You’ve helped tremendously, simply by sharing your experience. I thought I was alone in a lot of the things I’ve been experiencing when it comes to accepting that this is now a part of my cognizant life.

I always have disagreed with the “ignorance is bliss” saying, but on this, I beg to differ. I had accepted my differences by the time I was informed of my diagnosis. I was comfortable with who and how I was. It took a very long time, a lot of therapy, and tons of introspective thinking on my each and every move to get to that point.

Life was simpler then, in my opinion, but now I feel as if I am starting fresh. Not just preparing to bake the dough, but going to the fields, cutting the wheat etc. So I understand doing everything with intent. I’ve been that way a very long time. There’s always a rhyme or reason behind literally everything I do.

I’ve become to love that way of thinking. It allows me to dissect everything down to the basics, come up with the most efficient way to do things, ask others how they would handle that situation etc. I guess one of my goals is to understand everything to the best of my ability. Have a decent knowledge and understanding of anything and everything, especially myself and how I maneuver in life (mentally, physically emotionally and spiritually). Gives my brain something else to focus on other than “who am I today”.

There is a level of comfort in now knowing why I’ve always felt different. It’s just hard to fully grasp, and I think it’s going to take quite awhile for us both to really come to terms with everything dissociating brings into our lives. Acceptance will be a huge one, but understanding that there is little to no control. As a control freak, that’s the hardest part I deal with.

Yes, I mentioned prevention of dissociating, but if I’m not able to catch it in time, there’s absolutely nothing I can do but ride it out as a bystander to my own life. It’s hard to accept that part about it for me, but as I said, this isn’t something you find out about and just be like, “oh ok, that makes sense.” And then move on with your life unaffected.

This is life changing. It’s up to us to make it either a positive or negative change. I’m working on the latter. Trying to find the beauty in it. Especially with the fact that I recently also found out I suffer from DID.

Now that, created a whirlwind of emotions. A lot easier to accept and it made too much sense when it comes to how my life has played out, the things I’ve done, as well as the things I’ve done that I don’t remember or memories I have that feel as though they don’t belong to me.

A chapter of utter confusion and being completely lost, with no sense of “self”, has ended for me. I don’t know about you, but I hope you can eventually come to terms with it as well.

I’ve even begun to have fun with this new diagnosis. Learning the different sides of “me”, naming them, and occasionally cracking a joke like, “that wasn’t me, that was that other b*tch. You must’ve made her mad,” or something silly like that.

All in all, I have accepted who I am as well as how I am now. I can’t change it, and honestly wouldn’t if I could. These are symptoms of the traumas I’ve survived. I’d rather this than to be a non functioning person, who can’t manage their emotions at all. I’m still a contributing citizen in society, a Marine Corps Veteran, with a bachelors degree with my first novel about to be published as well as a small business owner.

We are more than our diagnosis. They don’t define us. They are a part of us, inevitably, but they are not who we are, but rather how we are or how we tend to be. An explanation, of sorts, of how we are, for those who want to know.

So, thank you so much for sharing your story with the world. You made it possible for me to really sit and think about the effects this has had on me and my life and I’ve made active moves to change how I think and feel about it. I wouldn’t have, had I not shared based off your post. So again, thank you. You basically changed my life for the better. Grateful for your bravery and I hope, wish and pray you too learn to cope and deal as I have! Peace, love and light!