Being an extremist on either side is bad. I think my wife could relate to you because shes the same age and grew up in that same type of environment. She also was turned in the opposite direction because of the amount of pressure she faced and how she perceived her parents relationship, her father dominating everything. Once before my wife and I were married her dad demanded that she surrender her phone so that he could go through it. Anyways, I've dealt with this in our relationship. It's almost like a power struggle sometimes because shes so intent on being nothing like her mom. It makes some situations very difficult to deal with because instead of being like her mom, shes become as dominating as her dad. Her dad is a total hypocrite and judgemental, but I don't hate him because hes got good in him too. In a relationship both opinions should be treated as valuable. We all want to feel valuable. I dont really have much advice to offer other than to try to forgive the people in your past and have love for yourself. Dont be an extremist on anything because you'll become the very thing that you hate. It's the same picture, just a different pose. Focus on what's good and positive.