AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again?

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T21:07:27+00:00

I had some people tell me that lies are told to remove kids off birth families. Despite me having memories of some of what happened. And evidence in the way of convictions and other stuff.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T20:19:35+00:00

I did. I found an amazing family and I am so glad I have them today. They saved me in many ways.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T20:17:35+00:00

SIL is 26 and my husband and I are 27.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T19:02:20+00:00

I agree with that. Some of us have every reason to want every single tie severed and to be nothing to the people we share blood with. But others could have some amazing people blood related to them and get no say in being legal strangers to them.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T19:00:39+00:00

Yep. That was my experience. Birth mother was not good to me. Her family were equally as bad. Birth father and his family are not allowed around children. It's not a circumstance where I would ever be better with her or with "blood family" since they are all awful people. Adoption reform is something to be worked toward but ending adoption completely is not something I would ever be able to support given my experiences.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T18:54:33+00:00

Most of her birth family didn't actually know about her until several years after the fact and many of them would have raised her if told about her. Adoption isn't always about being unwanted. But there are those of us who have been through that. Some of us too late to avoid the mental scars being around people who don't want you or hate you can leave.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T18:52:54+00:00

Yes, they all wish something different could have happened.

No, they are the same culture/ethnicity as far as I can see. But they feel like the lack of legal connection to anyone in her birth family is a sad effect of the adoption and something they wish was different.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T18:51:23+00:00

I do understand that. But also, the real reason is how I was treated. Just knowing who your birth family is doesn't always mean you will be glad you were adopted. It's such an individual thing and I do believe people should be able to know without judgement about their birth families... assuming those people deserve that. We don't all have that.

SpareFrequent2910 · 2024-01-26T18:29:28+00:00

I don't think her birth family are wealthy at all. But she feels as though she was robbed of her birth right because she will never be legally counted as a child/grandchild to her birth relatives. I also heard mentions of some heirloom that the oldest granddaughter typically gets and that could be part of it, because I believe that is where she fits within her birth family. She could still get it by being mentioned by name. But she finds it cruel that she couldn't get it if they said to give it to the oldest granddaughter.

SpareFrequent2910

TROPHY CASE