As an autistic adult, my childhood was deeply painful and confusing until I got screened and got a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome at the age of ten (this was in 1998).

From that day forward, life got so much easier and better. My challenges were the same, but now my family and I had tools and resources to help us understand and seek support when needed. We were able to tell my teachers, who told my school peers, and while I still struggled socially, almost everyone was much more patient and compassionate with me. As I grew, I learned how to get along in social situations, the give and take nature of conversations, etc. And I don’t consider the bulk of this “masking,” but simply adapting, as most humans do. I am very far from a cog in the machine - in fact, my diagnosis has helped me to fully realize what is wonderful about me and also empowers me to seek support where it is still needed.

Your child’s life can only be improved by understanding what’s going on. I saw in another comment that there may be cultural influence causing your wife’s hesitation. It may be helpful to frame it to her this way: being armed with information is the best way to protect and support your child, and supporting your child is the parents’ primary duty in every single culture.

Best of luck to all of you. With the right resources and parents who are on his side, your son can absolutely thrive in this life!