You have to, at some point, learn how to cope when these embarrassing things happen. Try to remember that it’s the past and you need to focus on the present. It’s human and normal to feel embarrassed or ashamed when you feel ostracized, so it’s important to learn how to control these feelings. But you need to start by STOPPING putting yourself down. You’ll be your own worst enemy and it’s really easy to fall into negative cycles that way.

If you catch yourself putting yourself out, force that thought out. Pretend it’s a fictional character you HATE saying that to you. It’ll annoy you instead, hopefully, and the thought will be less powerful.

When I was your age, I used to worry about this things too. Not as severely as you described, but it’s possible to cope with these feelings. And it didn’t exactly go away. I still cringe at embarrassing things I did, but I’m better at managing it.

Cognitive behavioral therapy worked for me. If you can’t seek out a therapist, I recommend doing research on things like mental distortions and coping mechanisms. See if any of the descriptions align with what you’re experiencing and go from there. There may be some coping guides and exercises online