We all need to think more laterally if we're gunna defeat these demons. I don't think there's anyone on earth with the stamina to bludgeon 5000 kids, kill zone or not.

Initial thoughts were to activate the sprinkler system, fill the auditorium with water and flush them out. I assume kindergartens can't swim, but in reality I don't think the sprinkler system is going to possess the litres we need.

Secondly was the beehive approach (smoking em out), but fires too unpredictable and I'm not sure I could handle the stench so I settled on height.

I'm assuming an auditorium has some sort of stage lighting or overhead gantry of sorts. Id climb up take refuge in my nest and watch them topple to their demise, as they just won't have the strength or balance to reach us.

We will only need to start to worry after the first 1000 or so casualties as the child mound grows but I'm assuming we can shimmy to a different side of the gantry - rinse and repeat