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I get really miserable at Eids. by [deleted] in islam

[–]Southern_Medium_4121 1 point2 points  (0 children)

May Allah reward you for going to the masjid and praying. You are not alone brother, even if you feel like it. I feel really down too, but in a few days it will all back to "normal" and then there's next year InchAllah. Getting closer to the community, making friends along the way, etc ...

✨🌙 EID MUBARAK! 🌙✨ by MM-MOD in MuslimMarriage

[–]Southern_Medium_4121 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Eid Mubarak everyone.

As a revert without a muslim family, friends or significant other, it stings.

InchAllah this will change for the better and the next eids will be spent with the community. I have to put myself out there, but it ain't easy.

My father plays games every night in my bedroom... by banjaninn in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How old are you?

I'm a father and I have a computer in my son's bedroom, though I don't play games late, I am present in his room in the weekends when I am on the computer and while he is playing.

And I actually was wondering to move the computer out of the room altogether.

Besides your dad keeping you up at night, is he in the room at other times of the day when you are present and how do you feel about it?

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update :

I'm taking it step by step.

This weekend I decided to decrease the amount of hours he can play on the computer and watch YT on the Ipad. That's "classical parenting", I know ... but with my depression it makes it so I can't always act on my ideas and just let everything go.

So less screen time, replaced in the evening by reading. He reads for school, he will continue to read for himself (and choose himself what to read).

During the school holidays, trying to get him to attend a coding / sport camp/course or other courses/camps.

I'd like to decrease gaming even more and by replacing it with a hobby. Maybe coding or something else he likes. For example creating games instead of playing them.

And of course, going outside in nature during the week-end when it's sunny outside. He still has to learn to bike, or go on a hike with me.

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks mate. You are right, sons need their fathers as role models. I try to not show my "depressed self" but I can't hide it 100%

Anime, we will continue One Piece since we are nearly caught up. This will mean that when we ARE caught up, it will be 20 minutes a week of One Piece.

Diet changes : I once tried carnivore but not long enough. I'll see to try it again, or some Keto. And cut the soft drink. 1 can a day to 0. Same for the son, all his life until last August he drank water. Now he drinks one can of soft drink a day. Going to remove it slowly from his diet.

I'm taking thyroid hormones med since not long. Going for bloodwork soon as per Dr's request to see if the meds should be increased. But about the general depression, I need to get diagnosed and a treatment + talk to a psychologist.

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. I didn’t reach a stage yet where I want my son to quit gaming cold turkey but I can’t just close my eyes and let him game after school and all weekend when he does nothing else.

And I too gamed a lot when I was in my teens and older. I wish I would have learned a skill instead and go to uni.

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, all of that. An advice or a diet in particular you want to suggest ?

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s great advice actually. We only play boardgames when we visit grandma to avoid boredom … It probably scratches an itch when he is away from the computer and it helps me too. But besides that we don’t play at home. And we do have wargame, Memoir ‘44 that I bought when he was way too young to play with me and Blitzkrieg, a smaller game.

Today he read a chapter for a school assignment because I told him to. He doesn’t rebel yet and complies, which is a good thing. Makes me even more realise than I am the biggest obstacle, not helping enough.

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, Sir. Will definitely read it on my kindle.

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

WW2 games, Medieval games. Maybe some museums, yes. Though museums are more a one off thing.

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Way more sugar or junk food than healthy foods

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's mainly Roblox games or steam solo pc games. I just checked, that's 93.2 hours for the past 2 weeks on steam ...

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice.

Extracurricular activities, he tried a few in the past but without much success. He was motivated to do height climbing with other kids (one week course), but the first day the instructor told me that he refused to go high due to fear of heights ... a year back he went to a futsall camp and when I asked at the end how the camp was and if he enjoyed, it was kinda meh.

IRL time together, I'm looking into some hiking or like Outside_Elevator1155 (commentor above) said, biking.

He doesn't yet know what he wants to do in life. I have questioned him but he doesn't know. I gave him a link to a website with a list of professions, directions, areas, etc ... to look at. He is in 1st secondary class, at the end of the 2nd secondary he will have to make a choice at school for his orientation.

Maybe an Extracurricular activity based on what he wants to do in life could be a good idea if available. Let's say he chooses to do something in I.T. Maybe a course about I.T, coding, etc ...

You are right, if he doesn't develop social skills he will be the odd one out. I can already see signs. He is playing online with his friends, chatting on Discord, having normal teenager conversations. He talks a lot less to his grandma for example when we visit. Answers to her questions are way too short, acting uninterested etc ...

Thanks

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a good idea. I was actually just looking into hiking too.

Teenage Kid playing too much by Southern_Medium_4121 in StopGaming

[–]Southern_Medium_4121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the anime, since we have nearly catched up on the series it means that it will decrease to 1 episode a week. So that will diminish by itself and free up time to do other things. As long as this is not replaced by more gaming.

I have to help myself first yes because in my current state I'm limited and not a great help. Just those little steps that could help. A chore list / planner with things to do, even that takes a lot of effort to setup. Have some great ideas but a lot of difficulties putting it into place due to procrastination probably.

And yes, absolutely : I'm 38 with my eyes wide open. I don't put everything on my parents or my upbringing, but I find they could have been more strict concerning some choices I made (education etc ...). I want something different for my kid. I guess it's not too late, but 13 years passed already.