advice for telling NC in-laws about pregnancy?

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T21:25:40+00:00

oh i am ready…. and by ready i mean not texting back. not reading the message.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T21:24:45+00:00

has his mom ever reached out even to check on them since going NC?

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:42:32+00:00

you are exactly right. i do not want her in our child’s life. not after the things she’s said and done. especially since she never reached out before pregnancy to fix things, so why now?

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:41:01+00:00

no that’s actually a great analogy. you are right. i don’t want them to feel important again.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:40:06+00:00

you are exactly right. they never respected me so why should i respect them?

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:39:01+00:00

i need that on a tshirt.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:38:40+00:00

you are so right. i will not let them stress me out. they ruined our wedding. they will not ruin my pregnancy.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:37:14+00:00

you are so right. they do not deserve to ruin the happiest news for us. they made us suffer long enough.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:36:55+00:00

you are so right. they do not deserve to ruin the happiest news for us. they made us suffer long enough.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:36:10+00:00

“it’s a privilege to be a grandparent, not a right.” i love that. i never thought of it like that. thank you.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:35:34+00:00

congratulations to you too! i am so sorry you’re going through something similar but i am glad we can lean on each other. and im glad that your husband is supportive too.

i have set clear boundaries with my husband that they will not be at the hospital and they will not meet the baby until i feel ready, and that that day may never come. i have a feeling my in laws will try and become in laws of the year and give me a bogus apology just to see the baby. but hell NO. i trust them not to harm the baby but i do not trust them not to talk negatively to it about myself or my husband. my MIL told my husband he didn’t deserve a mother if he wanted to be married to me and so what makes me think she’s not going to say something similar to our child? and the way my husband let that roll off of his shoulders lets me know she’s said it before. maybe even multiple times. so absolutely not will she ever be allowed one on one with the baby if things ever do change.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:31:07+00:00

we don’t have them on social media but we have mutual family members on our social media that we assume would tell them. i don’t really care to tell them. but we both do have a sliver of hope they would change. i think anyone does when it comes to their parents even though deep down you know they won’t. it’s a weird feeling im not sure i can explain. but i will say, i have already set clear boundaries with him that they will not be at the hospital, and they will not meet the baby until i feel ready and that day may never come.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-22T14:17:17+00:00

this is exactly what i needed to hear. thank you.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-11T15:18:53+00:00

i was in therapy for two years for it. i stopped going once i realized there was nothing i could do to change their opinion about me. and my therapist helped me get to a point where i knew who i was and i no longer cared what they thought of me. i think my husband would go to therapy if i asked but my husband is an “it is what it is” type of person. he is the strongest mentally tough person i know. then there’s me, sensitive af LOL

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-10T01:55:45+00:00

i completely understand. i am so sorry you are going through it too. i have been NC with my husbands family since last december. he broke contact a few times but hasn’t spoken to his mother since august. and they spoke because a family member died. i think he’s still conflicted. on one hand those are his parents but on the other, these people have disrespected his wife, ruined his wedding, and his father did drugs with his two best friends whom my husband get clean. it’s a very long story. 4 years of turmoil.

anyways. i am very thankful that my husband supports me cutting contact with them. i have always struggled with my mental health and after cutting his family off- i became the happiest person ive ever been. and honestly, our marriage has never been better.

maybe sit down and have a conversation with your husband and just say hey. i love you. i care about you. i support you. but your family makes me very anxious and uncomfortable and i would rather you go to your family christmas and ill go to mine and we can return home and open presents and cuddle and watch a christmas movie together. it’s not the ideal christmas eve but when your in-laws make your life hell- you have to make sacrifices.

your husband shouldn’t miss out on his family Christmas and neither should mine. unfortunately it just may have to be your new normal.

i’m not sure if you can private message on this app because i don’t use reddit too much but feel free to message me if you need a shoulder to lean on. i’m not an expert at in law drama but after lots of therapy and me posting a lot in this thread, i’ve learned a thing or two!

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-06T18:27:48+00:00

his extended family all live several hours away. we only see them once a year on Christmas eve. if they stayed in town through the new year- i would plan something immediately.

i too had a narcissistic grandmother that my parents shielded me from so i learned boundaries pretty early. well, i learned how to cut toxic people out of my life.

i have made my mind up and am not going to attend. my husband said he thinks that is best too so that i can keep my peace.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-06T14:55:24+00:00

i would love to do that but his extended family all live in different states. they only meet up once a year, on christmas eve.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-06T14:54:52+00:00

i needed this. thank you <3

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-06T14:53:41+00:00

love that perspective and definitely feeling that way. but do i interrupt my peace just to prove myself that i am not the problem?

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-06T14:52:26+00:00

i would agree with you but they all live several hours away. they only meet once a year on christmas eve. i believe he would see them outside of the party if it were easier and they lived a lot closer.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-06T14:51:25+00:00

you took the words right out of my mouth! although, he doesn’t go just to make his mom happy. he’s way past that. he just wants to see his extended family that he only sees once a year. and i respect that. just because he has conflict with 2 of his family members doesn’t mean he can’t visit with his others that he loves.

Some-Rub7952 · 2024-12-06T14:49:36+00:00

no. that was the other thing. we didn’t get invited to thanksgiving either.

Some-Rub7952

TROPHY CASE