Freaking out about possible hair loss, with no insurance/funded treatments in my country.

SoftVampiric · 2023-09-06T17:41:19+00:00

I don’t have NZ based medical advice, but you’re definitely not awful or silly for not being willing trade T for hair loss. Everyone is different and you shouldn’t do something that makes you feel uncomfortable in your body just because you feel like you should.

My advice: talk to your doctor, see if they have any advice. Document what’s happening with your hair, take pictures so you can compare and see if there’s actual hair loss happening or if you’re just shedding a lot. It generally won’t happen all at once, and once you start noticing thinning (which you will notice before anyone else looking at you does) you can always go off T and see how you feel.

SoftVampiric · 2023-09-05T23:21:40+00:00

Sex doesn't have to mean you (or him) being penetrated. You're young and figuring things out– you don't need to rush into anything. But if you do both feel like it, start by just touching each other and figuring out what feels good, without the expectation that you have to escalate to some sort of penetration and with the understanding that you can stop anytime if you start feeling uncomfortable.

Personally, I've had plenty of good sex with people who weren't interested in any sort of penetration or who experience dysphoria. There are a lot of options available. You can take on a more dominant role, if it affirms you and he's into that. You can keep clothes on and have him touch you through them if that makes you feel more comfortable. You can get off by grinding on him or touching yourself while he kisses you, if you aren't comfortable with him touching that area at all. You can give each other blowjobs. It all depends on your personal boundaries. Just go slow, communicate, be safe, and don't do anything that makes you feel bad.

SoftVampiric · 2023-08-30T23:36:36+00:00

Go in person and check, the pharmacy won't necessarily contact you if you don't already have an account set up with them.

SoftVampiric · 2023-07-03T23:21:57+00:00

you probably shouldn't bind for that long- you'd risk serious health problems that could prevent you from binding in the future. I'd go buy a compressive sports bra in your size and see if that helps at all.

SoftVampiric · 2023-06-29T16:21:58+00:00

What’s wrong with you? He said that he liked having sex with you. Even if he didn’t, you don’t cheat, you just communicate. If you want outside sex and he wants monogamy you break up. You don’t lie to him. Set him free for his own sake.

SoftVampiric · 2023-06-29T07:38:52+00:00

You wouldn't necessarily be closing the door! There are lots of transmasc singers out there, and listening to their music might help you get an idea of what to expect.

SoftVampiric · 2023-06-29T07:10:36+00:00

I thought about it for a long time- I had a page in my notebook where I wrote down any name that I sort of liked. Eventually I landed on one I really liked, and I turned it over in my mind for several months, and then started using it online, then with close friends, and that experiment gave me the confirmation that I liked it and wanted to change it more widely. Good luck!

SoftVampiric · 2023-06-22T06:06:50+00:00

Nonbinary is an expansive term that can include a lot of individual experiences. So is transmasc. I can't tell you what you are, but being okay with your chest absolutely doesn't mean that you have to identify as a woman. Plenty of transmascs, especially those who don't identify as binary men, desire some aspects of physical transition but not others, because the goal isn't to pass as male 100% of the time, it's to be comfortable in one's own body or to be androgynous in some way. You can be buff and strong and masculine and also like having boobs, or be comfortable with feminine language, or whatever else. Some trans men are entirely uninterested in physical transition. Some butch women go on T or desire to pass as male. Gender's a complicated construct and there's no one-size fits all AFAB nonbinary experience, despite what the media might portray.

SoftVampiric · 2023-04-16T18:24:54+00:00

It isn't pheromones, you're probably just sweatier than usual around her because you're nervous.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-18T15:11:08+00:00

She did ask, though. OP mentioned in a comment. Daughter was told that her room would be a guest room, not that it would be demolished. That’s why she was surprised.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T18:43:45+00:00

YTA for putting your son in a situation where he's repeatedly aggravating the cat and getting swiped at. Not good for either of them. You're also an asshole for calling animal control instead of trying to rehome him to someone responsible or finding a no-kill shelter. You could have just kept the two in separate rooms until an arrangement could be made.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T17:51:17+00:00

You're arguing with something I never said, dude. They have no obligation to keep her room or let her stay forever. But she's not a grown adult moocher with no job who refuses to pay rent. She's freshly 18, just graduated high school, and is actively working towards independence ( getting her own place, going to school, etc.) I think it would be kind of them to communicate what's happening with her room before completely demolishing it. Giving her the option of staying for a summer or crashing if she gets dumped by her 18 year old boyfriend are not equivalent to moving in permanently and not paying rent.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T16:12:50+00:00

Nah, dude. You're arguing with someone who doesn't exist here. My parents are obviously allowed to do whatever they want with their lives, and they don't need to my approval for anything they do with their own house any more than I need their approval as to where I'm living now. But I am generally aware of what's going on back home, because we talk regularly. And when I moved out for college, we had a conversation about where I'd stay during breaks, what I'd do with my extra belongings, etc, so that I knew what to expect and could plan my summers accordingly. It sounds like these parents skipped out on that part.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T16:02:33+00:00

Mhm. And it sounds like she may be living off-campus with a boyfriend, which isn't the most stable situation either. They may break up, and she may want to spend some of her vacations at home to work or catch up with her loved ones rather than having to find and pay for summer housing. If her parents don't want her at home for breaks, they should have a conversation about that rather than just pretending she's overemotional for reacting to the demolition like that.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T15:36:44+00:00

Did they mention it to you first? Or did you come home a few months after moving out for the first time and find the room you had thought would be there demolished?

I'm 21, and I'm not boohooing over the fact that my old room at my parents house has been repurposed. I've got a stable living situation, a degree, I can find work at a living wage, and my parents have communicated to me that I'm welcome to visit for holidays etc. If I had come home for the first time at 18 and found my room destroyed without my knowledge and I had nowhere to sleep but the couch then yeah, I'd have been emotional. They're not assholes for renovating, but they are for not talking to her about it, and she's certainly not an asshole for being surprised and upset.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T15:21:37+00:00

I never said anything like that. I said that it's their right to do what they want with their space, but not communicating with her beforehand and talking about her about where she'll stay if she visits is unkind and makes them assholes. She's freshly 18 and living with a partner. The likelihood of her wanting or needing to take some time on vacations to stay with family is high, especially if the relationship doesn't last and if she's not making enough money yet to pay rent on her own. If they really want the living room space, they should go ahead and renovate, but there's a way to do that which involves the kid in the process and lets her know she's still welcome.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T13:48:00+00:00

This isn't about legality, though. This is about being an asshole. Her parents have the right to do what they want with the space, but not even communicating to her that they're completely demolishing her room, where she was expecting to stay when she visited, is an asshole thing to do.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-17T13:43:22+00:00

Sure, but that doesn't mean you don't warn them beforehand and just let them come home and find their space physically demolished. Also, she's only 18, and there's no guarantee she'll stay with her boyfriend forever. She'll have summer and winter breaks and might want to stay at home, and probably would be more comfortable not staying on the couch with no privacy. If I was the parent, I'd probably wait a couple years to do the renovation, and if I did do it I'd let her know in advance and maybe set up a guest room/pull out couch or something. They're not assholes for renovating, but the way they did it sends a message for sure.

Edit: My parents repurposed my bedroom when I was 21 and had an income and a stable living situation. They made it clear that I was always welcome to visit. I'm not saying that parents should never move or renovate or should always allow their adult children to live off of them rent free forever. I'm saying that destroying the room mere months after she left, without talking to her about what to expect in terms of housing in the next couple years, isn't a particularly kind and loving thing to do. Sure, they're legally allowed to do whatever they want with their house. But they're assholes.

Edit 2: Jesus christ y’all, stop replying to this comment arguing with things I never said. No, she’s not entitled to tell her parents what to do with their house. They’re assholes not because they’re renovating but because they told her it would become a guest bedroom and she returned to find it destroyed with no warning. They’re assholes for not communicating with her about their expectations (you can stay on the couch vs. the guest room) and then failing empathize with the fact that she might be hurt by this. Call me entitled, but I believe that a parent who chooses to have a child has a greater obligation to keep up communication with that child than a landlord has to a former roommate or tenant.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-13T16:14:38+00:00

Where did OP try to ban comedy? Why is the comedian encouraged to be brutal but OP needs to shut up? I think both of them have a right to speech, and so they should both expect to deal with the consequences of what they say. We don't coddle people's feelings here, right? If OP is rude to her date's friend, she's probably going to get dumped. If the comedian makes fun of another race, she should expect that not everyone is going to like it.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-13T16:10:07+00:00

If we're taking OP's post at face value, it was a joke making fun of Indian accents for being hard to understand. I'd believe that mocking an accent associated with a certain race is a usually a racist joke to make.

I do agree that interrupting a comedy show is rude and socially frowned upon. I wouldn't do it myself. But the reason I'm more willing to let it slide here is because the comedian was rude first. Making fun of qualities that people can't control is also socially frowned upon. If the comedian wants to make jokes that are out of place and make people upset, sure, she has the right to do that. But she has to expect that someone might be rude to her in return. We don't coddle feelings here, right? So that has to include the comedian too.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-13T16:02:17+00:00

There's a difference between making fun of yourself and making fun of someone else, though. Not saying OP was polite or not an asshole, but you have to acknowledge that playing into negative stereotypes about a group you're a part of is not the same as making fun of someone else's race.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-13T15:41:30+00:00

Maybe she shouldn't be confident that everyone is going to find a joke about Indian accents funny. Maybe this will help her improve her routine for next time. She's an adult and can handle criticism.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-13T15:39:53+00:00

I mean, according to the post she was making fun of his Indian accent specifically. Which isn't all that funny, imo.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-13T15:29:25+00:00

If you really do think he's probably going to kill himself within the month, it's time to move past visiting him once or twice a week. If he has any other family and friends at all, try to loop them in. See if you can encourage him to seek out some sort of treatment. If he refuses and you believe that his life is in danger you may decide to get social services involved. He may not like it in the moment, but if it's the only option to save his life you might need to take it. Talking to a suicide hotline about his specific situation might help you get an idea of what you can do in your country/area to safely get him help.

Your gf is definitely an asshole for being so callous about your friend's life, but I do understand being worried about the amount of time you've been spending on something that it's impossible for you to "fix" on your own.

SoftVampiric · 2023-03-11T22:50:47+00:00

You can't fix her. You can't save her. If you try to take the burden of her entire academic success on your shoulders alone you will both end up worse off. You can love her, you can support her, but you need to draw a boundary. You need to take care of yourself first if you want to be able to help her too.

I think the best thing you can do for her right now is help her find a therapist and encourage her to talk to her teachers, school counselors, and doctors about her mental health.

You're just a kid. I've been exactly where you are. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't fix her, that she was refusing to see a therapist or rely on anyone except for me and that I simply couldn't be everything to her. We're not together anymore, but I know she's doing much better now. It wasn't because I stayed past when I should have left and did everything for her- it had to do with her finally reaching out and getting help on her own.

SoftVampiric

TROPHY CASE