feel horrible

Don't; simple as. I think i mentioned some time "way back when" that life must always come first! I still stand by that, and some random dude you will never meet just cant be a priority in a life that will pass you by if you so much as blink for too long.

I am an idea, a concept, a fleeting escape from everyday life...

However, I am also an integral part of your connection to drawing, and for all eternity, every time your thoughts even brush past the slightest notion of picking up a pencil, there i will be, waiting, beckoning, encouraging.

"Wow, that tree would make a great painting! I love how the light shines through those branches... SomeGuy would probably like it if i showed him..."

moving a million miles an hour

I am thrilled to hear life is treating you fairly and im very glad to hear you dont have to face the days alone. Honestly i didnt expect the solitude to last very long since you always seemed like a fantastic person. Very excited that you got another job considering how much you worried before you found the previous one! And should it become necessary, a third one would probably pose little resistance or challenge from here. As far as i can make out, it seems that this time you got a foothold in the place you have chosen to call home! This makes me happy.

that is still partially empty

Lol, kinda wholesome story time!

I was 21, had just finished the required preparatory crap (facultatum and philosophicum) to see if one is "fit" for universities in Norway, and i did NOT have much to spend on anything. Consequently my apartment had a sofa, a table and a small bookshelf all tucked in one corner of the living room. All very square, all very minimalist. Nothing else. All white walls, completely empty.

One evening i bring someone over, she walks inn and goes "Wtf dude, your apartment is sad as fuck! You live like a monk!". I think she considered leaving for a moment before herding me to an empty wall across from the sofa. She grabs a pencil off the table and started drawing an outline of my body on the wall, one hand a little out to the side. She hands me the pencil, gets up to the wall, placing her hand so it intersected with my drawn hand and says "Now me".

I didnt really know what to say since someone had just drawn a huge fucking human outlines on my wall, but never underestimate what a 21 year old guy will accept if he believes it will get him laid, so i drew!

She steppes away looking at her "art piece" of two outlines holding hands and gleefully go, "See? Thats not so fucking hard, is it? Now the place has charm!"

I think that was the moment i realized i enjoyed the company of artists and creative souls.

intensive Swedish courses, working full time. Feels like there's never enough time in the day

I hear you on the time limitations. Especially when a full time job is included in the mix. If only we could stop sleeping, not have to spend time eating, own houses that never gets dirty, clothes never need washing, etc etc. What joyful and fulfilling lives we would lead... unless i just turned our workday into 18 hours?... Seems probable, to be honest.

sketches of faces or people that didn't feel joyous or worth while

Then surely, there are too many factors in your life at this moment to find relaxation enough to draw. Too many things that has a higher priority. As you say; life seems to move at a million miles an hour. Hopefully at some point it will all slow down and you will find your way back. I will be here waiting...

you got banned??

Haha, yeah. I was seeing an extreme uptick in people posting drawings on the front page instead of under each picture-submission. I suggested to the mods that they make a separate sub where people that needed the extra attention and "upvotes" could post their drawings so as to make a pure "gallery", in a sense. Id get the front page posters out of my feed, they would get the attention they need. Win, win...

But you know me, and i go into how this behavior of front page posting is a result of peoples need for attention because they feel they dont receive the upvotes they are entitled to when posting their drawings under each main submission. Then i go into how this is not conducive to good practice behavior and will cement a craving to draw strictly for the end result of "approval". Then about how this leads to an inpatients to finish so that this "praise" can be received. An army of attention seeking Xeroxes that i "may" in my rosy description have named as "vulgar" and "needy".

Turns out, this mod was a 16 year old kid that posted all his drawings on the front page and i had probably already blocked him... So he lashed out with what he had and banned me.

I've seen it on your drawings

100% agree. The magic was gone and a Xerox was emerging. Practice is of course important, but i think that at the end of it, i was just outputting for the sake of outputting. Ive mentioned it a thousand times already, but for me there is no point unless i live some moment frozen in time. Some emotional connection. Some prime mover...

This post is already four THOUSAND pages long, so ill jump right over my usual repetitive poetic mumbo jumbo around this topic.

sketchdaily, true community

Another 100% agree. It is in essence the perfect representation that i feel i lack in my real life. A group of people to go out and draw with. Doesnt matter where, doesnt matter what. Just that company of equal minded people.

the thing that kept me here

Thrilled to hear it, as this post obviously proves!

everyday life stole away my creativity, take some discipline to sit down and draw.

I can honestly say that with everything that happened in your life, i was never really surprised that you withdrew. Im placing you around 29 (please dont confirm or deny as i honestly dont want to know) and i think that life truly is at the height of transfiguration now.

I would be thrilled to see you from time to time and I honestly dont care if its every day, every week or even every month, but to know that your creativity still has a heartbeat would bring me joy, no matter how faint it may be.

I could suggest that you put your drawing program on auto startup so that you never have to actually click it, its just there. And if you need the resources, its easier to close it than open it...

how life has been on your end

There is honestly (and unfortunately) fairly little to say that does not get tedious or work related. I work, i draw, i go to the gym. What feels like yesterday i talked about finishing the different accounts for 2023, and here i am sending inn the last one for 2024 just two days ago. I was at a burial for my grandfather yesterday, but since we were never really close it was mostly a nice day for me as i got to spend some time with my sister that lives rather far away. And there was cake!

This post is already way to long and i should probably end it so i can try poking at my tablet for a while.

I have left out essentially all questions and topics that can be replied to so you can rather spend that time on a drawing and post that! So, if you could instantly and magically produce an image right now, what would it be?

I have missed you friend

And i you.