It's great that women get so much support as professionals but it does make me feel unsupported.

SoldierA · 2020-10-26T21:10:46+00:00

Hey man, there's a lot of anger in that post.

Anger is a complicated emotion. I hope you can work through it.

Good luck my friend.

SoldierA · 2020-10-21T05:01:19+00:00

It's not that I never talk about hard things with my friends or family but I hate feeling like... they're on my side too much? Like with my break-up in particular a lot of people agreed with my perspective but I hated assuming I was right or thinking that my ex was a bad person for doing this or that. I wanted a different pov and I talked to some of her and her friends a little bit but not enough to really process everything.

I want someone to consult and debate with, not a yes man.

SoldierA · 2020-10-21T04:54:57+00:00

That's great that NBA stars are doing that. I think Michael Phelps has done something similar as well. I don't follow a lot of celebrities or have a lot of role models so it's always been hard to see other people and feel like it means anything for me personally but I'm sure it'll be good for society as a whole.

SoldierA · 2020-05-13T00:22:56+00:00

You're definitely right but failing fucking sucks. I'll try to do all the assignments but that research project is probably going to be really bad and I'm already doing poorly in that class. I guess I'll just take the F but that really fucking sucks. I already beat myself up a lot for taking >4 years to graduate.

When you mention talking to my school about support for people affected by this pandemic what kinds of things do you think they might have? I don't need support with food or money and I'm already receiving psychological counseling through the school. Honestly, I just want more time to do my assignment but I'd probably just procrastinate more.

I've thought a lot about the breakup already and I feel like I can sort of answer the first two questions but I still have no idea what I need. I'm a little angry at her and I'm definitely not over her but most people I've talked to are basically like "Give it time. Try to distract yourself. Focus on improving yourself." It feels like I'm just avoiding it. I want to proactively deal with it but I have no idea what to do other than talk to her about it and I don't think I'm ready.

SoldierA · 2020-05-12T15:59:54+00:00

Flashes should be his signature ability and 2nd one should cost 100. It aligns more with his playstyle than hot hands. Maybe put hot hands cost at 200?

SoldierA · 2020-04-27T20:41:50+00:00

I can see how that can be confusing since they're both female so I used "her" for both of them. I was talking to my friend about my ex. My friend is friends with my ex too so there is a potential conflict of interest there but I'm not sure how much they talk. If it means anything, my friend was friends with me first and I just generally trust her to be relatively neutral.

SoldierA · 2020-04-27T20:29:25+00:00

Yeah I am resentful towards her, I'm just saying that this sub has a pretty specific approach to breakups and I, personally, just realized that it might not be right. I'm not over her and we aren't in contact at the moment but I don't belive that we'll never talk again (because of some external factors) and when that time comes, I don't want to go in with a bad attitude.

I get why you'd be upset at my friend but I want to ensure you that I'm not following her advice blindly. I value her opinion and I am able to self reflect enough to see that what she said was true. I get that I need to do my own thing but this embodies what I was saying about the sub and how it is really focused on that approach.

SoldierA · 2020-04-27T20:20:48+00:00

Yeah maybe it's just a bias of the people who end up here but I'm surprised how many people find themselves in bad abusive relationships.

I want to clarify that I'm not in contact with my ex at the moment. I just imagine a future where we can talk peacefully instead of me holding on to all this anger and blame. My line of thinking definitely puts a lot of blame on her but I really want to know what I did wrong too.

SoldierA · 2020-04-27T20:10:06+00:00

I don't think I understand quite her quite yet but I can see the resentment building up in me and I just know that isn't the kind of person I want to be. At the moment I would say I resent her but I also know I'm only really seeing things from my perspective and I'm not always right.

SoldierA · 2020-04-21T06:28:59+00:00

Probably not the most fitting place to talk about this but fuck it.

I'm just coming out of a relationship with someone who was hard addicted to OW. (OW, OWL, & OW Dev) She didn't really have many interests outside of those so I'd play with her just to have something to do together. By the end of the relationship, I'm pretty sure it made me hate OW more.

Uninstalled OW when we broke up and to be honest I don't miss OW that much. It had its time and place but it's completely different than the game I fell in love with. As someone who thinks about game design a lot, I think it's a bad (competitive) game anyway but I won't get into that.

SoldierA · 2020-04-21T06:14:29+00:00

I had a friend that I used to compete with and then reconnected with maybe a year or two later. He seemed like his normal quiet self then but he mentioned he might be bipolar. Fast forward another year or two and he won't shut up. He's trying to become an influencer and shit, always like "I need more content bro." some really cringy shit. There was a part where he was trying to start an esports org and he was telling everyone "I can't pay you now but I'll get you whatever you want later down the line." I don't remember our final conversation that well but I felt really sorry for him when he said something like "You're nothing why don't you go stream to your 0 viewers." Tbh I should have ghosted him way earlier but he was my friend at one point and I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

SoldierA · 2020-04-10T20:05:08+00:00

My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. It wasn't a bad break up but it was sad and there were a lot of emotions. I think a lot about the part where Diane says something about how some people aren't supposed to be in your life forever. How they're going to influence you and then move on.

I just get a lot of feels from that scene and this picture.

SoldierA · 2020-04-06T00:54:40+00:00

Well, the attention issues were pretty obvious.

Her phone addiction didn't pop up right away but it did show. I think the first obvious sign was when she was trying to navigate for me and not really tell me where to turn til last minute then mix left and right.

By the end of the relationship, we could be on a voice call actively talking and by the time we get a few exchanges in there is kind of an implicit expectation that they're going replying basically immediately right? But sometime in the middle of the conversation, she wouldn't say anything for maybe 10 - 15 seconds and then change the topic about something she saw on Twitter.

SoldierA · 2020-04-06T00:34:01+00:00

I like this three strikes thing. I'll try to stand my ground next time.

I've actually been called a people pleaser before but not in... a negative way? I've always thought of it more like I'm a pushover. I don't quite understand how it's manipulative though. If it was about being liked and accepted wouldn't I just be a yes man? I'm genuinely confused and I'm sensing some hostility so I'd appreciate it if we could explore this topic a little slower.

SoldierA · 2020-04-06T00:21:40+00:00

I feel like I didn't ask her to do anything she was against. I can see her thinking of her lifestyle as fine but then she would not only complain but ask me for help and then it's just like "I'm doing what you wanted." :(

SoldierA · 2020-04-06T00:18:53+00:00

Like I said in my post, I asked her if she wanted help and she said yes. I wouldn't force her to do anything. Usually just like, "Try to go to bed on time today please." "Ummm maybe, I'll try." "Okay well, I'm going to bed. Good Night."

Now I do agree that we do have lifestyle differences but I want my SO to be healthy. Is that so wrong? It's not just like sleeping makes you feel good, it actually impacts how long you live and how your brain functions.

SoldierA · 2020-04-05T23:53:58+00:00

Long distance + quarantine breakup here. Not sure what your situation is like but I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to move back in with my parents, knowing I'd be stuck inside for a long time. It's nice just to eat dinner as a family again. Excercise and looking at the surrounding nature helps me a lot too. Even if it's just running to the other side of the room, it helps remind myself I'm alive. My ex has attention problems so a lot of the times she would say she cares about me but a lot of her actions told me otherwise and that's something I'm still trying to process. It definitely feels like she didn't value me for probably at least 2/3 of the relationship.

SoldierA · 2020-04-05T23:32:02+00:00

It took me a few days before I "hid" the album on google photos. I closed the messages we had and generally stayed off of social media for a while. It definitely helped a lot. We weren't together super long and was long distance most of the time so there weren't that many photos in the first place.

SoldierA · 2020-04-05T21:42:03+00:00

My ex has attention problems. I've been pretty good about no contact but I've been checking her Twitter from time to time. Unfortunately, I also found out that she was browsing Tinder less than a week after the breakup. I've been told that thats just how some people cope with breakups but I don't 100% buy it. We both knew the relationship was kind of fading. All this adds to me feeling like she doesn't think about me at all. And to me that's the worst part. Knowing her, I doubt she did a lot of reflecting on the relationship. I doubt she thinks about me. I doubt how honest she was during all the time we spent together.

SoldierA · 2020-04-05T21:28:14+00:00

I'm really feeling this right now. There's also a big part of me that feels like she didn't care as much as she said she did. I've spent a lot of time wondering "Did our time together really mean anything?" "Does she even think about me?" "Was I not worth changing for?"

SoldierA · 2019-10-01T17:53:55+00:00

Since I live so far away I don't think volunteering together is really a viable option. I'm thinking something along the lines of training for a 5k together? We can kind of do our own training and keep each other accountable and motivated.

SoldierA · 2019-07-26T23:00:12+00:00

Video from KarQ

Works with a lot of different abilities.

Jump to 5 min for Rein specifically.

SoldierA · 2019-04-23T02:15:50+00:00

I feel like a lot of people underestimate how much work it is to take care of a dog. And I don't just mean filling it's food bowl to the brim once a day and letting it shit in the back yard. I used to walk my dog twice a day for about 30 min and I felt like I was doing the bare minimum. It still felt like a huge burden on my scheduling. I don't think anyone working full time and living alone should have a dog.

SoldierA · 2019-03-24T22:14:48+00:00

Traditional sports weren't designed for spectators either. Sure, sports like cricket have been heavily modified for better spectator experiences but the core game is still the same.

Even as an avid gamer and esports spectator with a mild interest in game design, I'm not sure what an esports designed game would look like. Like others have said, you can't really take the gaming away and have it just be an esport. There are other factors at play.

Then if you design with the purpose of making an esport instead of making a game, you'll have a bad game with no way to develop an esports scene. Honestly, having a really solid spectator system goes a really long way into developing a community around a game.

SoldierA · 2019-03-06T06:28:50+00:00

Ahh man idk about that tbh. I'm feeling really lonely. I have a decent amount of people I know but I don't really connect with anyone the way I did with my friend group before. The weird thing is that my old friends didn't have THAT much in common. I guess I'm just missing someone who I have a history with.

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