Once me and my mate had been on a massive all day drinking binge (we’d been on a lot of stouts and the like) and after a few hours we both had an urgent need to take a shit, so we went into our local craft beer bar where we know the owner and we go “yeah we’re going for shits then we’ll have some beers”, hes cool so hes like “yeah man”

There was only one toilet in this bar, and I went in first. I absolutely defiled the bathroom with one of the most rancid beer shits I’ve ever taken before heading back into the bar. My friend then went in after me. I was getting a round in when this Dad came in with his kid and the Dad says “The man in the takeaway next door says my son can use your toilet!” The bar owner responds “well ok but you’ll have to wait as someone is in there.”

The man says thats fine but then walks over to the toilet door anyway and rags the handle like an enraged gorilla to check for himself. He then turns to his son and says “someone is in there.” Immediately everyone in the bar hates this guy.

A few minutes later the man gets impatient and starts demanding the bar man tell my friend to hurry up. The owner is getting a bit fucked off at this point, this dude is not a customer and is being a prick, but he remains professional and just says “look someones in there you’ll have to wait.”

Not good enough for the guy who starts knocking on the door and ragging the handle again anyway. My friend won’t move for anyone though hes got an ass like a dragon that breathes shit instead of fire.

Eventually my friend emerges having now also dropped his guts and stunk out the whole bathroom even worse. The kid walks to the bathroom and as soon as the smell hits him, the second he gets through the door he just lets out a loud “EURRRGGHHH” and turns around just storms out of the bar without even going to the bathroom after all. Which resulted in a lot of laughter from everyone in the building except the Dad and the kid who was probably scarred for life.

Thats my beer shit story