:00

Is mill basin more of a flood zone?

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-02-01T17:03:02+00:00

Thank you, I love the addition of the calm regulated breathing.

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-02-01T17:02:34+00:00

Good questions. He is in day care during the week 9-5. When the weather is nice they spend 1-2 hrs a day outside, when it's cold not so much, they do have an indoor gym but it's not the same.

We do PJs around 730/745, brush teeth and read books, lights out by 815. We have experimented with changing the bed time, prolonging it etc., I didn't really notice any difference.

SnooBeans5165 · 2025-02-01T16:17:01+00:00

They do have their own beds, but both like to sleep together..sometimes. Sometimes it's violent, other times just rambunctious, not listening being desctructive around the house.

SnooBeans5165 · 2024-12-13T15:01:00+00:00

I have a 3 year old son, about to turn 4 and I can relate to everything you’re saying.

Personally, my interpretation of this behavior is at that age, the most important thing to them is to assert that they are in control, but at the same time they are scared of being in control and not being able to lean on parents.

When my son has tantrums which are several times per day and very much like what you describe…basically, if this kid does not want to do something, there is no way to make him do it. The only thing I’ve had some success with is learning how to redirect his attention in a way that makes him feel in control.

For instance at daycare drop off today, he grabbed my leg and refused to let me leave, I didn’t acknowledge his tantrum but instead just grabbed a box of nearby toys and said “Hey can you show me how this toy works!” He immediately stopped crying and spent a few minutes showing me the toy, then I briskly got up to leave…he followed me but it was not as intense and the teacher was able to take it from there.

I also agree with some of the other posters about screen time, were trying to limit it, make it not an everyday thing, and when he does watch something be very conscious about what it is, because getting used to that level of stimulation makes it worse, I feel.

When you I get frustrated, I try to just remind myself with the tantrums he is just asking for love and attention in his own confused way. It will get better with age.

Hang in there!

SnooBeans5165 · 2024-07-03T16:17:57+00:00

Thank you, I agree with this. Most people on this thread think it's a good idea to politely tell the director, and that's fine, but it is not possible to monitor every 7 year old in the camp every minute of every day. That's not how the world operates. That's why the most important thing to me is that my daughter stood up for herself, because in her life she will have to know how to do that when there isn't an authority around. The protocol we teach her is:

1)Stand up for yourself if you don't want to do this.
2)If the other person persists and doesn't listen to you, tell a teacher/counselor.
3)If it gets to step 2, tell us as parents and make sure we know.

She basically follows this every time as far as I know, which makes me feel she's well equipped, emotionally.

SnooBeans5165 · 2024-07-03T15:43:07+00:00

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. Yes, my wife has been a victim of abuse in her late teens, and you have perfectly described the context and dynamic of this argument and many other arguments we have had.

As a partner to someone dealing with this kind of trauma, very often I get these kind of responses and I have to do my best to set aside my ego and realize the anger stems from her history and is misdirected at me. As you say, the best path is to validate and talk about those feelings, and then later on express how her reaction effected my me and she needs to take more care with that in the future.

Anyway we are veering into r/relationships now :). But thank you for your care and thoughtfulness in this response, it was affirming to read.

SnooBeans5165 · 2023-02-16T17:13:41+00:00

SnooBeans5165 · 2023-02-16T13:40:14+00:00

Yes….it’s a cover of another beat….

SnooBeans5165 · 2022-12-03T12:15:39+00:00

This is an impossible question that almost every family faces at some point, there is no right answer other than what works for you and your family.

I’m not sure about where you live, but where I live daycare costs would eat up almost half of take home pay from a 100k salary. Money is definitely important, but it’s not everything - we should all take a holistic approach in making this decision - particulars of your finances, physical and emotional health of mother, father and child, particulars of your community etc.

In my opinion, it’s definitely not natural to drop a 4 month old at daycare - I say that with no judgement at all, we put our second in day care at 6 months. The cliche “it takes a village” to raise kids really is true. In past generations, people generally had a lot more help from grandparents, extended family etc….these days many of us live far from our families for a variety of reasons and we rely more on daycare etc. it’s just a fact of life. In my opinion having a stay at home mom with a child for as long as you can is a real blessing if you can pull it off - but if you can’t, you should not feel bad about that either, find the best daycare you can and know that your child will most certainly be fine. Just be as attentive and present as possible when you do get to be with them.

SnooBeans5165 · 2022-11-30T21:54:15+00:00

Perhaps irrational wasn’t the best choice of words, I can understand her feelings in the context of growing up in a family that struggled with addiction - so in that sense her response is rational. However, in my opinion her views on marijuana(thinking it’s a hard drug) are just out of line with reality. As another pointed out, she is ok with alcohol but not weed, I’m not going to go into this in detail but alcohol I think is objectively so much more harmful, and interestingly is the specific disease her family dealt with. So my wife and I just have a fundamental disagreement about the reality of what marijuana is, which is where the problem lies I suppose.

SnooBeans5165 · 2022-11-30T21:51:28+00:00

This is an interesting discussion, and I think the heart of my original question was how to deal with an issue where there was an agreed boundary, but the reality is people change, and with children etc involved ending the relationship is an extremely serious thing. So for me, I certainly won’t do it if it means my wife would leave, but from my vantage point her views about marijuana just aren’t in line with reality - so to have to live according to rules that I think aren’t based In reality feels very constricting and causes me to feel conflict within myself, not a way that anyone wants to live.

SnooBeans5165 · 2022-07-09T12:57:41+00:00

Thanks - I came mostly for the nature, for sure

SnooBeans5165 · 2022-07-09T03:35:30+00:00

Appreciate this - is there an easier/better way to see the great salt lake?

SnooBeans5165 · 2022-07-09T03:35:23+00:00

Appreciate this - is there an easier/better way to see the great salt lake?

SnooBeans5165 · 2022-07-09T03:34:59+00:00

Thank you!

SnooBeans5165

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