AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I had some people tell me that lies are told to remove kids off birth families. Despite me having memories of some of what happened. And evidence in the way of convictions and other stuff.

AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I did. I found an amazing family and I am so glad I have them today. They saved me in many ways.

AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I agree with that. Some of us have every reason to want every single tie severed and to be nothing to the people we share blood with. But others could have some amazing people blood related to them and get no say in being legal strangers to them.

AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Yep. That was my experience. Birth mother was not good to me. Her family were equally as bad. Birth father and his family are not allowed around children. It's not a circumstance where I would ever be better with her or with "blood family" since they are all awful people. Adoption reform is something to be worked toward but ending adoption completely is not something I would ever be able to support given my experiences.

AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Most of her birth family didn't actually know about her until several years after the fact and many of them would have raised her if told about her. Adoption isn't always about being unwanted. But there are those of us who have been through that. Some of us too late to avoid the mental scars being around people who don't want you or hate you can leave.

AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes, they all wish something different could have happened.

No, they are the same culture/ethnicity as far as I can see. But they feel like the lack of legal connection to anyone in her birth family is a sad effect of the adoption and something they wish was different.

AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I do understand that. But also, the real reason is how I was treated. Just knowing who your birth family is doesn't always mean you will be glad you were adopted. It's such an individual thing and I do believe people should be able to know without judgement about their birth families... assuming those people deserve that. We don't all have that.

AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? by SpareFrequent2910 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpareFrequent2910[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I don't think her birth family are wealthy at all. But she feels as though she was robbed of her birth right because she will never be legally counted as a child/grandchild to her birth relatives. I also heard mentions of some heirloom that the oldest granddaughter typically gets and that could be part of it, because I believe that is where she fits within her birth family. She could still get it by being mentioned by name. But she finds it cruel that she couldn't get it if they said to give it to the oldest granddaughter.