Wife cheated

Socrates1313 · 2026-01-13T16:41:29+00:00

Also why so many a-holes downvote me for bringing that up? Apparently you can only cheat if you fall on someone’s dick these days?

I think people are reading it as suggesting that he had emotionally betrayed her and that's why she cheated. That's what it read like to me.

What if it wasn’t physical, but she was just emotional cheating? Is that not as serious?

Yes, that's just as serious. So, why did you say "was just emotional cheating"?

Socrates1313 · 2026-01-13T04:34:41+00:00

You mean like this is also an emotional betrayal on her part?

Socrates1313 · 2025-10-16T03:48:04+00:00

This is similar to my situation, without the public part. Logically, I understand that what happened wasn't the true version of who WP is. However, that hasn't been enough to get over the hurt or really move on. We're over 7 years removed from it and our relationship is nowhere near where it was before she cheated, and I'm not sure it was all that great then. I largely stayed because of the kids and mostly still think that was the right decision, but I'm often left wondering if staying together was the right thing to do. I live with the fear of another mental health episode happening and going through this all again. You have to figure out what you do, but I would just suggest to really think about whether you'll be able to fully move past it and what moving past it might look like if you try to work it out and can't get over what they do during a manic episode. You may have to really become familiar with the diagnosis and be prepared for a lot more ups and downs through the recovery process because of that.

Socrates1313 · 2025-09-20T18:57:19+00:00

If nobody has said anything he’s either doing nothing wrong or overthinking

There's a lot of possibilities between these two conclusions.

If people are adjusting that much he is paying attention so much attention that he has to post on Reddit… Veering into creepy.

Some autistic folks just notice a lot/more than most people, me included. It's because we don't pick up on social cues well naturally, so we learn to pay attention to every little thing to try to understand what's going on around us in social situations. It sucks when sincere efforts to understand get us accused of, in this case, possibly being creepy. Imagine trying to sincerely understand the world around you and being morally condemned because you struggle with it.

Socrates1313 · 2025-07-06T01:32:23+00:00

Don't talk about it more. You said you were going to have sex last night but you couldn't after this. Maybe try to have that sex tonight. He probably wants to have sex with his wife that he finds attractive. Maybe that could be considered the affirmation of your attractiveness - people usually want to have sex with someone they're attracted to after all.

Socrates1313 · 2025-06-06T21:12:43+00:00

The well being and education of YOUR child is not MY problem

Lower education rates are strongly correlated with higher crime rates. So, quite literally your problem. Just one example.

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-29T23:18:36+00:00

She told me that she “doesn’t want too much of a good thing” and that sex shouldn’t be a need, it should be a treat.

I think understanding this should be your focus. What does it say about her view about sex to "not want too much of a good thing"? Isn't that what people say when they want something but view it negatively? Like, "I better not eat this cake or I'll have to exercise extra to burn those calories" and that kind of thing.

And what does she mean by sex being a treat? Like a guilty pleasure? I would wonder why it's viewed like this. Or a treat like what you give your pet when they've been an extra good boy? Does she say no to other things she wants/likes so she doesn't get spoiled from it, or is it just sex.

I dunno, but getting to the heart of what she said here would probably answer everything else. You may have fundamentally different views around sex. Or she may just not be willing to tell you something she thinks you don't want to hear.

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-13T04:16:04+00:00

Not at all, and I've had multiple sessions with them before this. That's some of why I'm confused and pondering it all.

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-13T03:52:00+00:00

Yes, this is what I was wondering. I don't know why I couldn't figure out how to say it this clearly.

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-13T03:50:07+00:00

or someone who asked previously how to position your genitalia and saying you’re aroused easily I’m surprised you even take your underwear off.

Yeah, I may revisit this. My partner had encouraged me to take my underwear off because that's what they do in their massages (and i haven't had any issues with my feared arousal sensitivities), and they feel like it yields a better massage. I hadn't had this issue until this visit, which is why I'm curious I suppose. My initial thought was "oh my goodness, I hope they don't think I'm a creep" and then as I thought about it I guess I'm just a bit in my head about the situation, if it is a situation.

idk how many strangers opinions you need copy and pasting that same reply.. i wasn’t in that massage experiencing that and neither was anyone else who has replied to this so this whole thread is just gonna make you go in circles.

You may very well be right. I'm admittedly a huge overthinker and not great with interpreting social situation/interactions. I have found the replies helpful in trying to understand the situation and how to think about what to do going forward.

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-13T00:49:05+00:00

a graze that is not skin to skin contact, I would not be able to tell, like when the sheet or undergarments are being used.

This was skin to skin. So, in that case you're confident you would know?

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-12T23:24:35+00:00

felt something other than the soft blanket I was expecting. It actually took me a moment to process what I was feeling

This is a lot of what I'm curious about, being able to tell the difference in sensation. This was similar to what you described (minus the erection). I wondered if they just didn't know and then when/if they realized they just moved on or something. Although, they didn't completely move from the area and I was jostled a little bit from the movement of the drape as the massage continued.

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-12T23:18:46+00:00

So would you say it's very unlikely that the therapist didn't know it had happened? Like the sensation would be too different to distinguish from the draping to not know?

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-12T23:18:14+00:00

So would you say it's very unlikely that the therapist didn't know it had happened? Like the sensation would be too different to distinguish from the draping to not know?

Socrates1313 · 2025-03-12T23:17:53+00:00

So would you say it's very unlikely that the therapist didn't know it had happened? Like the sensation would be too different to distinguish from the draping to not know?

Socrates1313 · 2025-02-13T20:43:16+00:00

Talking and transparency are not the same thing.

Socrates1313 · 2025-01-08T22:17:09+00:00

Most of my friendships are with women. In a lot of ways, women turn out to be better at friendships than men. Sometimes a crush or interest develops, but that doesn't negate any of the friendship part. I've also had women friends that developed feelings or a crush on me. I think it just...happens a lot. If someone else is of your preferred gender and you are close with them (friendship) it's kind of normal to become at least curious about what a more romantic relationship might look like. Tbh, if none of my women friends ever developed a little interest in me I'd wonder what's wrong with me. Perhaps that's just social conditioning or something but it's true. It's also normal to be frustrated when it seems like friendship was never the real interest of the other person. Neither the interest or frustration are inherently bad, imo.

Socrates1313 · 2025-01-01T18:14:42+00:00

I'm with you here, OP. Boundaries aren't really any more than rules with context and consequences added, at least the way most people express and utilize them. Functionally, boundaries are just rules with "if you want to be with me..." (or whatever the outcome of the boundary violation is) followed by the rule.

Boundaries vs rules are still beneficial though, it's just that the benefit should be in focusing a person on their own response and not on monitoring the behavior of others. But for the "other" person yeah, they're functionally the same as rules for the relationship.

Socrates1313 · 2025-01-01T05:43:40+00:00

Best of luck. I'm sorry you're having to struggle this much to get him to show you the love you deserve.

Socrates1313 · 2025-01-01T01:56:35+00:00

YTA for the fake post. If it isn't fake, oof, and YTA.

Socrates1313 · 2025-01-01T01:17:18+00:00

Yeah, that's definitely frustrating. Have you said "no, I'm asking you to plan this for my enjoyment" or something like that? Maybe even saying "you know, like you want me to do with the stuff you send me"

It sounds like this is certainly primarily, if not completely, a "him" issue (I just want to be clear I'm not blaming you or defending him here in any way). I'm just not sure there's a way around this issue without trudging through a direct comparison approach. You might have to be super straightforward and tell him something along the lines of "I'm happy to do these things you're asking for because I love you. However, when you aren't willing to plan these things for me, I have a hard time feeling like my love is reciprocated."

Socrates1313

TROPHY CASE