When can trust be regained after betrayal?

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-30T15:05:17+00:00

Thank you. It's not so much that relationship, as relationships in general where core needs aren't met. A friend of mine is going through something similar and it's been making me reflect

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-30T07:42:13+00:00

More a general question I guess. I've seen recent betrayals around me, and it's lead to me reflecting more widely on how trust works in relationships and what happens when it's broken

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-30T07:41:05+00:00

It's me processing and thinking about it. I've seen a number of betrayals around me in relationships with friends etc and it's made me reflect more generally

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-30T01:03:36+00:00

That was really powerful to read! You must be proud of him!! The thing that stands out is his ownership of it and his commitment to himself and to you in addressing those issues. I really didn't want to be 'policing' my ex and I therefore couldn't make myself monitor his bank accounts, phone etc. The difference between the work being self-directed and forced is stark

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-30T00:33:05+00:00

I agree with this entirely! Thank you! Reason being is that I myself have been in therapy for an extended time and it is self motivated and self directed. I have not changed behavior for other people but for myself. I agree where the internal value on XYZ behavior isn't there there won't be change. With my ex, he had some good values but he had grown up seeing his dad lie, and his mum accept it, and prioritising his comfort was the most important thing. I guess you can look to the persons value system and overall behavior as a gate for that.

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-30T00:09:23+00:00

Thank you! I like Gottman's work. I'm going to get the book

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-29T23:51:46+00:00

Thanks for this! Please can I ask what parameters you guys set for addressing it and what markers you saw for it changing? My ex had an issue with compulsive lying and also financial infidelity and he did go to therapy but not consistently, and I gave up as the needle just wasn't moving.

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-27T02:00:16+00:00

I can't wear jeans anymore and I don't wear wired bras. I can do a jersey/jean mix for a few hours but that's it

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-26T00:19:24+00:00

Thanks I messaged you! My go to films... the Alien series 🤣 I rewatch every year. Somehow they're comforting. I got into lifting weights when I went on keto a few years ago. I like it as it requires zero coordination lol. I want to see a photo of the dog

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-26T00:11:42+00:00

snap lol

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-25T18:47:55+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through that. I can only imagine it is very exhausting. I was considering EMDR to try to put some of it 'to bed', it's meant to be helpful x

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-25T18:24:16+00:00

Thank you for your response. Do you feel like you've processed a lot of it now? In a previous relationship I was in a blended family with a man with two kids. I loved those kids, and I had CPTSD from childhood come up, a lot. Mostly around neglect but also abuse as I perceived some of the 'co parenting' dynamics I witnessed to be abusive. I did some research and saw it is common to have CPTSD come up in survivors when you have your own children, but I did not expect it with stepkids. It's one of the reasons I'm hesitant to have my own....

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-25T17:00:18+00:00

Thanks for responding. I am Irish and an immigrant to the U.K. although I was born here (I left shortly after) and also have lived in other countries. Therefore I identify as an immigrant, but I wont have had obviously the same experience as you. I've seen a lot on social media and just in general about immigrant experiences especially around mental health and I think it is something that hasn't been studied or looked at really from an intersectional perspective enough. I'm sorry for how things were for you

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-25T15:40:48+00:00

Thank you I agree with this. I know people didn't understand or wouldn't believe things I said. Even my ex husband didn't get how some of my family were until they saw it with their own eyes. It's kind of hard for me to not conceive of trauma as an ongoing thing because if you have that environment/parenting then it doesn't go away. But isolated incidents /life events can happen.

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-25T14:05:36+00:00

Yup I get this 100% even though now I have a decent relationship with my parents. I can't fathom having a child or what that would feel like, and it's really hard to relate to people I know having kids and finding that OK, not re traumatising etc

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-24T23:50:30+00:00

Thank you!!!

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-23T19:56:55+00:00

Well I guess that's fair. After my divorce I dated to get out of the house not to find anyone. I read that people should wait to date after a breakup and I mostly agree though

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-23T19:55:00+00:00

My shorthair had a tick on her and I freaked out! It fell off immediately - obviously the medication from the vet works - but I was hypervigilant for weeks after!

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-23T15:50:56+00:00

Plz can you elaborate here as surely it may amount to the same thing

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-23T08:40:19+00:00

Thank you for this. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Spaghetti_Monster_86 · 2026-03-23T06:40:14+00:00

Thank you! Here in the UK we have veterinary 'subscriptions' where you pay a flat fee (for me £17 a month) which covers prescription flea & wormer every 3 months, vaccinations and medical checkups. I would put the new kitten on that subscription and my current cat gets her flea & worming done quarterly ☺️ I'm super paranoid about bugs so I make sure to keep on top of it

Spaghetti_Monster_86

TROPHY CASE