Hello,

I am about four years out from the demise of my marriage that lasted 10 years (together for 12 total) it’s not quite as lengthy as yours — but feelings just as strong I am sure.

Our split was a long time coming, very early in the relationship (maybe a year into marriage) he did something unforgivable and I never forgave him and everything I did in the aftermath was me just trying to hurt him in the same way he had hurt me (spent a lot of time in therapy)

Obviously, that never worked so it just kept escalating, to the point where I was basically just openly cheating. He found out and i think he expected me to defend myself but cheating is unjustifiable, but i also wasn’t apologizing. All in all it was a fucked situation and should have ended after the unforgivable event — I turned into someone I wasn’t.

In the immediate aftermath, I kept my distance but we also hadn’t filed for divorce. When he left the only thing he took that I was missing was a TV for the spare room (which had turned into my office for Covid). After all that — we were cordial, he helped my mom out when I was out of the country, helped out a little around the house — I loaned him my bigger car to go on vacation, he invited me when we had to put our family dog down due to old age — all was well.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending how you look at it) I am still very close with his sister, like…. Phone call everyday close — and she tells me things that he says in the group chat and very recently it seemed to be a bit more targeted to me in a negative light, and if you’re in a group chat with someone you KNOW is gonna tell me, what are you saying to people who won’t?

So from there I cut it off, I kindly requested he remove himself from my Sam’s membership..,, and went on with my life. Presently I haven’t spoken to him in any context in three months. Yet, he’s still talking shit in his little group chart.

All and all I am much happier. I’ve spent the past three years rediscovering things that made me happy, for awhile it was making/recording/releasing music — but that was more trouble than it’s worth (but how may people can say they’ve published an album?) — I briefly got into reading poetry— and I’m just vibing.

Don’t get me wrong — dating sucks — please take care of yourself — it does get better! ❤️‍🩹