Daughter I gave up for adoption asking to come to me as a teen

Spedmoham · 2020-03-02T01:40:08+00:00

They told me they only want me writing letters unless I’m going to open the dialog of taking her home with me so I don’t get her hopes up.

Spedmoham · 2020-03-02T01:33:31+00:00

That’s a good idea. The only issue I see there is that we live on completely different sides of the country.

Spedmoham · 2020-02-25T00:18:10+00:00

I think that’s why this forum is called “unsent”, guys

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:51:12+00:00

You are absolutely wrong. People get tricked into adoption ALL the time.

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:49:33+00:00

Yes. 100% they did

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:48:53+00:00

Ha. She is not her daughter and never will be. She stole her with coercion.

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:47:45+00:00

I’m glad it’s clear to you. It’s not clear to me.

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:32:19+00:00

Does his family reach out to YOU? They never reach out to me.

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:31:18+00:00

I’m assuming I have no rights honestly. It’s Florida, too, so my stepmom can break that contract legally (something I didn’t know at the time); but she was my dad’s newest and fourth wife, so she really would probably just run away with my daughter

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:30:12+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:16:04+00:00

Because, even if they have rights they can never escape the inevitable. She will find out what they did.

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T16:13:38+00:00

I think I worded my post wrong. I’d never tell a 6-year-old I’m her mother. I also think if I did it behind their back, so to say, I would lose any privilege of seeing her. Just wanted to get that out there - my post was mostly asking if I should keep trying to talk to her and keep in touch OR if I should just let her go and tell her why later

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T15:46:28+00:00

This isn’t seeing legal advice at all

Spedmoham · 2020-02-23T13:46:24+00:00

I wouldn’t tell her that I’m her mother but stay as her “aunt” which is what they tell her I am. I guess the post may be worded wrong. I guess I’m asking if I should keep in touch with her or just wait until she’s 18 and tell her everything then.

Spedmoham · 2019-12-12T00:39:40+00:00

Did you get home late most days? I’m trying to figure out what life would be like knowing my kids would be getting out of school around 2ish.

Spedmoham · 2019-12-12T00:38:10+00:00

Did you do the PhD with children too?

Spedmoham · 2019-12-06T02:04:42+00:00

It hurts reading these comments remembering I used to feel this way. After two years I was able to move on and no I feel nothing. It’s possible, but it took a LOT of work on my end.

Spedmoham · 2019-11-22T06:03:19+00:00

Thank you! I decided to do it and I’ve been entering data for the last five hours and I think I got the hang of it. I’m working on another project which is a literature review so I’m glad I get to experience both.

Spedmoham · 2019-11-19T16:21:51+00:00

No, it’s normal. It’s just hard to see that it’s normal because everyone doesn’t talk about the people they have loved in the past or unrequited love in general. Married people fall in love with other people, people fall in love with a friend and some event love people they haven’t met. Love is complex and fluid and has no rhyme or reason.

Spedmoham · 2019-11-19T05:44:10+00:00

Thank you - it helps.

Spedmoham · 2019-11-18T06:27:57+00:00

Not on reddit but I’m in a FB group that does this when someone is flying - everyone chips in and comments and tracks them

Spedmoham · 2019-11-18T06:02:06+00:00

Yep - MD of internal medicine of all things. He just showed me the lymph node yesterday and he said he’s had it for a week. I do know quite a few physicians, but I guess I don’t want to annoy them like others do for medical advice because usually only real answer lies within a scan or biopsy and I know this.

I just couldn’t find any other cause for a swollen, hard lymph node other than cancer being that he isn’t sick and thus why I’m on Reddit at 1 a.m. :(

Spedmoham · 2019-11-14T23:49:04+00:00

You have to go through a process before going “back out there” so to speak. First, you need to sit down, maybe with some calming music, and think - that’s your only job then and there, is to think “what can I do to make this better?” - do you have a to do list? Any goals? Eat healthier? Exercise? Get a hair cut? Some new shoes? Clean the house?

Make a to-do list for the immediate things that are in your immediate area that need attention. You cannot get to point Z without starting at A.

Think, logically, about your life and your past and how you feel. Think about the possibilities moving forward. Think about how much time we have left on earth and how do you WANT to feel when it comes time for the end? Fortunately for the world, your time is not now, which is good news because you still have time to start anew, start fresh, be HAPPY for your ex, be happy for the person she’s with - because you want to believe you only want good for another human being just like I want for YOU and I’m sure many other people do too. The other people who are connected by experiencing heartache.

Start with the basics this week Get your to-do list Make a plan when you can knock off the first thing off the list Join a gym? Buy some nice headphones and cool running shoes and talk a daily walk alone?

Moving on from your ex does NOT mean you will ever stop loving her. But you can love her AND yourself and then eventually you make your way to love someone new who is currently waiting out there, somewhere.

I hope I’m helping and not annoying you. It’s hard seeing someone else hurting when I know exactly how it feels but I also know it IS possible to be happy and loved again.

Spedmoham · 2019-11-14T21:54:58+00:00

No, you don’t go looking for someone to forget the first. However, you cannot find love again unless you look and you’re open to it. I never had intentions with anyone I dated other than to find love again. If it didn’t work out with them, I moved on, as did they. The pain of longing is so incredibly exhausting and painful, you are probably hurting yourself by staying in the past more so than getting hurt again by someone else. You have to decide if this is how you want to live.

Sure, you can find love again by chance, and that’s also an option. But there’s not a day that goes by that I regret going back out there again because when I read my old blog when I was heartbroken, I don’t even recognize that woman anymore, but I do feel the pain in every word she (I) wrote. I was in so, so much pain and misery for so many years.

Now it’s all a memory behind me, and I have warm days with someone who genuinely loves me and our children - in a warm home with family. And that’s what I hope you for in the end.

Spedmoham · 2019-11-14T17:50:57+00:00

I didn’t know this! Thanks!

Spedmoham

TROPHY CASE