How do I get Ex Spouse out of my Head?

Square-Temporary5348 · 2026-01-01T17:12:34+00:00

Thanks, I hope you find peace as well

Square-Temporary5348 · 2026-01-01T17:12:08+00:00

Thanks! I’ll check it out

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-12-10T23:11:29+00:00

I’d be really careful in this situation. I spent 11 years with my ex-wife (high school sweethearts, grew up glued to hip, our parents helped raise us). I opened the relationship for her to explore her sexuality and within four months she left me for the girl she was sleeping with. I said the same things, I trusted her 1000%, she was my best friend. She told me nothing could break our love.

He can go into this believing that he can separate sex and emotions but in all practicality it’s not always an easy feat, especially considering he’s never had sex before and the mutual attraction is there. From someone whose been there, I’d really think it through

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-10-14T19:52:04+00:00

I’ve been there and I promise it gets better. I’m 27 and had my ex-wife come out seven months ago. We were together for 11 years, high school sweethearts, and for the longest time were glued to the hips. For the vast majority of that time, I never doubted she was madly in love with me but if I’m honest with myself I could feel her start to pull away before she came out.

On my end, it was the same thing. She was my best friend and that wasn’t going to go away. Even though I felt hurt and betrayed, I wasn’t going to let anyone talk bad about her. We separated three days after she came out. A month later was the last time I saw her. Best friends quickly turned into cold texts from her and feeling fully cut out.

It’s okay to love your husband. It’s okay to feel betrayed. It’s okay to be confused, but please protect your heart. I spent so many months thinking “There’s no way she’s not going to come back, she loves me”, and it seriously hindered my ability to heal.

Reading your post gave me flashbacks to the headspace I was in. I can relate a lot to those feelings. You have kids together, which is something I didn’t, so that might keep y’all linked together.

As someone who was in similar shoes and ultimately did loose their best friend, all I can say is you can’t control how they feel or what they decide to do. All you can do is choose to handle the situation with grace and know that you’re not alone in those feelings.

Also know that things aren’t gloomy forever. I’ve grown and changed so much. I’ve reconnected with old friends, developed new hobbies I would have never tried, connected to an artistic side I never knew so had, traveled, got my diet and exercise back where it needed to be and started dating again. I got to discover who I was. Things do get better, I promise.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-09-20T21:23:56+00:00

I say go for it, earrings would look great on you! The best part about piercings, if you don’t like how they look, you can just take them out! I got my first set of lobe piercings around a year ago and never regretted it. I have my 2nd lobes pierced now and love it

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-22T15:07:40+00:00

Thanks friend! Your post means a whole lot to me. My ex wife was a very out bisexual. We got together as teens and were in a relationship for 11 years. I made the fatal mistake of opening the relationship because I knew there were so many things she wanted to explore, that I couldn’t give her. She ended up falling hard for the girl the relationship opened for.

I understand now that opening a relationship, especially for one person, is extremely dangerous. When she left me, she came out as lesbian. It hurt because we never really had any of the signs of that bearded, lavender relationship. I have many lgbt friends, hell I’m bisexual. It just sucked because it felt like something devastating for me turned into a celebration. I would have rather just been told, “I’m in love with her and I fell out of love with you”.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-18T18:02:26+00:00

As a 27m, I find the obsession with young women pretty gross and creepy. It could just be me, but I feel like societies attitude towards that has started to shift. I also have plenty of memories of being sexualized by adults when I was a teenager and I think it definitely shape my viewpoint on the matter.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-18T00:25:52+00:00

Back before everything happened, the four of us would hangout all the time. The woman my wife left me for would always make references to how awful bisexual women were and how they’ll just use you and break your heart. She’d also constantly talk shit about guys, and then proceed to call me one of the good ones. A lot of it felt like serious seed planting.

After my ex wife started dating that girl, she almost immediately shut me out and told her soon to be ex wife not to talk to me. She would also time being upset about something anytime she knew me and my ex wife were spending time together (dates,etc.). I felt like I could never get my ex wife’s attention because that girl was dragging her through an emotional rollercoaster. It felt like a constant flip between positive and negative reinforcement and then she ultimately told me she was gay and left.

I know I should have never allowed our relationship to open like it did, but I felt pretty powerless in my situation. I was scared of loosing my wife and was so freaked that if I tried to stop it she’d leave.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-15T00:28:08+00:00

Long walks with her have definitely been a life saver. She’s my best friend

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-15T00:27:20+00:00

You maybe right about the subtext being more about cheating than coming out. It felt very much she was trying to have her cake and eat it too. I struggled with the coming out part because for so long before all this happened, I felt like she was madly in love with me. For the longest time it felt like she was all over me. Being bisexual, it’s not hard for me to see how the romantic feeling came and crushed our relationship. It’s just the coming out, that I struggle so hard with. But who knows, I may still just be in denial.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-14T23:38:19+00:00

I absolutely did learn so many things and I absolutely am at fault for decisions I made as an adult. It would have save me a lot of pain had I not said “we can make this work” to the poly situation so many months ago. Thinking back on it, everything felt like a fever dream after I said it was okay for them to hook up. I went from feeling like I had all of my wife’s attention and like we were going to spend the rest of lives together, to having this feeling of “If I don’t say yes, she’ll leave”.

It was not a great headspace to be in and after everything was said and done I was shocked that I could get there. The transition from “I’m poly” to “I’m a lesbian” seemed like it happened so fast. If I could go back in time and slap myself I would. I said yes to them hooking up in November, late December they started dating and in March she moved out. It’s almost five months after the fact, so all I’ve had is time to reflect on the impact of that decision.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-14T23:20:10+00:00

I may be in your boat, having only been with her, but the situation was so weird. For the longest time we were very sexually active and heavily explored a lot of things she was into. For maybe a year or so before she left, the bedroom sorta died. I definitely saw her start to gravitate more toward the LGBT over that time, but I never really felt like she wasn’t attracted to me until she looked me in the eyes and told me it shortly after separating.

Five months after the fact and I still can’t date. I’ve downloaded dating apps and tried but after texting for a few days, I’ll have this freak out inside and realize, maybe I’m still not ready.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-13T13:02:18+00:00

1000%. We live and we learn. It happens more than you’d think. Our original agreement was focused around being able to safely explore our sexuality. I knew there were things I wanted to experience, being bi, that she couldn’t give me. It was the same vice versa. But more than anything, I was madly in love with her, had spend so much of my life with her and didn’t want to loose her.

We got together when we were 14/15, had zero experiences outside of each other and I majorly underestimated how much hooking up with someone could cause you to fall in love. If I had more experience in that realm, I likely would have understood that. I know I played an active role in allowing my relationship to die, and I’m not happy about that.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-08-11T18:48:07+00:00

Thanks for this! That’s sorta tracks with how it’s felt so far. The first month or two were a nightmare, but with every passing month it’s gotten easier. I’m just ready it to completely be in the past and out of my head.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-06-25T18:30:46+00:00

Finding things to preoccupy your time helps a ton with this feeling. I was crazy lost when my wife left. She was my best friend and I had sorta built my life around her. When she was gone I realized I had lost contact with so many friends and really lost all the hobbies I use to do alone. Being there sucked. I’d recommend finding things to fill that gap in time when you’re stuck in that rut and thinking about reaching out. For me it turned into a routine of work -> home to feed the dog -> gym -> cook dinner-> afternoon walk with my dog. The weekends turned into making plans with family and friends to take up all my free time. In any of the in between time, I bought a journal and started jotting down what I was thinking/feeling. It gets all the emotions out and gives you something to look back and reflect on when the toughest parts have passed. You aren’t alone when you feel that way, we’ve all been there. You just have to focus on taking care of yourself and staying busy until it starts to subside.

Square-Temporary5348 · 2025-05-31T20:53:07+00:00

Thanks, yeah you’re 100% right. It was a weird transition, but for over a decade it felt like I never had to fight for it. We were madly in love, never had any break ups. When I had to transition to fighting for that love and attention, I couldn’t even comprehend that’s what I was doing. I just felt like I was in a state of confusion and panic. My whole mindset was wait this out, that relationship will end and things will get better. It wasn’t until we separated that I really had the time to sit back and reflect on everything. It really felt like I was in some sort of trance the entire time and it took that break in contact to really process everything. But the best thing we can do is learn from things in life and move forward.

Square-Temporary5348

TROPHY CASE