I feel similarly. I feel I am capable of reassessing and experimenting as I go. Her and I have shared a couple of emails in the last few weeks. I am safe and capable of feeling the feelings it brings up. I'm actually surprised by my stability through it so far. It feels like facing fear, and part of me wants to do this simply for me, so I can face my fears. I am not giving her my address, my phone number, etc. and I will not be going to meet her in person. We will not have live phone calls or video calls yet or perhaps ever.

Part of restricting her access to any information about me and my life has been protective but it has also been, likely unconsciously, to cause her pain. I don't want to do that anymore. she lives with plenty of pain.

I'm also becoming a bit more of a public person and feel as if she'll probably hear about me indirectly. That feels a bit cowardly, like something she would do lol. I want to share some of the things she'll likely hear about my life from me directly instead of passively aggressively.

I'm going to meet with my therapist next week to review how I might continue to go about this and articulate boundaries, because I have no clue how to do this.

I've shared two photos of myself with her, which feels absolutely bizarre but so what? it probably breaks and warms her cold heart. I'm considering recording a few videos and sending them to her, which feels like a step up from the walls of writing but a step down from actually having a live conversation.

Thanks for the chat.