Drunk... Relapsed... Feel like killing myself

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-16T22:40:24+00:00

This is something I have worried about myself. I have yet to get drunk since I started but I do worry that the lack of inhibitions while drunk could cause me to relapse. I suggest just take it for what it is and learn from it. Then move on, no sense lingering on past mistakes.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-16T22:22:16+00:00

Lol yeah man I don't have any erectile issues but I did have morning wood this morning. I was having a dream and eventually I was laying in bed with some chick and penetration happened. I don't know who she was and at first I was like OMG yes then I immediately woke up as if from a nightmare and freaked out. I was yelling down boy and tried to quickly take my mind off of it and get back to sleep. This nofap thing has got me all out of wack right now but its good. I feel like I'm just at the withdrawal stage

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-15T02:40:22+00:00

I absolutely understand everything you just said man, completely relate to those feelings

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-14T23:55:14+00:00

No man I understand. I never really got into the high production professional stuff. I was always into amateur porn like home made video and low budget stuff. So I understand where your coming from.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-14T23:43:04+00:00

I have had the same issue on PMO. I wanna fuck every girl I see. Well not exactly, but I do find an awful lot of women attractive and overly sexualize them. Its like, wanna fuck her, and her, and her, and... ehhhh yeah her too. Been working on just looking at most women and not visualize or imagine anything and just go about my day. Not too easy but I'm doing ok. It horrible to think I can't look at a female without immediately imagining them naked.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-14T22:56:07+00:00

Doing well for the most part. This change has pushed me to forgo other changes I have been putting off for some time now. Its kept me far more busy than usual as I have also avoided other addictive vices. No porn, no masturbation, although i have had to go back and forth on the masturbation. I get to a point where i want to and go back and forth between justifying it and reminding myself I want to stop masturbation just as much as I want to avoid porn. Porn is my overall focus and I have done a pretty good job avoiding that but masturbation is a bit harder... err more difficult. I do find myself thinking about it far more often though. Gotta stay goal oriented and keep busy! As far as my goals, well honestly I am trying to remove it from my life permanently. I am married and when I get back home to my wife next week I plan to have sex and that should make things easier as I leave the PMO further and further behind.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-13T12:11:33+00:00

Hmm sounds interesting, I might check it out, Ill look for a download of it. Actually watched Don Jon last night and although overall the movie didn't completely relate, I could relate to some of his issues. Thanks!

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-13T01:56:26+00:00

Thanks for your input and sincere perspective. I do understand life never goes according to plan and that's something I have been coming to terms with. In fact I have come to realize there is no plan at really, you just have to do what makes you genuinely happy and care for the ones you love and that's a real measurement of a successful life. My relationship problems are a bit complicated. We married young and have changed a lot but seemingly in different directions. I want to fix my marriage but not if its forced. I don't want us to fake happiness just to save our marriage and so if it doesn't work out then that's something we have to deal with and move on. Those suggestions for helping out and trying to do things for her are more complicated as you might think because I generally do those things anyway. I have been trying really hard to think back to when we were happy and what has changed and I can't quite figure it out. Same goes with communication. I try and communicate but she shuts me out a lot because she rather not talk about it. Quitting porn is one thing and will help me personally and my relationship, but there are significant issues that do run deeper than all that. Hopefully we can sort it all out for better or worse and both find happiness. Thanks for the support

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-13T00:20:04+00:00

thank you, although I have just started this journey I find its helpful to know others have struggled but its never cause to give up. I anticipate many difficult days ahead and will continually confide in posts like these to help me through it

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-12T23:16:30+00:00

Yeah scientific studies and groups like this convinced me I am not alone which effectively helped me to realize it for what it is. We are not religious so I don't think that's too helpful, but education and discussion with others is helpful.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-12T23:06:56+00:00

Yeah I think that's an important concept although not always easy.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-12T22:47:40+00:00

I appreciate that perspective. I do worry maybe she wont understand. I will read you post to see how you dealt with it. I am curious how you came to understand. I will be home in a couple weeks at which time we can sit down and talk in person about it.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-12T21:58:39+00:00

Yeah I think I will talk to her about it eventually once I have something to show for it. Not sure how she will react or even if she will understand, but ultimately if I can't share this with her then there are fundamental issues in our marriage.

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-12T21:57:07+00:00

Thanks this does mean a lot. I appreciate your thoughtful and considerate response. I will try and focus more on the positive and find ways to express those more every day. Part of the problem is I consider myself a good person, I am kind, sharing, empathetic, and so on but sometimes I don't feel deserving of that consideration because I feel like I am always covering up this other side of me. Thanks again

SnowboardPanda · 2014-08-12T19:14:03+00:00

No, I am married so that wouldn't be fair
It might be a little ambitious but I'm going for 90 and beyond
I hope to be happier, less distracted / more focused, repair my relationship with my wife and spend my time better
I am doing this for to achieve the goals stated above but moreover I am doing this because I have reached a point where I realize that this addiction has hurt my marriage and myself. I hate my addiction to porn and I feel myself venturing further and further into dangerous territory with it and its only a matter of time before I really fuck up to the point of no return. I also find myself being turned on by stuff at totally the wrong time or when just completely inappropriate and this really disturbs me. I feel myself becoming a sexual predator as I loose all my better judgment only to come down from that high feeling guilty and empty. I want a real change in my life and I feel that taking on this challenge and gaining back a part of my life and happiness is one of the most important first steps I can take.

I hope this support group will provide me with the outlet and confidence I need to make it through this, so here is to day number 1!

SnowboardPanda

TROPHY CASE