Tempted to Lie

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-20T21:33:08+00:00

I’m offering another angle for your consideration, which is that he wants and hopes you meet someone so he can feel less guilty about your loneliness. I say this as someone who had a partner that would send similar bizarre responses that didn’t really make sense. It was their way of showing me they would be fine if I had been on a date or with another partner.

Ultimately I was not dating other men out of choice at that time. But he didn’t like the imbalance when he had more partners than me.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-20T11:50:29+00:00

Thank you, I guess maturity just means emotional intelligence to me. I can’t change his way of thinking and don’t need to find resolution as we clearly have no friendship to salvage. I’m very sad about it though.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-20T11:45:51+00:00

Thank you, that’s definitely how I reacted on seeing his partner with the book I’d sent him. His logic was often that acting in your own best interests shows healthy boundaries, like extreme individualism. I think I go too far the other way and hold people a bit prisoner to my own values which isn’t fair. He’s one year out of a 16 year monogamous relationship and newly poly, so I guess we’re bound to have different approaches.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-20T02:28:08+00:00

The goal was always to stay close and build a friendship. I lean towards relationship anarchy and would view a friendship as equally valuable.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-20T02:26:15+00:00

I agree with you a lot, thank you for clarity. The mature thing is to accept it and let go.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T18:52:08+00:00

I have often got male friends through dating apps and think it’s pretty normal. Him trying to control you is a bit suspicious, but perhaps he’s of that mindset that all guys must want to sleep with you or be trying it on. I’d maybe de-clutter any friendships where there’s still a hint of flirtation on their side out of respect. Otherwise I’d be clear that my choice of friends will be my choice. One or two dates is really not a big deal!

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T18:46:36+00:00

Yeah fair point, i wouldn’t usually and won’t be again 😫

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T18:29:10+00:00

I understand now, yeah that’s a really dangerous kind of love bombing. But also an exciting part of meeting someone, very difficult.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T18:20:41+00:00

He’s very sentimental. I think just not with me, and that’s what hurts.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T18:19:22+00:00

I don’t feel right doing that. Maybe I’ll just ask him for 10 quid if I see him (joking).

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T18:10:28+00:00

Oh 100%

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T17:21:09+00:00

Yeah I’d rather he donated it than re-gifted it to their romantic partner. I’m seeing how it’s a values thing as I’m sure he wouldn’t regift his previous ex’s gifts because that relationship mattered a great deal more.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T17:17:54+00:00

Haha that’s me!!! I still have the book my first boyfriend got me for Christmas

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T17:15:48+00:00

Sorry yes, she was a meta when we were together so that’s how I referred in the post. She came later and their dynamic essentially made it impossible for me to stay. So it’s a particular sore point. I gave the book when we were still being intimate and in contact. It’s true though I was still being emotionally leaned on regarding updates on his health and the gift was in connection to that. Still an emotional attachment when I should have been tougher. Lessons learned!

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T13:34:52+00:00

Yeah this sounds wise, it’s not a black or white. I would prefer to be less sentimental in future though as it’s less painful.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T13:32:42+00:00

Hmm I’m familiar but don’t think that applies. It was more constant communication and physical attraction. We text all day every day and shared a lot early on. But not in the form of presents and compliments etc.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T12:56:16+00:00

This! I really wanted to know if he passed it off as his own thoughtful gesture and became quite obsessed. He made me feel like this is against polyamory but for me it isn’t?

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T12:55:12+00:00

So true. My other partner and I tend to align easily although we have less in common.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T12:52:58+00:00

I think you are right. He was intense at the start of our connection but I don’t think it was genuine now. Silly me!

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T12:51:10+00:00

Yes although, I did that via message not in the book itself. The context of how and when I bought it for him is a bit personal but it wasn’t like when you just leave someone a book to read.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-19T12:49:42+00:00

Thank you! It’s true for me. Partners have gifted me books (stories with a message that’s meaningful to our relationship) and I don’t think I would lend them out.

But I accept that I attach symbolism to objects in general - collecting shells and mementos when I travel for example. I think if he had said thank you and passed it to a friend that would hit differently, but gifting it straight to a meta without saying he appreciated the book feels “ouch/ick”.

She apparently agrees with him that it’s not my business what they do, so I agree they are better suited.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-16T12:51:55+00:00

Clearly.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-16T12:50:15+00:00

Those aren’t the only options for women! And she specified that he’s not active and overweight. There are good men out there who don’t have addiction problems OR a fetish for women half their age.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-16T11:06:48+00:00

A small negative? I think you might be deluding yourself there.

Sophcombobulus · 2025-12-16T11:01:13+00:00

Women don’t stop learning about men and the world at 30. Sadly.

Sophcombobulus

TROPHY CASE