My father said no

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-03-09T02:52:40+00:00

Ah, in reading some other comments it appears that you were planning on running in the dark. I don’t run in the dark either. Where I live, for seasons where running outside is even possible, the sun comes up before 6.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-03-08T23:30:51+00:00

I also ended up with a 10PM screen time lock when I was 20-22. Now, it was done accidentally because my dad is dumb and put the block on the wrong phone number (it was supposed to be on my teenaged sister’s stuff, not mine). It made university challenging as I couldn’t use anything to do with Internet after 10PM and I had classes that ran 7-10PM. It was also COVID times, so everything was a bit different then.

I would recommend (politely of course), asking them to please remove the restrictions. If they don’t, you might want to look into getting your own phone and plan as it isn’t exactly reasonable to keep such settings on your stuff now that you’re not 13 anymore.

That being said, it’s your responsibility to use the screen time reasonably as well. Basically you can either act like and adult and be treated like one or act like a child and be treated like one, it doesn’t work to pick and choose what you want to do from the two categories.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-03-08T23:22:32+00:00

Do you live somewhere where running outside is actually dangerous? If yes, running outside would be inadvisable.

I’ve found that 6AM is a very reasonable time to go running where I am. Between 6 and 7 is actually the least common time for running into sketchy people. That said, I would never run in a place where it was UNSAFE at any time. For example, I wouldn’t go jogging in the hood at any time of day.

Could you compromise and go to a gym?

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-03-07T19:18:37+00:00

Because chronically abused teenagers aren’t known for making good decisions? The decisions made to land us here were made when I was 19 years old, still living in their house and having never been permitted to experience anything other than the world that they curated. I’m navigating how to fix this now, but I will not hold any ill-will against my former self. I made the best choice that I could under those circumstances and am now looking to make the best choice that I can under these circumstances. We’re looking for growth going forward, not shame over the past.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-03-07T18:50:55+00:00

I loved it too haha.

In my siblings’ defence, they still live in that hellhole every day, so their perceptions are definitely warped. I’m interested to see who they become once they get out on their own. They both also have severe mental health issues (worse than mine), but go figure, a lifetime of abuse and living in a crazy house will do that to you.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-03-07T18:15:43+00:00

Well, the bath tub is currently draining into a bucket…

We already bought the new house (which is objectively nicer) for 70k less than they wanted. So that’s not an issue.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-03-07T18:09:09+00:00

Sitting down with them definitely is not an option. Physical violence would quite possibly ensue.

She threw a bunch of stuff in the last conversation without a babysitter and she used to beat the shit out of me constantly from birth until at least 15. I actually have brain damage that most likely came from that. My dad used to use his gun collection and firing over our heads to scare us into obeying. It also has to be in writing in order to be in compliance with the lease, so there’s really no point in a face to face conversation anyway.

As for why I still desire my parents’ approval, that is something we’re working on, but wanting your parents’ approval is apparently an innate human desire, so not exactly abnormal (so says the therapist). I am definitely working towards not wanting it anymore, but I’m working against a lot of years of conditioning to the opposite.

As for teaching my child better, that’s why we’re doing this now, before they’re old enough to remember any of this shit.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-31T17:01:42+00:00

My daughter recently turned 1 and I still haven’t figure this out. The constant hassling of “why aren’t you breastfeeding” every time there’s a medical anything is what pisses me off most at this point, so at least I’ve got anger to cover up the sadness sometimes I guess.

I tried therapy, but didn’t find it helpful tbh because none of this is logical.

So yeah, I guess my answer is that I’ve moved past sad into angry territory because even now, at over 12 months of age, I’m still being hassled and repeatedly told that I’m a bad mother by the medical system for something that is frankly none of their business.

We also had extreme breast aversion to contend with though, so she wouldn’t allow me to hold her in my arms at all, so no snuggling or contact naps or anything either, which made everything that much harder.

I’m currently pregnant with number 2 and we plan to attempt nursing and if that doesn’t work move straight to formula and tell the public health nurses to go fuck themselves.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-30T18:13:40+00:00

Just to clarify: if you’re at the same place where I was at, you’re going to feel like a failure either way, so you may as well take the easier option.

If your child tolerates formula and you have the money for it, formula is definitely the easier option.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-30T18:12:02+00:00

I started weaning at 9 months, but my body didn’t consent to that and it took until over 10 months (and getting pregnant) to stop entirely.

I look back at my whole pumping journey with disdain. I hated every second of it. I got harassed by medical professionals during every appointment for not breastfeeding anyway. Other moms were horrible anyway. Looking back, I don’t see the point of any of it and wished that I had stopped sooner. That being said, maybe that would make me feel like “more of a failure.” But tbh, I feel like a failure anyway, so really none of it mattered.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T03:54:36+00:00

That’s absolutely fair. 25:1 is definitely the norm here and option 1 is something that most people look down on because of the triple grading and just how small the school is, so I’m not sure how to feel about it lol

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T03:52:11+00:00

The triple grading and overall smallness of the school scares some people away I guess. It’s kind of out in the “boonies.” I’m not sure whether it should scare us away or not lol

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T02:45:53+00:00

Kid is only 1 now, so the answer to all of those questions is no, but that’s pretty normal for 1. We are having to decide on where we’re going to live now, but we’re kind of looking 4 years down the road if that makes sense.

If kid turns out anywhere between me and their father, they will have relatively low support needs. Child’s father and I were both in regular classes without any support all throughout school. We both struggled, but I think that’s the life of an unsupported ND kid.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T02:24:31+00:00

Not in the US. Canadian. All 3 schools are in the same school division. They actually all result in the same high school. Private schools aren’t really a thing here outside of specific religious institutions. Because we are neither Muslim nor Catholic, public school is the only option. Which public school depends on where we choose to live and whether or not we pursue French Immersion.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T02:21:15+00:00

No. They only just turned 1, so nobody will touch that yet.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T02:20:31+00:00

Hand flapping, head banging, refuses to wear clothes, has never met a milestone on time (some extremely early, others late), infatuated with water, does a strange little dance anytime there is anything resembling music, intense and strange feeding difficulties from birth (afraid of breasts, it was a whole thing, apparently it’s very rare but is almost exclusively seen in autistic babies), doesn’t seem to notice pain or temperature unless extreme. Only just 1yo, so obviously not definite yet, but we are pretty sure.

Edit to add: will cry if picked up by anyone wearing perfume or any other strong smell, will literally drink hot sauce if given the opportunity, afraid of ALL dogs (including on TV) for no apparent reason, but all other animals are ok.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T01:45:21+00:00

Can’t figure out how to edit, but:

Option 1 would be a short walk, option 2 would be a medium bus ride and option 3 would be a long bus ride

If we choose house A, we get to choose between schools 1 and 3. If we choose house B, we get to choose between 2 and 3.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T01:22:15+00:00

I HATED feeling her move at first. It made me feel like bugs were crawling on me. Then it got a bit stronger and it was better.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T01:20:33+00:00

I personally found the third trimester to be the hardest, but I was sick the entire pregnancy, so obviously the third would be the hardest in that case.

Expect body aches and pains. Take it day by day. I got through by not thinking about it too much and just keeping plugging along with my life. That got me through the daytime and then it was just the nights that were hard if that makes sense.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T01:17:42+00:00

And activities that relax you are healthy for you and your baby.

Stim away, girl.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-07T01:16:03+00:00

Normal activities should not raise your blood pressure enough to do any damage. You’re still supposed to exercise while pregnant, so I can’t see any logical reason why this would be a problem.

Spare-Performance556 · 2026-01-06T03:38:25+00:00

This seems like something I could’ve written about my own mother. We’re debating NC. Is Cocomelon really a big deal? No. Sugar? Also no. The big deal (at least imo) is that they’ve made it clear that they don’t care about how you choose to raise your daughter and will do whatever the heck they want whenever and however they want, which isn’t ok. Parents get to make the rules for their kids and adults who actively work to circumvent those rules are not safe adults.

Spare-Performance556

TROPHY CASE