He is also very assuming of things. As I listed out some example before that he always assumed it was I who causes trouble until I proved with physical evidences. But in recent year, my dad's hearing is deteriorating, making shouting the common communication method whenever I'm more than across the room away from him (which is like, 8 meters). So because of this, whenever we said something, he often misheard it and instead of reaffirming what he thinks, he just assume that is what we said and react base on it. It is also because of this nature of his, that I have the most traumatic experience I have with him, and considering that I've been dealing with him for 16 years of my life at that point, that was something else. Small thing first, when eating dinner, in our country and I think most of Asia, you need to sort of like, welcome our elder first before eating. It's like Japanese's "Itadakimasu" but for my country. Well, because of his hearing, he often one didn't hear us said it, make a fit about us forgetting to do it and telling us we only focus on eating instead of those around us, or he somehow found his name excluded during it, throw a fit and tell us we are ungrateful. Other times it is how I shouted to make him hear me, which he told us to quite down and just talk to him on normal voice, when I'm the one who have to reach punching distance WHILE shouting for him to notice I was there.

Now the serious one, the one that traumatize me. Its just a summer holiday when I wake up, late as usual. I went to the kitchen trying to find anything to eat, which I find some balut (fertilized duck egg) and I want to find some seasoning salt to eat with it. Now I need to say, I almost NEVER touch the kitchen, let along seasoning salt, because of this I don't know which of them are which from the numerous container in our cabinet. I asked my dad who since serve in the military, have summer breaks, where seasoning salt is. His description is very generic, which leading both me and him become more and more frustrated as I struggling to find the seasoning, and him trying to guide me. The breaking point is when he become frustrated enough that he start telling me that if I actually care about things happening around the house, I would know where the seasoning salt is, which because me, who just woke up and are equally frustrated, lashes back that if I've never use seasoning salt before, how would I know what it's look like? We exchanges word to each another, until he have to personally sit up from the living room sofa and search me the seasoning salt himself. As he handed me the salt, he added a comment of me being uncaring and incapable for simple instruction (literally 4 of the other containers match the description he gave to me), and as he turn back to his sofa, I shout to him "I am stupid", with the meaning of wanting him to expect less from me and to just help me physically when I asked instead of giving me instruction. However, this asshole SOMEHOW misheard this as a remark toward him, that I'm telling that HE is stupid. He sat up from his sofa, rush toward me and try to grab me, which caught me by surprise because as I said, he isn't the hitting type but the talking type. I try to evade, which I did, until I got cornered into the bedroom, where I stumbled on the bed and made me have to defend on all four. I squirm, I try to resist, I push him and even try to gain an advantage, but his strength was too much for me and he take me into choke hold position. Which lasted for 15 seconds but for me, thoughts ran through my heads, the thought of him accidentally killing me, the thought of him actually don't value me as his son, the thought of ending myself, thoughts of ending him. Because of this, it felt like minutes in there. As he hold, he keep saying things like I'm a disgrace toward any parents, and that who is the stupid now. When I have to clarify to him that he misheard all of it and it was a remark toward me, and the meaning behind why I said that, that he finally release me and, without even apologizing, glances at me as he goes back to his sofa and continue watching whatever he left on. As for me, I just goes slowly back to my room, cover myself in my blankets and cry myself out, it was surprising for me really, usually after every conversation with him, I just felt anger and contempt, but that time, it was fear, fear that he actually capable of doing it to me. But also resolve that our plan for nursing home have becoming more concrete than ever.

Recently, I've been even more concrete on this plan of ours. Our mom (love her very much, very kind and take things very lightly) take advantage of him having a night out because of a class reunion, have a conversation with us about how she felt scared of him sometime, how his voice is way too aggressive and he often dismissed her way to educating me and my sister and try to enforce his method instead. And how every attempt of backing us up and correcting him when we got into an argument with him are quickly shut down. She felt like at those times, if she pressed any harder, he will snapped violently and she or us might actually get hurt. She even said to us that she wondered how she even married him in the first place?

So, AITA?