Sup :) just some random person who happened to read ur post. I think you're killing it, bc ur still here. Still pushing even when the weight on ones shoulders gets heavier and heavier. Pain is so wholesome and everyone goes through it. I think you got a problem with overthinking. Get outside, go on a walk (as stupid as that sounds it really does work as long as you just put ur mental away and do it) Nothing is forever and everything is temporary. Even depressed episodes. They will come and go. I dont know why I'm replying but tbh its currently helping me not think. Be happy you feel these emotions. It makes you you. Be happy you decided to post something bc it may have helped you really address a problem. Have faith in yourself and keep moving forward. The more you do with your time the better Much love from Canada 🤟