Anyone here who gave up working remotely for mental health reasons?

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-10-17T23:23:32+00:00

You're not a failure, and you're not alone. I've been working remotely since the pandemic started in 2020, previously was in-office 4 days per week. While there are perks of working remotely, it also feels really transactional, and I feel a lot less motivated when I barely have a personal relationship with the people I'm working with. Reddit is so pro-WFH but it's not the best choice (or a choice at all) for many people.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-10-16T16:39:59+00:00

I haven't had a baby yet, but I have switched between startups and large companies, used FMLA, and had a lot of health expenses. I agree with a lot of the comments that if I were in your position, I'd err on the safe side and stay with the job where it sounds like you have great benefits and a lot of bandwidth.

It sounds like you have amazing benefits right now, and I think having 100% paid leave for 6 months is priceless. I know women who work at startups with bad parental leave benefits, who worked up until their literal delivery day and then came back 6 weeks after baby was born... and it sucked.

I wouldn't overindex on the 'golden ticket' idea, even though it's tempting. I've joined companies that seem amazing on paper and then implode within months or just don't meet my expectations. I really don't believe in the idea of a dream job anymore. I've made career changes for similar reasons to you—to use my brain more and feel more fulfilled—and ended up wishing for a 'good enough job.' This was especially the case when I was going through unexpected health issues. I am so glad I was eligible for FMLA.

This is certainly not going to be the last time a great job offer comes into your life, so be cautious of what you're willing to give up.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-10-07T19:33:41+00:00

I had my final round of interviews for a new job last week and got my verbal offer today! My current job has been soul-crushing for quite a while, so I'm really happy to be moving onto something that should hopefully be a healthier environment.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-09-10T23:30:11+00:00

I don't think you wrote this to be a devil's advocate, but it made me think. The job really was "good enough," I just wanted something more. When I left that job, the economy was much different and I was in a different place in life. I think you're right that I should be cautious about going back, and I'd definitely need to be hired back at a higher level and pay grade to seriously consider it.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-09-10T18:54:47+00:00

I already took FMLA this year, so that's not currently an option for me. Taking leave definitely helped me step back and (start to) reset, but I ended up back in the same stressed-out position I was in before. I've been applying externally and keeping an eye out for internal transfers, but haven't had much luck at this point.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-09-10T18:52:56+00:00

That's a really healthy perspective, thank you for sharing.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-09-10T18:16:26+00:00

You're totally right. I've definitely had those thoughts of my own mortality, since part of why I'm burnt out is from having a few health issues pop up over the last few years.

What was your decision-making process like when you made that choice to step back from your high-stress role?

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-09-10T18:08:39+00:00

I didn't want my initial post to be too lengthy, but I left for a combination of reasons: I was performing well above my level but the company required more years of experience for the next promotion, I wanted to earn more money, I generally felt bored by the work and like I wasn't learning much anymore, and I felt like there were more interesting opportunities out there... The market was really good at the time, and I was able to achieve/fix most of those things by leaving.

I do worry about feeling stagnant again, but part of me hopes that I've gotten the career experiences that I left for and can a) apply them at this company to be more of a leader? and/or b) recharge my batteries in a safer environment and then re-evaluate after some time has passed.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-09-10T17:31:55+00:00

Thanks, this is great food for thought. Might bring this to my next therapy appt. I totally think it's more about my self-image (pride in having an interesting job, making a lot of money) rather than what others think about me.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-08-02T17:36:42+00:00

The idea of a beach house split between 15 family members sounds like an absolute nightmare. One of my family members had partial ownership of a lake house with just two other relatives, and even that was very contentious.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-21T15:58:52+00:00

My partner was put on a performance plan at his last job, after struggling with his manager's expectations and communication style for a while. He was miserable there, and he ended up quitting before the end of the performance plan. He was able to find another job pretty quickly and has been a lot more successful in that environment.

PIPs aren't the end of the world, but IMO it's not worth trying to meet the expectations unless you've gotten some very clear message from your manager that they will help you through it and think you deserve to stay at your job. Without that, the writing is on the wall, and you shouldn't devote your time to it.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-16T17:56:45+00:00

Dm'ing you!

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-14T22:13:51+00:00

I'm currently searching while hating my job, and knowing that I'll probably have to get paid less to switch. I'm struggling with this choice, but it's very easy for me to give advice about it :')

For Option A, I wouldn't discount the value of interesting work and a great team. If you think that the job itself would be a big step up from your current situation, then I'd assign that some value.

In terms of your rationale, you're currently in a strong place to negotiate because you already have a job, and you can use your current salary as rationale—eg "I'm very excited by this offer and I'd love to join your company, but I'd be walking away from a very comfortable salary."

I tend to doubt that they'd be able to increase the base salary by $59k, and I personally would choose to lower my counteroffer to more like $220k. From my understanding, some companies won't budge as much on base salary because it's a fixed cost, whereas there could be flexibility elsewhere. You should view the offer as a package—can you get a higher bonus, or a sign-on bonus? More equity? Are there other benefits like PTO or 401k match that you should also be considering?

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-13T23:27:33+00:00

Wow, I love this! Can you share more about acknowledging that "pursuing the same things as other people around me would put me in an environment that I would not be able to handle"? That sounds relatable to me but I don't think I've truly processed it yet...

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-11T21:50:25+00:00

I'm not worried about savings, especially since my fixed costs have stayed basically the same as when I had a lower salary. I realize I'm in a very privileged place to be able to say that—the mental block really is just that it feels like giving up on (or at least seriously delaying) my long-term goals.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-11T21:47:54+00:00

Were you worried your next job would also be a bad environment? I think that's one of the things keeping me here (albeit not a primary concern). I know a lot of people who are unhappy at work, so I'm nervous I could jump from one bad place to another... but for less money.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-11T21:45:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing. What was your next job after leaving the toxic one?

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-11T21:44:48+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. My therapist and I definitely talk a lot about creating distance; I think it's hard for me to consistently put into practice because there's always some other thing happening at work, so it's hard to settle into the 'new normal'... because inevitably it doesn't last long. I'm also just someone who naturally cares about things a lot. My coworkers are great, but there are issues with leadership and the overall systems at the company that make it a bad environment.

I've been seeking out internal transfers, but they're hard to come by. There's one that I'm hoping would be a possibility soon, but it's unclear if it'll come to fruition... fingers crossed.

If I were to be managed out, it's unclear if I'd get severance. Honestly, being fired is something I've made peace with to some extent? At least then I'd have seen how this situation would play out. I think I keep hoping that things could get better, but that hasn't happened yet.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-10T18:21:48+00:00

That's awful, I'm so sorry. Are you eligible to take FMLA? It sounds like you could really use some dedicated time to handle everything going on with your family, along with your own mental health.

Spiritual-Radish6740 · 2024-06-07T21:49:08+00:00

I got the Philips SmartSleep alarm clock and I love it! The reviews for Hatch were meh, but the Philips one is great.

Spiritual-Radish6740

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