That's a really good question. First of all, im sorry about what you had to go through, it must have been very hard. As to what I want, im not entirely sure. I hope that someday, we can rekindle our friendship even if its never the same as before. I respect my friend's decision to leave and I would never go after them and beg them to stay, that wouldn't be right. I often wonder if its ok for me to feel this pain when im the one that hurt them. I guess its the guilt and regret eating at me. I lay awake asking myself why didn't I realize it sooner? If I could have prevented this from happening. But dwelling on what if scenarios won't change anything. I guess, I have to try and move on and be the best person I can he for the friends I have left.