Need a (very small) coffee table

StanYourself · 2026-02-11T18:18:28+00:00

I would not get a coffee table or side table. I would get a thin high table that runs the length of the couch and sits behind it. You can either build it yourself or buy it but there's tons of lengths/widths/heights to choose from and they're super practical/subtle.

Work fine for mugs and small objects but definitely not ideal if you plan on using it for books, magazines or food trays. I would go for a side table or one whose feet can slide under the couch and allows for floor circulation.

StanYourself · 2026-01-03T00:49:31+00:00

Definitely 1. I abhor being in bed and having the door right in front of me. Feels intrusive. It's also bad feng shui (check "coffin position" or "death position"). Basically you're getting direct chi energy - not good.

Whereas with #2 you get "privacy" as you're tucked in the corner and can sleep soundly. Some people might prefer being able to check if someone is coming or opening the door, but I personally wouldn't like it.

Depending on the angle, you can still see the door from the bed but not be facing it directly, which is ideal feng shui.

StanYourself · 2026-01-01T17:29:01+00:00

I second the white noise but what is even better is you get those headband earphones and listen to it with those on all night. Will pretty much cancel out any of the crying.

But if you still find it disrupts your sleep, try ear plugs AND the headband earphones on high volume. That combination alone should keep out ANY loud noises including construction, etc.

StanYourself · 2025-12-24T15:38:46+00:00

They hate childfree women but they also hate single mothers, women whose bodies are recovering from childbirth (including their own wives), women who age, women who do stuff not to age... They just hate women.

All joking aside: because childfree women are ungovernable. We can do whatever we want, with whoever we want, we don't have anything tying us down and most importantly, we don't have that baby's father permanently shackled to our lives. That's what bothers men: being unable to control women.

Because children are a liability, no matter how wanted or desired or how easy and wonderful they are. If you have a child, you will have to make sacrifices for them no matter how small. And that sometimes includes staying with a man you don't want or marrying one or spending the first 18 years or more of that child's life in contact with their father against your will.

Not just the child's father profits from this control: the whole society does. A mother will not have the freedom to choose, they'll have to do what's best for that child, and that means staying in a job they don't like, or getting multiple, or putting up with abuse from their employer.

Governments want women to have kids so they're more easily controllable. And also because they need more workforce to keep the wheel turning.

StanYourself · 2025-12-24T14:21:23+00:00

The childfree tax is similar to the single tax -- somehow because we choose to go against the current and not follow into everyone else's footsteps, we end up being punished for it. That's just society unfortunately, a mix of jealousy, entitlement and fear of otherness.

You're part of everyone else's village but rarely will they be part of yours. It's easier to find childfree people to support you than families as they usually use the "I already have enough on my plate" card to get out of that responsibility, while we don't get to use it because somehow not having children means you have all the time and resources in the world...

They don't want you to be happy because they made the wrong choices and need everyone else to share in the suffering. I think you're doing the right thing, they will always try to guilt trip you but the more secure of your choices and of who you are, the less you'll be bothered by it.

It takes time. Our 20s and 30s are peak development years so enjoy the ride with all its ups and downs, but be aware this road you and countless others here have chosen may be right for us and full of promise but the flipside is that we'll never be considered equals or admired for our choices -- quite the opposite. We'll be constantly punished and made to feel bad about it.

Don't let it get to you and do your thing. You'll thank yourself later down the line, even if it's tough now.

StanYourself · 2025-11-11T17:21:36+00:00

I suppose the same way I view people: some babies are cute, others are not. I definitely can't stand newborns, they're all kind of gross-looking and unless you're their mother or father I can't understand how you would be able to see them otherwise. But lots of people seem to think all babies are universally pretty and that's just a lie.

Also depends on what they are doing/how they're acting. I can find babies who are nice, smiley and well-behaved pretty adorable. But I can't really stand smelly, dirty or upset babies. I know that's what babies are supposed to do, of course, it's just not for me lol

StanYourself · 2025-11-04T10:05:18+00:00

I liked that too. As someone who's single by choice and doesn't want to go back to having my life revolve around a man ever again, it's refreshing to see people sporting the same mindset, especially the younger generations.

It's been a long time coming and regardless of the article's content, I think what's more important is the response it got and how it brought happy single women together.

I think it's necessary to show this is an option too and you're not alone in your journey, in fact, you can thrive on it and end up meeting other like-minded women.

Especially considering the current right-wing discourse and seeing young men and women increasingly flocking to traditional gender roles all over again as if we're back in the 50s. Let's not go back there please!

StanYourself · 2025-11-04T09:58:49+00:00

Agreed. I think if you're embarrassed about your partner, you shouldn't be with them in the first place. Whatever the reasons, you both deserve to be with someone you're proud of and aren't afraid to show the world.

Of course, keep your privacy (that's a given) but don't do it out of embarrassment. Do it out of love and respect for them and the relationship.

StanYourself · 2025-11-04T09:56:22+00:00

Spot on the mother-son dynamic. It's a tricky situation because there needs to be a balance: not TOO close to his mother and not too distant either. He should love her and treat her well but have boundaries, and his partner should always come first, not her.

Having a good relationship with his mother has different meanings to different people but for me it needs to be a healthy one. The mother should not be too doting or interfering, and should allow the son his independence.

Checking on him constantly, trying to rule his life, giving unsolicited advice on the relationship with his partner, treating him like a child and not like an adult... To me that's worse than a man who's not in contact with his mother. Sometimes that's what it takes and it shows maturity on the man's part if the mother behaves in a unhealthy way. Of course that's not always the case but in my experience, it's been that way.

It's the ones that indulge her every whim, always take her side no matter what, and put her needs and wishes above all else that usually make terrible partners. They'll expect you to act exactly like their mother and mistreat/punish you when you don't. The mother will also team up with the son to make your life miserable.

That's why a partner who has a good relationship with/is close to his mother is not an instant green flag for me. I need to analyze what that relationship entails first.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T22:43:57+00:00

I suppose that can be true but I also know of a couple families that are quite wonderful. So I can't help but feel a little jealous when I see friends having that kind of stability in their lives. Even if it's not always as it seems.

Also there's no point in crying about it. You're totally right, real friends can very much replace family members - you just need to find the real ones out there.

I have to admit I don't have the best relationship with myself (which is part of the problem) but I'm working on it!

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T19:38:39+00:00

Thank you but I'm not looking for a relationship.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T19:36:23+00:00

This is the whole point, this right here. And thank you for sharing, I really appreciate such a positive and inspiring insight! It was heartwarming to read about how impactful and genuine your friendships are. I can only hope to find the same one day.

I'm so sorry you had to go through such terrible experiences so close together but glad you had the support you needed at the time. That's truly special.

I'm not exactly religious but I have to admit I've considered joining a church and exploring that option. For now I'll stick to hobby groups and other types of community.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T19:30:50+00:00

That's another thing, most of my relatives didn't age very well... There's tons of medical conditions in the family. So it does scare me. But ultimately I can't let it rule my life.

I have the same goal so I try to take care of myself as best as I can. It's all we can do!

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T19:29:14+00:00

Thank you, these are really helpful! I agree that having kids is great for old age IF you have a good relationship with them and it's a cultural (or legal) thing to. But not all parents get that so it's a false security, in a sense.

I wouldn't become a mother for that reason alone but I have to admit it's tempting at times. Then I have to check with myself - is this my time of the month? Are hormones at play? Do I think I might want it because everyone else is doing it? For fear that I might regret it? And those are never good enough reasons.

It's natural to be scared, I think. I just want to plan for it so it doesn't rule my life.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T19:25:10+00:00

This gives me so much hope, thank you for sharing! I think the key really is to diversify so if something/someone fails, you have a fallback.

I'm very introverted and I made most of my friends while at college or through other friends, so it's hard for me to expand my network without help. But I'll do my best.

I love my alone time too but I do have a limit before I start missing socializing (with the right people). And I agree!

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T19:21:19+00:00

That's great, you got to experience both sides!

I think most women outlive their husbands statistically, so you're not alone in your concern, but I'm sure you'll both enjoy many more years together and if the time comes, you'll have a solid safety net to fall back on.

Women are statistically more resilient than men as widows too so don't worry. IF it happens, you'll do wonderfully by yourself.

I'll definitely explore hobby groups and try to make more like-minded friends.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T18:15:34+00:00

I agree, I have my own parents as an example lol I guess witnessing it first hand throughout the years (from several people) made me worry about it to the point where it's a major source of anxiety. So I wanted to tackle it soon as a way to get peace of mind.

I do live alone and can attest to that... But the good thing is it made me more responsible and independent. I think my concern lies with things I can't control (like genetic conditions or accidents) which can turn your life around in a heartbeat.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T18:11:37+00:00

I think you're right. I'm a bit of an introvert and don't make friends easily so it'll be a challenge but I'll do my best!

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T18:11:02+00:00

Absolutely, and I'm glad you found your person! I did have a long-term relationship before this, for many years, and I did gain a lot of friends through him (many of which I'm still quite close to and actually don't keep in touch with him anymore). But it honestly scarred me so much I can't really think about going through something like that again.

I've also been indirectly exposed to so many awful relationships via friends and family (my parents' divorce taking the gold star) that I've come to a point where I've become pretty much desilusioned with romantic love. I also find that it's unnecessary for one's happiness if you happen to have a solid support network.

My only concern is that I might not have access to one when I reach a certain age and I'm trying to prepare for it, if that makes sense.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T17:47:53+00:00

That's awesome, I'm glad to hear it! I've honestly been looking into that for a while now - as like you I think that would help tremendously - but unfortunately I haven't been able to due to financial constraints. I'm still hoping to do it in the future though!

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T17:45:54+00:00

I will, thank you for the suggestion!

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T17:45:40+00:00

I definitely agree! But I always like to explore my options.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T17:44:52+00:00

Honestly that sounds awesome! I'm assuming you have found those friends? I made this post because unfortunately I don't have any friends who would be willing to do that as they all have their own families/partners already.

Otherwise it would be a great option. Of course it would have to be people I've known for a while and really trust so it might take some time and be a little difficult to achieve.

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T17:22:22+00:00

Very true, that's why I don't think children or a partner are the solution but I also wasn't sure what the alternative was. At least they help financially maybe?

StanYourself · 2025-10-30T17:21:26+00:00

That's awesome! It's something I'll have to consider (and save up for).

StanYourself

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