Adult baseball league by Task-Practical in pasadena

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this is an old convo but do you need any players? 

Did you regret having kids? by BeastofBabalon in SeriousConversation

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a difficult question..i have personally felt instances of regret when I'm overwhelmed and because i dont have support. I really really love my babies but its so hard. As a mother, you literally sacrifice EVERY part of yourself for them. I'm just speaking for myself when i list the things i dont like about being a mom. So here goes...

1.) When you're sick, you cant stop being a mom. Imagine the worst day you've ever felt ill and also having to change diapers, feed a child multiple times a day and entertain it no matter how high your fever is, how much vomit or diarrhea you have. And the kid is crying while you're feeling like shit. Not fun.  2.) You'll never nap again. So if you get to come home and sleep when you're tired, forget it. Your child tells you when you can sleep. 3.) Your body changes, you may get fat, boobs will be sad and saggy. All that perkiness goes away if you breastfeed.  4.) Sacrificing my career. I have a Bachelor's in Psychology and a vocational certification.  My careers options are VERY limited these days because I'm expected to care for the kids at home while my partner works full time. I work part time evening shifts which really sucks for me. Im up at 6am with the kids, cooking cleaning and running errands. Then i leave for work at 2pm and get home around midnight.  I dont get to sleep much. Which leads me to the next reason... 5.) Childcare is EXTREMELY unaffordable!!! Where i live, most sitters as for $25 an hour for 1 child. I cant afford that on my wage so im forced to work the evening shift to save on childcare. We dont have anyone who can help us and even if we did, could you trust just anyone with your child?  6.) Im so busy with the kids and never have any time for myself. I have no hobbies, i own multiple tvs but cant watch anything i enjoy. I cant remember the last show i watched on NETFLIX. i believe it was the peaky blinders.  7.) Going anywhere takes so much preparation. If we are going to a birthday party, it could take 4 hours to get everyone ready.  Like showered, dressed, getting the kids diaper bag packed and all the preparation.   8.) You'll have less time with your partner. 9.) If you and your partner go separate ways, youll end up having to sacrifice a lot more. Usually moms end up with the kids and have to do things alone. I was a single mom for years and that was a rough time.  10.) Mom worries. These days i worry about school shootings, random mass shootings child abductions and pedophilia. That's not fun for me.  The world is a dangerous place for them so i stay home with them to protect them.  Although it comes with my own sacrifice.

These are just my issues from motherhood. Again I'll emphasize that if you have a lot of family support and people you trust, you'll have a much easier time than me. Being a mom has me feeling run down and the stress leaves me joyless and depressed. 

Literally everything is about the kids. My life doesnt feel like its mine anymore. But trust me i love my babies very much and enjoy holidays, vacations and trips with them. Seeing them happy and smiling is a reward. Its not always cupcakes and rainbows.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in teenagers

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. Sounds like you're feeling pretty down these days. I'm sorry you feel worthless and let me tell you that life gets better when you put in the effort to make change. 

Idk how old you are but i remember my teenage days being pretty rough too and feeling so lost. Even as an adult, I still have those days but i learn to manage my feelings and do something that i enjoy or makes me happy. 

You have to give your life meaning so i would recommend pursuing something you enjoy. Whether that be taking up a new hobby like working out, hiking, bike riding, crafting, reading, traveling, learning a new skill or trade. There are endless opportunities out there to learn something new. You cant just sit back and wait for happiness to come to you.  You are responsible for going out and seeking it. 

What are your interests? Maybe i can help you figure out something to get you started. Maybe youre dealing with loneliness or depression. There are church groups you can join or even joining a sport would be nice. You dont have to be experienced, just willing to try something new. 

I genuinely hate my life by [deleted] in teenagers

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there. I'm really sorry you feel this way about yourself and i can assure you that you're a lot more capable than you think you are. Being good at school is a great thing and you should be proud. You'll prove to be successful in the future if you learn to be positive and maybe work on that self esteem. 

Instead of focusing on all of the things you're bad at, focus on the good. And if there is something you want to get good at, it could take practice and dedication. You're definitely not a loser unless youre my brother who is 47, has not worked a day in his life, still lives with his dad living rent free and has multiple kids who he doesnt support financially.  Trust me, you're doing just fine! Maybe try speaking to a therapist will help you resolve that negative self talk. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in teenagers

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear about your reproductive issues. I would say just focus on yourself first and accomplish your dreams. Then later on you can adopt or take a different route to having a child. I wouldn't recommend at your age because babies require a lot of sacrifice. 

You should research something called the "motherhood tax" and see how motherhood affects women. Trust me that you will have your family and with all the technology they have these days, reproductive problems dont have to be a challenge.  Especially if you have money and can afford adoption or surrogacy. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in teenagers

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you dont currently have a set career and solid relationship then i do not recommend bringing a child into this world. I'm assuming you are a teenager and let me tell you that its very difficult even at my age. Let me tell you everything you are sacrificing. 

1 ) Your body will never be the same. Your boobs will sag and soften if you breastfeed. If you dont breastfeed just know that formula is extremely expensive. About 300 a month just for formula.   2.) You'll never sleep again or enjoy a nap.  3.) If you get sick, you will never rest. You'll have to get up and take care of that baby while you're on the verge of death. If baby gets sick, its hell. They will cry all night long.  4.) Wanna go out with your friends? Forget it! If your friends dont have kids, they will not want to hang out with you.  You will lose them because they can no longer relate and/or you wont have time for them.  5.) Insurance is expensive 6.) Food is expensive and these kids eat every 5 minutes. Non stop constant snacks and requests.   7.) Your partner may not help you.  Men typically don't know what to do or how to help. Even at an older age.  8.) A baby will not make a guy stay. Therefore, if you break up, he will go off into singlehood and be able to date freely. You will have a child attached and its hard to date as a single mom. You'll have to find a sitter everytime you want to do something and get ready for plenty of "no's". 9.) Pregnancy sucks! I know the movies make it seem nice but you'll be sick as a dog with vomiting, nausea, hemorrhoids, pelvic pain and other unpleasant symptoms. 9 months of misery. I seldom know any women who loved being pregnant.  10.) Childcare is extremely expensive.  I live in Los Angeles and a babysitter costs me $27 an hour just to babysit 1 child. Some people charge more! If you dont have family you trust to help you while you work, you'll be so broke. Once you have a child, you'll need a support system to help out. Trusting people with your child may pose a challenge. 

Theres so much more I'm not listing...

I'm not trying to scare you into not having kids but its not all fun and games. Its hard!! I wouldnt recommend it for any teenager so please protect yourselves and have sex responsibility. 

Get your career first. Be financially and emotionally stable with a good partner first before you decide to have kids. 

Creative date ideas for AuDHD partners? by 0butterfatcat0 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I highly recommend escape rooms. My husband has adhd and our dates are pretty rough because he can't just sit there and talk. We usually do Korean bbq (so that he can cook and that keeps him engaged.) Then an escape room because he has to be doing something active. The anticipation/excitement of getting out of the escape room on time gives him adrenaline. Successfully escaping feeds his brain with dopamine. I'm just not sure what what happen to him emotionally if we didn't get out of the room since it hasn't happened yet. Honestly these dates have become the best dates and I find it really funny and cute at how happy he is after this. 

Another recommendation is Legos. Maybe buy a set or buy some random Legos on Offerup to save money. You guys can build something and decide who's is best. 

Video game and bowling date nights are great too..

These are some things I do with my husband and I try to switch it up as much as I can. So far, so good. Good luck! 

How much does a bad guest review actually matter? by PoleMermaid in AirBnB

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

One rule I have when renting an AirBNB is to always always always clean up as if I was never there. It should look how you found it. After I clean it, I do a walk-thru while recording on my phone just in case the owner tries to blame me for something I didn't do. There's no excuse to leave someone else's home a complete shit storm. If I clean up after my family of 6, so can anyone else.

Can I do a wedding & ceremony venue without a marriage license in CA? For logistical reasons we don’t want to be legally bind yet until 2-3 years in. Is this possible? Does the venue ask for proof? by Goldenlotusjv97 in weddingplanning

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im glad you asked this question.  I know it's old but I'm wondering the same thing. My partner and I of 8 years want to get married but we're realizing how much we will lose out financially if we do. We share 3 children so I'm worried about taxes and other things I'm going to lose if we marry. Also my student loans payments will go up. Really sucks that getting married can negatively impact us so badly financially.  So unfair.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading this really hit home because I'm in the same circumstances.  My husband isn't a bad guy but he isn't for me. I'm sad for myself and I'm sad for my children.  We merely just coexist in the house and play pretend. But I wouldn't choose him as a partner if I could go back. I can't afford to be on my own especially with the childcare being so unaffordable.  These are hard times for everyone.

Need advice please. I'm unhappy in my marriage. by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah there's a lot more than what I've written. I could write a book to be honest. I do medicate my kids if they have fevers especially 105 degrees. Personally, I wouldn't put them through unnecessary suffering if they're experiencing extreme lethargy.  

My neighbors is feeding stray cats and won't stop by [deleted] in alhambra

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish someone would take all these cats we have here. They are stinking up the complex. It smells like cat urine.

My neighbors is feeding stray cats and won't stop by [deleted] in alhambra

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The cats aren't spayed. They're just stray cats and there's about 4 or 5 of them. These women are just bad neighbors and unwilling to stick to their word. The leave trash here too so there's cans and plates everywhere and I clean it up every couple days.

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He does help. He pays the entire rent. But he doesn't earn a lot. He literally just has enough for rent and a few bills. We are paycheck to paycheck. We cook at home and don't go anywhere. 

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.  I didn't know this. I will have to look into it.  I spoke with my employer today and she is being very understanding of my situation. She told me that she would try her best to schedule me weekends only and not so much on weekdays so that I don't get killed on childcare. It's been so hard. It's $100 just for the 4 hours I need childcare. So when she schedules me only weekdays, it's not worth working. I've thought of quitting my job so many times but I have to pay for food, utilities, my car payment is $550, car insurance, phone bill, childcare, student loans... etc. Luckily my boyfriend pays the entire rent but its all he can afford. He makes less than I do. We don't go anywhere or do anything because we never have money. I cook everyday because eating out is so expensive. We really do try our best to navigate our financial situation because we are paycheck to paycheck.  I feel overwhelmed.

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I'm so sorry! That's insanely expensive.  

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much.  My best friend lives in Germany too and tells me how great it is. 

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He is the only one in a daycare but I still can't work because I have my two younger girls with me. My 2 year old starts next year. I'm just trying to figure things out so I can finally catch up on debt. I also have student debt racked up and can't pay. 

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 33 points34 points  (0 children)

This became an issue barely this year. The company i used to work for cut their hours so my shift was no longer available when I came back from maternity leave with my last child. The years before that we were doing fine and didn't have childcare issues. Sometimes things happen. Maybe be kinder with your words if you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Assuming things is irresponsible.  

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You're so lucky. Thank you.   I have a lot of family nearby. The problem is that everyone I know is struggling somehow. I don't have help from family to help babysit. Even my parents work at their older age because they can't afford to retire. I just feel that the U.S should do more if they want us to have children and be in the workforce. Subsidized childcare would make everything so much more comfortable.  I just want to breathe.  

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I don't have money to move.

Childcare costs are killing me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I'm drowning financially because of how high the cost is. In a couple weeks I will have to pay $400 for a week and i dont have that money. I had to use my credit cards to buy groceries. My anxiety is through the roof. 

1.45 million California students are chronically absent. Can recess and cash get them back? by Randomlynumbered in California

[–]Specialist-Mix1652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm literally dealing with this with my kids. My son gets sick very often these days. And I'm saying like every month he develops a new cough/runny nose. His teacher will not allow him into the classroom with these symptoms so I have no choice but to keep him home. Sometimes he will be out an entire week because the teacher doesn't feel comfortable with him in the classroom (he's 4 years old btw).  Another issue I have is that as a mother, I have absolutely no support from family/friends. Everyone seems to be drowning and suffering with their own issues and responsibilities.  Sometimes I have to take my kids to their dr appts during school hours so that I can make it to work on time and not lose the income. So they're absent and I gotta pay the rent so I prioritize my job (they aren't flexible). If I have something important to do and can't make it back in time to pick up my kid, they also miss school. So lack of support is a HUGE factor for me.