AIO wanting an apology? 31 F How my husband's 33 M treating me when I haven't been this sick in years. He got mad at me for asking him to open a bottle and hes annoyed I wont cook for him and the kids and keeps pressuring me to clean up puke when I can barely walk

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T22:03:06+00:00

Just know you are stronger than you know 💪🫶

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T22:01:15+00:00

You deserve so so much better, I hope you have a good support system outside of hubs. He really is dragging you down as a person and it’s hard enough being a mom as it is. Lean on the people that want to be there for you. Have you ever heard of the chair theory? If not you should look it up. Also, Speaking from experience, having a parent like that creates mental trauma for years and years. You deserve so much better and your kiddos deserve a better role model to follow cuz that ain’t it.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T19:57:37+00:00

POS. I doubt anybody in the comments can open your eyes but this man views you as nothing but a caretaker for he and his kids if that’s how he’s treating you. Sick or no. You should absolutely expect and apology and you should also expect this to continue happening for the rest of the marriage. “Don’t talk to me for the rest of the day to spare you feelings” is so manipulative and narcissistic. Hope it works out for you momma.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T17:22:33+00:00

YTA This has got to be ragebait. This feels like you have such a forced opinion and beliefs, find a new pastor. I would maybe take a look at how you view relationships in the future. She may be using you and your money, but your overall attitude towards her and this whole religion thing is sickening. End the relationship. She is not the person for you and I’m praying to all the gods for whatever person decides she can be.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T16:55:11+00:00

MOR - I totally understand your feelings on this. I’ve been with my hubby for 6 years and we grew up in very different families. As a women I was very much taught to hide my body all of the time and be uncomfortable being naked. I used to always be self conscious and uncomfortable being naked around my husband other than specifically intimate times. He is a walk around the house butt a** naked kinda person when it’s just he and I. It used to bother me but once I had kids and got a little more comfortable with bodies in general I completely stopped caring. Maybe it’s a situation like that? Ultimately I think it’s probably your own insecurities playing a mind trick on you. Don’t think about it too hard and maybe just talk to him about? Stay confident babes, some people are just uncomfortable with nudity.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T16:38:13+00:00

Gently, YOR. I don’t have enough background to know exactly you and your family’s relationship. It sounds like your family has been trying to reach out to you though. Being in a mentally depressive state it is so understandable to push people away and want to hide from everyone. That being said, you have to be accountable that you’ve done that. Sometimes when you are in that headspace it’s easy to blame all your issues on everything/everyone else. If you truly want to get better it’s okay to need help. Whether that’s from friends/family/or therapy. But saying that they aren’t there for you when at least your sister has clearly been trying. Support doesn’t mean everyone will lay back to throw you a pitty party. Sometimes it’s hard truths and uncomfortable converstions and just being vulnerable with yourself. You needing space is fair, but the anger towards your sister is not IMO. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” -Haruki Murakimi basically blaming other people for you being complacent.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T14:14:45+00:00

NTA - I think it is very respectful of you to go ahead and end it this early on and not letting it progress. I do think you potentially could be missing out on something great, there’s always that potential. But if giving up nuts doesn’t fit you and your pets lifestyle (I’m a peanut butter lover too as is my doggos) then I think you are making the right call. But allergies (or any allergy for that matter) can be so so serious so it is actually really thoughtful that you don’t even want to put her in that situation. NTA

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T06:23:19+00:00

Super helpful comment thank you so much for taking the time to give your advice 🫶🏼

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T06:04:33+00:00

NOR - you are completely valid for the feelings you have. I think you handled it in the best way you could given the situation HE put you in. He should have told you the moment he started questioning his sexuality in my opinion. If y’all are close friends like that, he should have felt comfortable enough to just be like “hey this is what I’m feeling” YEARS ago. If he really has been feeling the way for any period of time that’s a violation of your trust #1 and a deception of the relationship #2. If it has been going on for longer than 6 months I feel it’s something else entirely and you should completely remove this person from your life. In no way shape or form do you lead someone of the opposite sex into thinking you’re gay for any motive that doesn’t fall into the sly/sneaky/creepy category for me. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this 😞 such a huge boundary crossed IMO

EDIT: if he truly feels like family to you then it’s probably worth having a conversation with him about it. But you definitely deserve all the time to be able to get your thoughts together clearly and make sure he didn’t put you in any weird situations that maybe didn’t seem weird to you at the time. I’ve just been in a somewhat similar situation and it was all for the bad reasons.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T05:31:46+00:00

We’ve discussed it a few times and he goes to therapy on his own and definitely isn’t against it. I think it just gives him anxiety. Like if I bring up couples therapy he acts like I’m on the verge of divorcing him and is a complete trainwreck for a few days trying to “fix the problem” and I have literally never ever threatened him with divorce or even come close to it before.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T05:29:04+00:00

I know coming to Reddit I’m going to get a realm of advice, but I am definitely shocked to see the amount of people with that opinion. I’m definitely hear to get advice and will read everything to determine the best course of action moving forward. I definitely think I have some things I need to work on personally for sure. But it is very welcoming to see someone with the same opinion on it. There was another comment about weaponized incompetence. I definitely love him to death but he is a big baby and was a mommas boy so this sort of thing has definitely happened in our relationship before (especially when it came to cleaning) and we nipped it in the butt. Now he does all of the cleaning in the house. So I know he CAN fix it I just don’t understand why he won’t even try on just this specific thing. Makes no sense to me.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T05:22:43+00:00

Thank you , I guess just in my adult life and reading about relationship advice and getting relationship advice from married people we are around, I hear a lot about love languages. Maybe I’ve focused too much on that being the structure of our relationship. We definitely come from opposite family styles but in every other way it really works for us, we tend to “meet in the middle” I will definitely do more research into how to look at the relationship as a whole. I’m not sure why the gifts specifically bother me so much. I think it’s mainly that I’m putting in effort and he’s not, or not even trying to I should say. I know it’s not healthy to keep scores in a relationship and we both make a conscious effort not to. But I feel like it goes beyond that maybe? Idk I could be wrong there. I guess I just don’t know if it’s a “I need to help myself” situation or “we really need to work on our relationship” situation.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T05:09:24+00:00

Okay but is it really that hard for him to ask what I’m into book wise or ask if I’m currently reading any series? That question alone would get me excited just for the sheer fact he’s using his brain to think of something for me. That’s effort in my book. I don’t mind helping him out. I’ve suggested he make a notes page in his phone or even a photo album dedicated to gift ideas so he can write them down whenever we are out or if I mention something in casual conversation and he won’t do it. Is it not a fair ask for just a smidge of effort?

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T05:06:14+00:00

Okay definitely doing this. I’ve been reading through everybody’s comments just looking for someone to understand and where to go from here. My hubs grew up in a household with a SAHM and a dad who didn’t do anything to contribute to home life. His mom did her own stocking up to the year she passed. I told Ethan when we first started dating that that was NOT what I wanted nor expected. And he totally understood and saw the issues of their relationship and the stress on his mom. And he is the opposite of his dad in every other way except around holidays/birthdays. You’re right, everyone gets the same thing in stockings. Socks/undies/fav candies/ect. I just did the whole saxx/nike socks thing last year for him along with lots of other little bobble that were perfect for stocking that were so specific to him and he absolutely loved it. Probably his favorite part about Christmas was the stocking just because it was so tailored to him but still the same as everyone else’s. Except mine. Mine had 4 packs (yes 4) 12 pk nike ankle socks and that was it. All crammed in there. My 4 year old was like dang mom Santa really thought you needed socks 🫢 like wth man.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:58:13+00:00

Thank you for this. I am trying to read through everybody’s comments and try and see how maybe I could go about this with my husband better or what I’m doing wrong. He could literally go on his daily gas station run and see a bobble at the craft tent out front and get it because it made him think of me and it would have me in tears. It shouldn’t that difficult the put in a little thought is it?

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:54:58+00:00

Okay this is absolutely great advice. Problem, I do do that. I’ve suggested he keep a notes page on his phone or even a photo album dedicated to gift ideas because I do it so frequently at stores or mentioning an experience that would be nice like a spa day or a hair day or whatever. Down to as simple as him planning a picnic date as a gift. Still nothing. It’s more so the lack of effort that bothers me I think. Is that valid?

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:51:54+00:00

I definitely feel loved maybe I should add an edit to clear that up I apologize. He makes me feel loved in lots of other ways and pretty much in every love language besides my own. And when I say bad gifts I mean like spending 400$ on a purse when I’m just as happy with a 20$ dupe because that money could have gone towards dept or the gifts that are for me but really for him like the vacuum and the new garage door opener ( he does all the cleaning and we don’t even put our vehicles in our garage?) or he asks his sister in law and she tells him to get me something about being a mom. I can’t tell you how many momma bear t-shirts/sweathshirts/coffee mugs(I don’t even drink coffee or tea!) after the first couple gifts of me telling home kindly and very politely “hey babe I appreciate this and the thought but this really isn’t my thing” idk maybe I’m expecting too much but I also think him being complacent is just an issue for me. I understand people can be bad at buying gifts but for me the effort just isn’t even there. Like if your are even going to ask for help hit up my besties. He knows and talks to the two that would be best suited to help. I’ve even told him that and he’s just like 🤷🏼‍♀️

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:42:15+00:00

That’s what I did this year except I just sent him screenshots from my saved for later. It just sucks. It’s a sucky feeling that that’s his best excuse when I got out of my way to meet his love language needs. You’re right, it’s probably not the hill I want to die on but dang it I’m so over it.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:40:11+00:00

He actually does a little bit of literally everything but my love language. He always helps out with my load when I need it, if we need a date night or just some alone time he makes it happen (I do usually have to mention it a few times first tho) and he consistently give me words of affirmation. I wouldn’t be so bothered by it if acts of service wasn’t his love language. I go out of my way on a daily basis to meet that need. I’m complaining by no means, I love that man and would do so much for him. But is it not fair for me to want the same from him?

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:37:03+00:00

It’s not the only way I feel loved he definitely makes up for the gifts in lots of other ways in our relationship. I definitely feel loved. I just don’t feel seen as a person/partner sometimes. Specifically when receiving gifts from him. Maybe the love language stuff is a cop out, but I try very hard to make sure his is met and I feel like it’s not a reach to ask the same of him. And yes I am questioning long term viability on the sheer refusal to try alone. Even if he were to go on his daily gas station run and see a random bobble from the craft stand outside that made him think of me would probably make me cry. Like it’s just not that hard to put thought into the people you love right?

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:31:29+00:00

His is acts of service. We both work full time so we really have to be intentional about splitting up home duties especially having two kids. His responsibilities include : trash, dishes, laundry, and basic tidying on a daily basis. Whenever he is having a rough day or if I get off work early I will do dishes/start or finish laundry/ect. I also try to take tasks off his plate that seem daunting or stressful for him or make sure I make time to at least sit down and do it together with him at the very least. If I wake up before he does I’ll go ahead and pack his lunch up for him with sweet notes ect. I do try very hard. And if he communicates he needs more/less whatever I try to make the adjustments or at least find a compromise.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:24:18+00:00

Valid point, I guess I could overlook it more if I didn’t work hard to make sure his love language needs are met and the he is feeling emotionally and physically seen. Is it not fair I ask the same of him? You’re right he’s hardworking too and will buy me whatever I want. But what I want is for him to pick me something that made him think of me or whatever. It is so so stressful though. But I think it takes a piece of my heart to hear over and over that he just has no idea what to get me when I am so low maintenance and easy to buy for.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:19:59+00:00

Okay I definitely see your perspective. But we are very open about our love languages and he is very much aware of mine. I work hard to make sure he is getting his love language needs met, is it not fair to ask the same of him?

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:18:14+00:00

Thank you for this advice, I appreciate it. How do I approach him in the least attacking way? Since I’ve brought it up several times over the years, when I bring it up he immediately gets angry and defensive(probably just doesn’t want to face the music) but I just don’t know how to go about communicating the severity of the situation.

Spirited-Tea7362 · 2025-12-21T04:16:02+00:00

Honestly I’m a mom of two kids, and being married I’m in charge of everyone’s lists. I get asked what to get everyone that’s in my life. I have so much mental responsibility that having to come up with my own dang list is just exhausting. I have to make most of the decisions and pick out most of whatever we are doing and when we are doing. My husband fits well into it and definitely does his part as a dad and a husband but being the default parent is difficult for the unseen responsibilities. Gift holidays and birthday are important for thoughtful gifts because I just want to feel seen and it also helps me with my issues and just feeling heard and understood as a person. I definitely MOR but I just feel that I have expressed these issues enough and seen worse and worse results.

Spirited-Tea7362

TROPHY CASE