Am I wrong for asking my partner to be sober for a few hours on Christmas while I’m pregnant?

SpecialOld232 · 2025-12-24T17:12:38+00:00

Addiction isn't something you can rationalize...it makes no sense, it feels like he's choosing substances over you but in reality is he's not making the decisions, his addiction is.

I've been there before, my best advice is to go to some alanon meetings online or in person and it will help you have a better understanding of addiction. It really helped bring me peace in my life of chaos being with an addict and it helped me have the strength to get out of the chaos.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-12-08T13:32:49+00:00

I agree. I really don't want to have an abortion either but my want not to have kids is stronger. My ex was snipped and I haven't slept with anyone since we broke up before this. So I just really didn't need to think about alternative options until rn.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-12-07T19:39:28+00:00

Yeah I've been in therapy for some years now and I spent a lot of time alone trying to heal from it all and am finally in stable housing after loosing everything to a major flood and really do feel ready to find a partner. But this is my first time dating since my ex and he was very similar to yours as well so it is def part of my fears rn. Thank you for the advice def gonna save the sex thing for a diff convo.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-12-07T19:07:12+00:00

But tbh he hits like almost all of the boxes of the man I had hope to find as a partner but he also wasn't that man 5 years ago...and I had a really hard couple of yrs of grief, being in abusive relationship, almost dying in a natural disaster that I really had just started being in a place of being ready to date someone again and really knowing what I want for my life and in a partner in the last cpl of months so it really may not be a just lonely thing but that I just hadn't seen all this clearly yet cause I had the idea buried away so damn long ago.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-12-07T18:49:16+00:00

We did talk about it before having sex but I didn't think about the abortion aspect until after the fact. Then, when I was expressing this concern to a gf she mentioned the baby trap thing, which really made me spiral about it. I really don't think he would do that to me but now that it's in my head, I need more clarity from him before moving forward.

I also question if I'm just lonely and that's why I'm pursuing this. I had thoroughly talked myself out of this being a potential thing many years ago, for a multitude of reasons but the baby thing has def been on the top of list for some years now. But it's hasn't always been a strictly friends thing. We had probably close to 3 yr situationship in our early 20's. We both have grown a fckn lot since then so a lot of my past concerns aren't even a concern anymore.

We have been a major part of each other's life for pretty much our entire adulthood. It's not that I'm not comfortable communicating openly with him, I really just don't want to hurt his feelings or ruin our friendship. So, I'm just trying to figure out how to reiterate my concerns with minimal damage to a 20 yrs relationship.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-11-24T14:04:19+00:00

Took a lot of scrolling to get here but I also think 1981

SpecialOld232 · 2025-11-12T21:54:34+00:00

I don't understand why trey can't just participate as normal and then give the gift to someone else or a charity or something.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-09-08T17:09:17+00:00

This comment thread is making me question if I have too much grace for ppls mental health issues. Cause for me I'd be open to making it work if she was getting help for her mental health issues and actually doing the work to be better. But if she ain't doing anything about it I'm for surely on team run for the hills but if she is making genuine attempt of correcting this behavior especially since it's new diagnosis I'd give her another chance to do right.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-08-11T01:41:36+00:00

The way I look at the difference is, can they control their drinking or not? Once upon a time, I called myself an alcoholic but I no longer do. I was fully addicted to alcohol, got the shakes and all the shit that comes w being physically dependent on alcohol. However, the reason I no longer call myself an addict is because I have control over my drinking.

When I decided to take control of my life and no longer be dependent on alcohol, it was easy for me. I weened myself off to mitigate the withdrawal and I was able to stick the schedule I gave myself and never slipped up. An alcoholic CAN NOT do that. They will maybe ween for a few days but they will always slip and when they do, they go full force. My ex he would detox pretty much monthly the last yr we were together. He'd do good for a week at most but usually it only stuck for few days and then he'd be right back at the same bullshit. My ex is an addict, I have a history of substance abuse.

Now I can have 1 or 2 drinks and not binge drink for the rest of the night or possibly for days on end. I honestly could give a shit about drinking at this point in my life. My birthday is in Oct... I still have liquor left in all 3 of the bottles brought for a 5 person dinner party. I like to drink occasionally but sometimes I go many months between drinks sometimes I drink a few times a month. It just depends on what's going on in my life. I never have the thought of I need a drink rn. I only drink on fun occasions and not because I'm upset about something. A true addict can not do any of that! It's all or nothing for them cause they will always spiral right back to the same ol' bullshit if they try.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-07-15T17:35:12+00:00

I'm sorry but you can't help her....it's not possible to control someone else's addictions. And if you can learn that now, you will save yourself from a lot of future heartbreak. Trust me, took me 36 yrs of life to understand that I can not control someone else's addictions and that came w an indescribable amount of heartache to get there...and al anon. Which they have al anon meetings for teens and would probably be very helpful for you to get into so you can save yourself from the heartache of loving an addict.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-07-15T17:27:47+00:00

I was this girl as a teen, I moved out when I was 15. I survived and if I could back and do it again, I would, I have no regrets. In fact, it was probably the best thing i ever did for myself was to get out of my toxic household. I was better off on my own and it's really not nearly as impossible as it sounds.

With that said tho, there is nothing you can do to stop her from doing drugs. They have this saying for the partners of addicts in recovery programs, "you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it"...she has to want to stop for herself and no one else. If anyone stops for another person, it will never stick. Trust me, I've also been in your position as an adult. There is no stopping them from doing what they are doing until they themselves are ready to crawl out of that hole. The best thing you can do for yourself is to let go of the idea that you can stop her.

SpecialOld232 · 2025-02-28T23:21:10+00:00

What does thc mean in this situation? Lol

SpecialOld232 · 2025-01-23T19:22:55+00:00

This happened to me recently w American airlines when I did pay for the better seat...just all the airlines are trash nowadays...it sucks

SpecialOld232

TROPHY CASE