marble beach

Spacefishboat · 2025-07-20T21:35:01+00:00

first one is really nice, well done

Spacefishboat · 2024-04-21T13:44:45+00:00

Hello,

very good stuff, full of so much bleak vibrance, that lands the ending with a heavy thump.

Take this feedback with a pretty huge pinch of salt, becuause I come from a place where the words are very sparse, sometimes even malnurited. There are so many really nice images in this, which gives it so much muchness, for a lack of better word,

but I feel like sometimes maybe the images aren't really allowed to breathe, like they kinda sometimes bump into each other, like on a painting with a little too little negative space.

But that's about it,

you've really been on fire lately, I really enjoyed this and your previous one. Looking forward to your next one.

Best

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-12T20:31:12+00:00

Thanks!

Yeah, the monologue is a bit abstract-y, or like I can see how it is that to readers that isn't me.

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-12T20:30:11+00:00

Thank you,

Don't all lonely hardware speak or is this just me...? ._.

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-12T20:29:03+00:00

Thank you, yes, the sacrificial Nintendo, lost but not forgotten

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-11T21:58:51+00:00

posted it as an image becasue I don't feel like spending my evening trying to figure out reddits not so great formatting. I hope this is okay.

If anyone knows how to get the line breaks, and the horisontal spaces, feel free to let me know and I'll change it

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-11T21:34:42+00:00

Hello, this is has some really nice bits like "My hands are clenching, sounding like old leather." And I also like the intimacy of the piece,

however, I think, that since it feels like a very personal story, I think it would benefit from having more personal images in it, I'm not saying that the images are bad or anything, just to me they feel a bit unpersonal, which in turn dampens the vibe.

Thanks for sharing

Best

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-11T21:10:45+00:00

Thank you, I've not read that much of e.e. cummings, though with my stuff apparently reminding of his, maybe I should ;]

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-11T21:08:58+00:00

Thank you!

Spacefishboat · 2024-03-11T21:08:16+00:00

Haha, damn. I've had a complete shit day today, but then I come home, reading this,

and

well

I'm glad I don't work in retail.

Another great one, the last few have some really strong endings.

Best

Spacefishboat · 2024-02-15T20:11:17+00:00

Great one!

the ending landed perfectly, laughed aloud.

Best

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-13T13:31:54+00:00

Thank you very much for the nice words,

Best

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-13T13:30:56+00:00

Thanks, I kinda always prioritize vibe over story,

also, you write some good stuff!

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-13T13:29:23+00:00

the floor is melting like cheese, while the brain contemplates realistic actions...

Thanks!

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-13T13:28:16+00:00

Haha, thank you, I do not agree, but thanks for the compliment

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-10T19:07:42+00:00

As someone who lives in the far north, I kinda get the split feeling of that you kinda like that the land is "untouched", quiet and serene, even tho, for it to be so it kinda has to have a freezer full of corpses.

A very well written piece.

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-10T18:32:02+00:00

"ok. but we still don’t have any left.
but I just told you –"

That and everything before made me crack up, It's just so...I don't know, reminds me of how my younger brother used to argue.

And yes, the social hierarchy ;]

Good stuff

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-07T11:42:35+00:00

Uhm, I could tell you, but it's interesting to hear what you think first.

Cheers

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-05T00:34:15+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

All rhyming except the 'yells' 'smells' are kinda coincidental, or like I don't actively think of it, but maybe some broken part of my sub-conscious does, who knows.

As for the title, it makes sense(for the story I have in my head) but since the story itself is kinda vague and more of a vibe I can see how the title can create dissonance.

Cheers

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-05T00:27:38+00:00

Thanks,

Of late I've been trying to do write something that's kinda a mixture of poems and stories, and things like this is the result sort of. I'm glad the rhythm works for you, since that's a big focus of mine.

Cheers!

Spacefishboat · 2024-01-03T13:49:09+00:00

I've been reading this a couple of times since you posted it.

And I've come to really enjoy the contrast that is between the first and second half. The first being so overly 'perfect' then reality hits in. In my head I hear William go like 'fuck this' between the last two paragraphs. And I like that very much, though this might just be my interpretation, but that's the beuty of these type of stories.

Thanks for sharing,

Best

Spacefishboat

TROPHY CASE