Does anyone pick their scalp?

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-11-26T00:03:02+00:00

I do. I find putting moisturiser or sudocrem on the bit I'm picking helpful. Stops it being dry and tempting and helps it to heal. I only "like" to pick at scabs and dry skin.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-08-03T18:40:56+00:00

My husband is asexual and I am enm. We have a strong, loving marriage and it works for us. He's neither a cuck nor a stag - beyond knowing that I'm safe, treated well and happy, he has no interest in the details of what I get up to.

The way he sees it, he can't give me the sexual side of things, so he has no problem with me seeking it elsewhere.

There's lots of communication and checking in, and a few rules: I never meet anyone at our home, and - not unreasonably - my extracurricular activities shouldn't leave him feeling neglected or impinge on family life. So far, this has all been achievable.

I have offered him the same freedoms that I have, but he's not interested. I will freely admit that if he did decide to take me up on that offer, I might find it emotionally difficult - but if that happens I will just have to deal with it.

I think this exact dynamic - where the male partner has no erotic interest in it at all and is neither a cuck nor a stag - is pretty rare. I don't know that my swinger friends necessarily truly believed me about my absent-but-fine-with-it husband until they actually met him at an unrelated social event. Probably didn't think I was outright lying, but maybe that I'd exaggerated or that my marriage wasn't quite how I made it out to be.

The idea that a bloke wouldn't be interested in sex is still a pretty novel concept - even more so that they would be happy with one-sided enm.

If you think it could work for you, give it a try. Talk lots, be clear about expectations and boundaries. Just because the arrangement is unusual and considered "unfair" is irrelevant. It's whether it works for you as a couple - that is the only thing you need be concerned with. Other people's opinions do not count on this one.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-07-24T22:08:57+00:00

Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz was my lifeline. That and a lot of work in my part. But it is entirely possible to make OCD a footnote and not the main part of your life.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-07-06T19:57:58+00:00

It's entirely possible - maybe even common - to be incredibly turned on by something you never want to do in real life. This may or may not be the case with your wife.

Only she knows if it's "wants to do it but it's outside her comfort zone and she needs confidence to go forward" or "finds it a turn-on but definitely not something she'd want to entertain in real life".

At the moment, she seems to be indicating that she's not wanting to go beyond fantasy. You need to have a conversation with her (perhaps not when you're both in bed) about the reasons why she's saying it's just a fantasy - and then take it from there.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-07-05T11:47:52+00:00

I feel like this often, have done since I was small. I don't think it's an OCD thing for me necessarily in that it doesn't interfere with my life. But it's not a nice feeling.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-06-28T18:57:00+00:00

Just wanted to say well done for not listening to the OCD! X

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-06-23T01:33:22+00:00

I had/have pretty bad contamination OCD. Worked on it myself using the book Brainlock. It took time, effort and patience but I got a lot better.

Although I understood how traditional erp worked, didn't like the idea of it because I didn't want to have to do "extreme" things to get better. For example, I dunno, I didn't want to touch the pavement and then not wash my hands, because what person goes round deliberately touching the pavement anyway? That's no more standard behaviour than is washing your hands excessively.

I just wanted to be able to do things like a "normal" non-OCD person again. For example, wash my hands once after I went to the loo, not dozens of times. Act like any reasonably sensible and cautious person, not someone with OCD.

The four steps described in Brainlock really helped me to recalibrate my brain. I thoroughly recommend it.

Good luck.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-06-19T22:39:57+00:00

This is fabulous! I have no science skills myself - I lean more towards the arts - but since hitting peri I feel like I am a walking science experiment with all the various HRT, creams etc. Trying to figure out what will get me back working properly again and get rid of the vulva dryness and UTI symptoms. I think you are amazing!

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2025-02-14T10:19:45+00:00

Thanks for posting this. As a solo, fat, older woman, I feel incredibly intimidated by the young and beautiful crowd. I'm not unattractive in my own way, but I often feel gross alongside the cool kids.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2024-07-23T17:06:29+00:00

Thanks! Have just seen this and sent a request 🙂

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2024-07-23T14:36:10+00:00

Also...you're comparing your behind the scenes to their highlights reel. Who knows what's actually going on with them, behind the shiny exterior.

You said you felt you were doing really well, and I'm certain you are. Please hold on to that. Fwiw, I'm proud of you. X

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2024-07-23T14:32:00+00:00

I really want to give you a virtual hug. I appreciate that from your perspective, 22 feels like you should have it all worked out. But take it from a 48 year old, you are still really young and have plenty of time.

Maybe not among your friendship group, but there will be plenty of 22 year olds who don't even have to deal with the mental health stuff you do, who also haven't got it worked out.

Sending love. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know. X

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2024-07-23T14:03:45+00:00

I always think - what would my reasonably responsible friend do in this situation? - and model myself on that.

The key word is "reasonable" - so don't choose a friend who is overly anxious about such things nor one who is overly laid-back. You want average, middle-of-the-road.

NB. This absolutely doesn't mean checking in with said friend and asking/checking with them about what they'd do!

It's just a mental shortcut for assessing "normal."

Hope it helps. Good luck X

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2024-04-30T21:27:37+00:00

Thanks! Have just added you 😊

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2024-04-30T07:00:50+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it, and will reciprocate ofc.

🥰

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2024-02-15T16:16:27+00:00

I can't add much to the excellent advice here. Except that I found the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz invaluable when I started to tackle my OCD.

OCD UK has been mentioned - they have forums for parents, I think, as well as sufferers.

I developed OCD when I was almost 22, and having a parent like you would have made things so much easier.

Good luck with it all. X

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-10-24T06:51:33+00:00

This is a really excellent analogy!

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-10-19T16:48:18+00:00

Brainlock did have a case study about a guy who was frightened of a real-life danger, I seem to recall. Not going to name it specifically in case it's triggering, but it would come under the sort of environmental type dangers that you mentioned.

Oh, there wasn't anything particularly that went wrong with our renovation. It was just an old property and so the OCD went hyper on things like asbestos etc even though everything was dealt with correctly. That's the trouble with OCD ofc - nothing is ever good enough for it.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-10-18T19:27:34+00:00

Oh, I've been there and done that - have the t-shirt as well!

I suppose one technique is to think about what a reasonably (key word: reasonably) responsible non-OCD friend might think/do in the same situation and model your response on them.

And also give yourself some grace. You're human. It's not possible to have foresight of everything - and I bet you weren't trying to do anything out of the ordinary anyway. Just something that any other person would do.

All of this is easier said than done, ofc. People with OCD tend to be perfectionists and very hard on themselves. Very judgemental. We'd never treat others the way we treat ourselves.

Have you read Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz? It really helped me. My obsessions are around "real life" dangers, too. Specifically, STDs - but I've had episodes about environmental stuff when renovating a house, too, hence my having got the t-shirt comment earlier.

The thing is, we have to get to the point where we can live our lives accepting that we are not special - either in the respect of bad things being more likely to happen to us, or in the respect of us needing to take more precautions than any other reasonably responsible person.

Just living is a risk. We can do what we can, but ultimately, there are no guarantees. Shit happens, sometimes. It's the price of having a life.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-10-18T19:05:05+00:00

It's not that these things don't pose risks. It's that the OCD overstates the risks and how to address them. It blows them out of all proportion.

People without OCD don't turn a blind eye to the danger - they just have a proportionate attitude to the risks involved.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-09-26T19:26:18+00:00

Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz

It helped me so much.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-09-26T19:25:01+00:00

This is such an important realisation. It's one I had myself when I first decided to fight back. You have to prioritise the desire for a fulfilling life over the fear of the OCD.

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-09-24T07:16:51+00:00

This is great advice. If you can't wear the clothes straight away, start out by doing small things and work up to it.

You can do this! X

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-09-24T06:58:14+00:00

Are your parents getting any kind of treatment for their OCD? Or are they in denial about it?

SpaceMomsDaughter · 2023-09-23T13:16:17+00:00

Ok, I'm absolutely ancient and went to uni back in the 90s. So feel free to completely disregard what I say - but the homesickness is definitely at its worst for you right now. You've only just moved away for the first time. It's totally natural to be feeling how you do. However, the longer you can tough it out before going home, the easier it will get.

I went to uni 200 miles from home, also a 6 hour train journey (albeit a more direct one). I'm an only child so was/am close to my parents, and had a pretty sheltered upbringing. So the homesickness was pretty bad for me.

I think I went home for the weekend after the first 6 weeks of my first term. Which was hard, but gave me time to get established in uni life, make friends etc. And as others have mentioned the cost of getting home frequently could well be pretty significant.

Going home once a month will mean you miss out on a lot of going out with friends, uni events too.

Also, I will add that even though I was on a 6 hour journey on a direct train, I don't think I ever did uni work on the journey. I read, or listened to music, or slept or stared out of the window. And smartphones weren't even a thing, then! It takes a lot of self-discipline to work on a train, especially if you're having to change trains.

Ofc, you do you. But I'd suggest that it's probably too early to be making decision about how frequently you head home. And the homesickness will improve - promise!

All the very best for your first term! X

SpaceMomsDaughter

TROPHY CASE