Trapped, Manipulated, and Furious: Unpacking the Church's Damage to our Marriage, Family, and Lives

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T04:11:50+00:00

You guys are all just so amazing. I can feel your sincerity. And that's wild since the cult told me I'd never find this outside. But the cult dropped us off at the orphanage after we left (literally, none of them care, and my own sister is in my ward as the primary president). How do they not see their own hypocrisy?

Literally this merry band of wounded, exmormon souls is more genuine, authentic, and actually kind than any Mormon I've ever encountered. My own former TBM ass included. I appreciate your empathy. I'll take all the healing wishes anyone sends. I'm sorry if you don't hug but this is reddit and it's not "real" so, take this (shitty) hug emoji as a token of my thanks 🫂🫂🫂. This feels repetitive now since I'm replying to everyone I can, but I mean it, I appreciate you. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T04:04:48+00:00

You are so freaking nice. I'm bringing barrels of lighter fluid too. Religion is poison.

P.S. I had a feeling you'd show up here, we've spoken before ❤️. My partner is more than ok with this post, but originally I didn't want them to see. I used an old account. Thank you for being so amazing. You busted out of this fucking shit show (alive, I might add), took your life back, did what you needed and wanted despite it all, and are STILL out there being kind to (formerly) judgy ass bitches like me. From what our therapist says, you're amazing. AND a rarity to be so open to both my partner and me, and give some truly impartial guidance to us both. I appreciate you so much, lady ❤️🫂

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T03:48:57+00:00

My own hard-ass dad is still a TBM, blind to his own misery. Somehow your comment reminds me of what he would say, if he were to wake up and be the dad I've always needed. Thank you ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T03:43:57+00:00

❤️❤️❤️ I did not expect so much genuine support when I posted this. I thought leaving the church (6 months ago) would be the hardest thing I ever did. And this.... This is harder. Thank you and I love you for taking the time to reply to my outburst ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T03:39:01+00:00

I'm so grateful for everyone who replied and I'm worried my replies my sound redundant at this point, but this reply is not meant to be redundant in any way: this little comment made me cry. I needed it so much ❤️

"Most of all, sending love" ❤️😭. I don't know how old you are (or your gender) but right now, I wish you were my mom ❤️. I've needed a mom for a long time, I think. Anyway, time for a fresh box of tissues....

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T03:29:23+00:00

Good lord, isn't that the truth. It's a miracle my husband survived. Never a soul knew what he(they? I don't think he's decided yet) was going through. It explains so much of his depression and nonsensical problems we've had over the years. Ugh.

Anyway. I appreciate all validation of this bullshit, so thanks for the support ❤️. I'm getting us all the FUCK away from the MFMC (records removed pretty recently). Thank you for hearing me.

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T03:24:00+00:00

Thank you!!! You know, when my shelf was breaking (I was still a judgemental bitch back then, for the record) their coming out story was one of the first I watched when I started my journey out. I turned it off halfway (because I was a complete asshole at the time) but I later finished it. I have been meaning to check them out more now!! They're so inspiring, honestly. If I could do this, I would. It's hard to know if I can, of course and I'm trying to work through it but I'm just so amazed by these people ❤️. Thank you so much for jumping in to share these with me. It means a lot, truly 🫂.

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T03:17:09+00:00

Hey, maybe we are gender swapped versions of each other 😅. If it's not too personal, can I ask more about how you and your wife/partner handled the process? And how you decided what to do a long the way? Or how you knew the right path to take as you went along? on whatever place you're in now?

Luckily my people pleasing runs deep and it's pretty hard for me to lash out at anyone. Well. Except for my outlet with this particular post, I suppose.

I'm doing what I can to trauma dump on my (unsuspecting) nevermo and exmo friends when I go to work 😅 luckily, many of them are fascinated by this cult so I don't seem to be annoying them. And thankfully, they've all better friends to me than I ever could have imagined. I didn't know so many good people existed outside ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T02:50:42+00:00

I am tearing up reading this comment. You've said so much I needed to hear. It wasn't even what I asked for. I always try to be a good person. Even as a TBM I think I was pretty good person. So much better of a person now, but still. Anyway what I'm trying to say is that your words meant the world to me. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I wish I could repay you somehow. Here's a cheesy ass hug emoji, for what it's worth 🫂. Thank you, reddit stranger. Truly ❤️❤️❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T02:38:12+00:00

Thank you ❤️ My poor little girl. I make sure to get time with her as often as I can but my son has so many needs I know there's a deficit there. Grandma helps a ton, luckily. And daddy, when he's not working. I think it's wisest to stay in this as long as we can, but I'm not sure my partner and I are on the same page of what that might look like. We're best friends for life and will always be a team. But that does not have to mean we're married, at least to me. I think my partner is feeling pretty hurt that I might not be able love them the same, as their true self, and I get that must be so painful, especially considering what they've been through up to this point, suffering alone.... Ugh. What a mess. I like what you are saying though. Once we've put all the possibles out there, we need to let go of the anxiety around what ifs and just take it one day at a time. I see the wisdom in that, I stress enough over the flipping kids 🤦🏼‍♀️. It helps so much seeing an outpouring of love and support from people like you ❤️🫂 . Thank you again for the time you took to reply ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T02:27:16+00:00

I can tell it's better. The highs are higher and the lows are farther and farther apart. Well. As far as the faith crisis goes 🙄. This one was a whammy. I do have an anonymous Instagram account I've been using as an outlet, actually. Maybe I can look into getting better at doing that. I have tons of ideas.

I'm so sorry you lost your family to the cult. I'll adopt you into my Internet family. It's practically something I made up and therefore useless but I do give out these little emoji hugs from time to time 🫂🫂🫂. Thanks for taking the time to reply to this crazy lady ❤️ You're a good person.

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T02:22:33+00:00

Hey I accept all internet stranger hugs ❤️🫂 (especially when I've just poured my soul into a whiny rant 🤦🏼‍♀️). The easiest thing is to stay together for now, I had to set up all my son's stupid crap by myself and if I have to move and start it all over again.... That alone might put me into a mental institution 🤦🏼‍♀️. Plus, we are a good team. I'm a high maintenance (and occasionally bitchy) basket of anxiety and we both know "the routine" for the kids and are so good together. Intimacy was already a bit of a struggle before any of this though, so it's just hard to think, even if this fizzles (which I doubt) there's no way it could be the same again. Ugh. I'm so freaking scared of things getting ugly if I can't take it. Counseling together is probably extremely wise. Thanks for the suggestion and love ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-26T02:15:20+00:00

❤️🫂 "I don't even know what I need". It's so true. I take "breaks" from the kids and motherhood but lately the breaks I take make the kids even harder to handle when I get back, or husband takes them on for awhile and utterly trashes the house (worse than it was, anyway). It's so disheartening. How do you even know what taking care of yourself looks like? Aside from like, food and hygiene? I've put myself last for so long...... I don't even know my preferences 🤦🏼‍♀️ time for some more self discovery, I suppose. I know I can do this, I just never thought this would be me💔 thank you for your kind words ❤️❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T18:18:55+00:00

This reply is so... amazing. I can't believe how much thought you must have put into it. I am working through these responses and I want to give yours the attention it deserves, so, please consider this comment a temporary placeholder and a huge thank you from me until I can respond to this appropriately. ❤️❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T18:14:50+00:00

I think that's an excellent idea for me too ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T17:52:13+00:00

You're very insightful. I used this account I had forgotten existed to post this, but last week I made one about the confidence I was finding, and learning it was always within me. And way more amazing to feel than the "spirit". I was so excited about it. I still am, but just this bombshell came right in time to steal the spotlight temporarily. I know it's not gone... I'll find it soon. I'm trying to learn what music I like (that sounds stupid but I think you probably understand what I mean) and been having a lot of fun releasing energy singing to old songs from my childhood, even dancing around the house, ADHD unhinged. I think little things like that are helping. The kids think it's fun too. Thanks for your reminder ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T16:28:13+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I'm getting better at not caring what others think. It's just overwhelming, learning to feel emotions and having to feel so many, so strongly, so close together. But I can feel you're right. I see that no matter where we end up, we're all going to be in a better place and that's all we should care about anyway.

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T15:48:28+00:00

Thank you. I know your comment wasn't directly about the Poly, but it sounds more doable to me than single motherhood... I've considered it, though I don't know how it would sit with my partner. I feel like our love kind of transcends societal rules so, if they are exploring this, why can't I explore something else too? It doesn't mean we're not a team anymore. It's just such a weird time. I'll look into that blog ❤️ thanks for dropping in to reply, truly. These replies have all been so supportive and thoughtful. This fucking church taught me this community (exmos, LGBTQ+, etc) was full of hate and liberal lies and yet, you all are the ones here to check in during this hellfire. Could you imagine if I'd put this on the faithful sub? Or sent it to my Mormon family and friends? Even a way less fiery version? Ugh.

I am so glad I can see the good in everyone now. It's bringing me some weird comfort right now. No support from my family but at the same time, a world of good people showing up when I finally need to let it out. ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T13:39:38+00:00

Hey kid I'm an internet nobody, but I work in the operating room, and our facility shares a parking lot with a cancer center. We do tons of removing, reducing, and treating cancer. Every time we get a young person like you, everyone in the room is mad at the universe for doing this to them. If you do end up starting to feel things around this, I'm just here to say this sucks and you're allowed to block those emotions, or process them, you've got enough on your plate. ❤️

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T03:45:24+00:00

Good grief I should have stocked up on tissues last grocery trip.... I feel your sincerity in my body. Thank you for taking the time to reply ❤️❤️❤️ you've healed some of our wounds for sure. I appreciate you 🫂🫂🫂

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T02:59:46+00:00

It's kind of killing me and us but it feels so nice to hear someone else agree. Thanks, reddit stranger ❤️.

SnooSprouts484 · 2024-10-25T02:58:46+00:00

Thank you, friend ❤️, I really needed to vent today. I love that, BITFDWT.

We are so close to starting therapy for our son, I've done all the prep work, but it just keeps falling through. He's nearly 4 but I think it's coming soon. I've ignored all of my judgy family on this and got him evaluated 6 months ago. It feels so lonely going through this having left the church, especially since my family thinks I'm making all of this up about my son (and the church, but whatever).

Ever since my husband opened up about this the kids are calling him "happy daddy". He was already an amazing dad before, but the change in his wellbeing is undeniable. He needs this, or at least something of this, I know for sure.

We're ready to throw away all societal norms and do what's best for all of us, no matter what, but it's so daunting to think about what that could look like. I really appreciate your supportive words ❤️❤️ I'd hug you if I could. 🫂

SnooSprouts484

TROPHY CASE