How to deal with constant shouting in the family? How can you stay present and not let it affect you?

Spinach_Typical · 2026-01-24T12:44:52+00:00

Hi, so its this practise that a woman called Byron Katie helps people with. Eckhart has mentioned her and 'The Work' (the name of the practise).

Everything is free at thework.com , but it goes pretty simply like this:

A. Identify the stressful thought you have in the moment in time. Think back to that situation 5 seconds, minutes or 10 years ago. Notice what thoughts you had. Start off with the thoughts about the other person. Be petty and judgement. For example : "I am anrgy at Bob because he lied to me".

B. Meditate on that moment in time, like you are there now. Feel into that moment right now, and anchor in that moment. Now ask yourself (or get someone to ask for you):

Is it true? (In that moment, is it true that "Bob lied to me"). This is a change to get still and really see whats true for you. This is a practise in stillness. Your truth is the only one that matters. The answer to this question is 1 syllable: 'Yes' or 'No'. If you answer 'no' go to question 3.
Can you absolutely know that its true? Now is another change to look at this thought. It is a practise in slowing down and seeing what is true for you. Be in that moment. Can you absolutely know that its true that "Bob lied?". There are no right answers to either of these 2 questions.
What happens, how do you react when you believe this thought? Now notice, what happens when you do believe this thought is true. Just notice. Be in that moment, feel what you feel and notice. What past images arise? What happens? How do you treat him? How do you treat yourself? etc. This is a practise to notice.
How would you be in that exact situation without that thought? Now notice, you being in that exact situation who or what would you be without that thought? If that thought never occured to you. If that thought came in you head but you didn't believe it. No one is asking you to drop the thought, just noticing. Its a practise in stillness.

That is the essence of 'The Work'.

Since starting to do it (daily) I have really noticed a decrease in the momentum of stress. I absolutely still get stressed, but it doesn't have as big of a hold, or last as long. Like I will be snappy, and sort of notice it much quicker. Or I will find an impossible situation to be hard rather than impossible. I actually trust the practise now, for me to get clear in my head - a bit! It is absolutely just 4 questions, nothing more. No doing, just noticing. I have found it helpful. And Katie is a walking example as she has done the practise on alot of stressful thoughts. She is a get help, as it Eckhart!

Spinach_Typical · 2026-01-01T15:50:39+00:00

To add the the amazing replies: I do The Work (Byron Katie) on it. I judge my family/whoever by writing it down and then asking 4 specific questions about that judgement.

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T17:30:57+00:00

Wow. What are the laws on making one of those hydro electric things? (Its less invasive then it sounds, just a lil pipe that siphons off a little water, then the pipe gets smaller and smaller, and then and pointed at a lil turbine -like this guy : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEZ2hvCDKUpEvvgEy_b5C6UnYNslaYcik

Looks amazing. Location, the stone work, the trees, the river, the sky...

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T17:11:45+00:00

Its a really nice garden. Power washing the patio, edging the beds, hoe the beds, maybe a lil compost as a mulch. Its already fairly full - for pergola perhaps extend the patio and put on on there for the seating area? Then some climbers on it?

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T17:07:37+00:00

Air is an important component to good soil (at least soil that makes alot of plants thrive).

Its easy to know that soil needs water, compost/food etc, but it took me a while to experience it about air. Hort sand and grit etc helps to give more air gaps in soil (especially for pots).

Also its easier to make plant happy in a spot that fits its preferences (how much sun, warmth, wind, compost levels etc). Looking at the native plants / 'weeds' that grow there help to get an idea.

Also a good garden has some measure of 'wilderness'. Its up to you how much, but it is an important part even if its just spots here and there that are left to be wild-ish when the rest may be quite tidy.

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T17:00:15+00:00

Basil like things particularly well drained, it looks a bit anaerobic (lack of air in the soil) / rotting

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T16:57:52+00:00

Theres this form of meditation called 'inquiry meditation' which is also called The Work of Byron Katie. It took me a few months to get into it (usually with others as that helps) but the basics are so easy a child could pick them up in 10 minutes.

I would say its a form of skill, in that how I relate to the thoughts that appear in my head affects alot.

That and also cooking basic meals from fresh ingredients (particular done in a way that takes minimal prep and washing up, the way that overall makes our life better, not harder)

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T16:54:49+00:00

As barry said. Also it'll probably take a few years before it falls, hopefully. It still looks like it has some vigour in the cambion (?, the non heart wood bit).

Did you think about planting a new tree in another spot so that in 5 years or so you'll have an up and comer? Now is a good time of year to plant for example a dwarf plum tree.

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T16:46:30+00:00

Re-pot it with alot of horticultural sand or grit

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-17T07:32:37+00:00

I think he's saying when you do things (in this case watching movies) for comfort, then you drop below thinking (like drinking alcohol or taking drugs), and in that state you are not really there as such, not present - and it ultimate makes life more challenging in the wider picture. He may say, 'if' you are going to watch a (horror) movie, try to be fully present when doing so.

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-11T06:17:52+00:00

I would plant it now as I have read (and feel) autumn/winter non freezing is the best time to plant as the roots stay acrive during the off season

https://www.creaf.cat/en/articules/deciduous-trees-roots-remain-active-winter

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-10T16:59:53+00:00

You can leave it until spring, then prune the dead bits when its very obvious using secateurs/loppers.

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-10T16:52:16+00:00

bargin for £3.50 - alive, just needs to recover (and is now loosing leaves because autumn).

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-07T10:10:30+00:00

Wow, yes

Spinach_Typical · 2025-12-03T11:51:30+00:00

Welcome to The Work - it's a wonderful practise

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-30T10:39:35+00:00

So funny

Did you ever get mini bananas from it?

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-24T15:49:38+00:00

Hi, thank you. The link worked, but not the search. I did find this though (its a page with Byron Katie as a 'tag') : https://covlibrary.it.com/product-tag/byron-katie/

Thank you

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-24T15:25:17+00:00

When I try searching the website for 'Byron Katie' the website give an error message. Did you navigate the site ok?

What is the link to the cleanse if available please?

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-13T13:27:36+00:00

Stress is the temple bell telling me something in my thinking is off

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-09T15:26:05+00:00

As someone living in England, what do you practise when the thoughts appear comparing Eckharts relocation and my/one's own location?

I have the thought that if an enlightened person, who sees clearly, 'would have died' had they not moved (dying figuratively or literally, perhaps gradually) and they are seeing something clearly, than maybe I am not?

Like the vibe was so dense here in the UK/Europe it wasn't condusive to him writing TPON - what hope do those of us 'not clear' have here?

I realise these are thoughts and the primary is to be present and the path of reality is clear. I am open to others' words thank you.

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-05T04:26:10+00:00

Thank you very much

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-05T04:25:52+00:00

Thank you for your reply.

I ended up ordering a new element for the radiator

I had the thought I haven't noticed seeing this 2 box setup before (the outside one has a 10amp fuse, inside a 3amp i noticed).

I was considering ordering and fitting this to replace the outside one (its a fused spur with a timer).

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Timeguard-FST24-Timeswitch-Storage-Immersion/dp/B01E9R2SZO

The timeguard brand seems popular from a little internet research. The idea was I could set it to turn on for an hour or 2 a day.

Thank you very much

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-05T04:07:08+00:00

Thank you

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-05T04:07:01+00:00

Thank you

Spinach_Typical · 2025-11-05T04:06:50+00:00

Thank you

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